My harm ocd is off the chain.....about my brother. It tells me when I’m alone with him and he starts crying it tells me my family thinks I’m hurting him so I try to make him stop crying and then ocd says don’t make him stop crying don’t cover up what you did. I DIDNT DO ANYTHING TO BEGIN WITH. But I’m still the clown because I believe this stupidity still ???I always feel like a bad sister because my harm ocd thoughts are triggered by him. He’s only 1 tho so I feel guilty because he’s 1. I try not to be around him alone or at all because ocd is gonna tell me something and I’m gonna get triggered. Or if I get mad at him I raise my voice at him and he thinks it’s funny but ocd says I’m abusing him.Or it tells me my family thinks I’m raping my brother it’s so fucked up. I wouldn’t even consider that, so as of now I don’t play with him as much and it makes me sad because he runs to my room and bangs on my door but I don’t open it because I already know what ocd is gonna do. Or after school he’ll run up to me and I’ll hug him back but after that I leave him alone. He always brings toys to me to play but I’m scared to. I broke down in the middle of writing this because it breaks my heart that I’m such a terrible sister.I want to be a good sister to him but I can’t because of this,my other friends are such good big sisters and I barely play with my brother. Some things never change, I finally see that ocd is one of those things?

Harm OCD

josh100

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 5y

You are NOT a terrible sister. You clearly love your brother so much. Ocd is not you and you can’t help it. Give yourself a break. The thoughts that you have are not you, so don’t even entertain them. You KNOW who you are as a person and you know you would never hurt your brother.

roses_are_rosé

Date posted: 5y

you’re right I should try to cool it

MissLovely

Date posted: 5y

I feel this, I get like this around children. Like what other people may be thinking. It's horrible, related to this so much. He clearly loves you, knocking on your door and feeling comfortable around you. He obviously thinks the world of you, and probably sees you have some kind of anxiety and understands a bit even though he's a toddler, children understand more than we realise. Sending love ❤️

roses_are_rosé

Date posted: 5y

Right like sometimes it’s not even always my brother it’s just kids in general but for my job sometimes I have to work with kids and I just always cringe or feel so uncomfortable and I stand there and talk to the parents...what 14 sits there and converses with the parents when I’m supposed to entertain the kids?! All while my friends are playing with them and smiling and being all peppy with them I’m talking to the parents about how cute their kids are and how school is going...??

roses_are_rosé

Date posted: 5y

That’s a good idea thanks

JazSargent

Date posted: 5y

np!!

JazSargent

Date posted: 5y

have you told your parents about this? at least on some level? and i think things change more than you realize. like sure the sun rises every day but it never looks the same. there are some constants in life, like the fact you are alive. but things about you will change, you can heal from ocd

roses_are_rosé

Date posted: 5y

no I’m scared to...I explained one time in Florida to my mom that I thought I had harm ocd and she took it well but I don’t think she remebers

JazSargent

Date posted: 5y

@?bangchans babygirl 2.0? you could try writing a letter if that’s easier? you can organize your thoughts more efficiently that way and if you don’t like the letter, you can scrap it and try it again

roses_are_rosé

Date posted: 5y

@JazSargent I would but I’m just so scared to...I cant

JazSargent

Date posted: 5y

@?bangchans babygirl 2.0? maybe work up to a full letter? or write one without the plan of giving it to them? you can just throw it away after but maybe start to work up to it?

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