It’s very hard for me to believe there’s hope when people have been living with Hocd for 20 years or just many years while I only had it for 8 months I feel like there’s no hope for me to me honest.

It’s really sad, I really need help but problem is I can’t afford it ☹️ I just hope self recovery will help if not I’ll get a job next year

@Mod22 I hope you'll be able to afford it soon! Have you started ERP or anything like that? I can help you with it (like give ideas, explain how you should do it etc) if you want!

@the future is vegan :) Please help out

@Mod22 Alright so, what's your OCD theme? Give examples of thoughts/images/impulses you can get and also give examples of compulsions you do to feel better. Also, what triggers your OCD? Any specific situation?

@the future is vegan :) Hocd/ sexual orientation ocd In the beginning it used to be vivid thoughts of Homosexual content like guys kissing me engaging in it and now it’s more of like me mistakenly saying I’m a girl instead of guy and also a random voice saying you gay and also just hate seeing gays pride flags or Even guys sometimes compulsions i don’t even do them anymore I give up but most times is checking if something made me hard but I’m also heavily depressed and isolated hope I covered everything

@Mod22 Also I have Dreams where I just see gay people from my dorm they aren’t having sex or anything like that or even me trying anything with them they are just in the dreams I don’t know what it means

@Mod22 Alright so let's say an exposure can be looking at a guy. The intrusive thought might be "what if I'm gay?" Instead of doing a compulsion (checking if you get hard, arguing with yourself etc) you avoid doing the compulsion. If you do a compulsion (for example seeing if you get hard) then do something that "takes the compulsion back" (triggering your anxiety again). So you can think "maybe I am hard, maybe that means that I'm actually gay" and leave it there!

@Mod22 And it really makes me sleep less because I’d wake up and never go to sleep again

@Mod22 About the dream thing: the more you think about your intrusive thoughts, the more dreams you'll have about them. It's completely normal. It doesn't mean anything. I don't want to give you reassurance but it's important to know that dreams don't actually mean anything (many people think they do, but they don't!)

@the future is vegan :) I get you but I’ve tried that and it works but sometimes it spikes it even more because me saying I’m gay to myself kills me when I’m depressed

@the future is vegan :) I get you and thank you for your advice I’m really trying to get better you know it’s just that it’s a constant battle some days you great some days you feel like shit some days you feel like you love girls again somedays you feel like you lying to yourself I hate this but I just have to leave it behind even though there’s always that what if you’ll never be the same again voice in my head

@Mod22 It's supposed to make you more anxious! But eventually the anxiety will go down because your brain will get "bored" of the thought. If you do compulsions though, you just tell your brain that it's important and needs more attention. And I know it's hard not to do compulsions

@the future is vegan :) Yeah but sometimes I just have so much anxiety that I break down and cry because I feel defeated and maybe it feeds it too

@Mod22 I get those moments too. Stay with the anxiety and try your best not to do any compulsions

@Mod22 Remember that OCD feels real. Just because something feels real doesn't mean it's real. But it might be, who knows? (Try not to do any compulsions at the last sentence, I purposely wrote that so you can practice erp!)

@the future is vegan :) Sure I it made me feel a little bit off but I didn’t take it to heart

Thank you for the kind words

Exactly...we have so many more resources now...and ocd wasnt as acknowledged 20 years ago. I'm one of the people going on 20+ years. I've learned so much this past year alone...effort is key.

Yeah about this, I agree. I didn’t know that I dealt with it for nearly my entire life until I got diagnosed in May

@Esosa How is it going? Been having Hocd since March and went to The university therapist since it’s free to get help and it’s not helping at all i really need help but can’t afford it maybe I’ll start checking for sponsors because I’m tired of living like this

@Mod22 You need an OCD specialist. I wasted far too much time with regular therapists. ..hence the 20 years of ocd lol

@Mod22 It’s going alright. A little tougher on some days than others. But you should check out non profit counseling projects in your area or ones with a sliding scale.

@Esosa Yeah with me too I feel the same way although my Ultra sware in public my mind is always looking for guys and girls at the same time because I got so used to checking for reassurance so sometimes it messes me up

@painintheocd It makes legit sense and I hope you getting the help you deserve

I get you thing is I’ve been trying and trying but it’s still there you know even when I’m not thinking about it I can still feel that it’s there problem is that I still remember. And Things don’t feel the same like sex so it’s sort of like a reminder but maybe I wasn’t trying hard enough.

@Mod22 I have also HOCD for 3 years and I see it already decreasing. What I have understood, is that you have to surrender to your compulsions 100%. You have to accept everything among your OCD. Why it keeps thriving, is that we do not accept it thoroughly.

@tttamme I stopped compulsions which is a good thing but also the thing I hold on to is being scared that this might change me forever and also anxiety doesn’t seem to go away

@Mod22 Yes, that's the thing why it keeps thriving. OCD loves that you fear it. I know it sounds really illogical and counterintuitive but you have to accept the fear as well. I sometimes still fail to do it but I am not as frustrated about it as before

@tttamme Even when I find a nice girl and have nice conversations it will still come I used to love complimenting and flirting with women and now I’ve stopped that almost as if I’m scared of them too but I heard that people have fully recovered too I’ve been watching this other lady on YouTube who recovered and I aspire to be like her and fully recover on a scale of 1 to 10 how are you doing

Saying that people who have had ocd for 20 years haven't put enough effor is very insensitive from you... what do you know about their story or the help they have had access to?

@TonyOCD I mean a propriate effort in recovery. Those who have suffered for 20 years of OCD have put their effort in fighting against their symptoms, which unfortunately is not helpful.

I’ll do that So I have to expose myself to these things one by one

@Mod22 Exactly! :)

I get you bro do you recommend any books

@Mod22 I have a link and I also have one more book

@Esosa The Mindfulness Workbook for OCD by John Hershfield and here’s the link for Overcoming Obsessive Thoughts below: http://7b10vdj0qa.pdf-world.net/dl2.php?id=176334635&h=2616697c714c2d0f00f9a557bf247dd9&u=cache&ext=pdf&n=Overcoming%20unwanted%20intrusive%20thoughts%20a%20cbt-based%20guide%20to%20getting%20over%20frightening%20obsessive%20or%20disturbing%20thoughts

@Esosa Thank you so much