I can’t tell wether or not I have pocd

Tw Fyi I have not been diagnosed with pocd, but many people say that I have it, So I was m#sturbating to regular p#rn, beforehand I kept telling myself that I don’t like kids and that I won’t m#strivate to them, when I started finishing to the video, thoughts of kids flashed in my head, idk if it means anything or not, but I didn’t feel any shame, disgust, worry, dread, or panic. I know that I’m supposed to feel that, but I’m worried that it wasn’t pocd, but a reflection of what I actually want because they came as I started finishing. Idk if I enjoyed the thoughts or not, but I’m worried I do because I was finishing while having them. I also know that neutrality towards those thoughts is a sign of pedophilia, I don’t wish to like kids nor do I ever want to m#sturbate to them, but now I’m worried I am a pedo because I didn’t feel dread, panic, disgust, or shame after finishing. Idk if it was a reflection of what I actually want or not, but I don’t want to finish to kids, I think I don’t want to, but idk if I actually do or not. I don’t understand myself and I don’t know if what I have is pocd or not, even though so many ppl said that I have it, even my therapist when my therapist gave me a short diagnosis. I also felt a wave of relief after I finished, idk why I felt that but the thoughts also went away, it make me think that those thoughts while I was climaxing was a reflection of what I actually wanted. Can someone please give me some advice on this stuff? (edited) Also ever since the start of all of this I felt a sense of attraction towards some kids I've seen, I keep looking back on those memories to see if I was actually attracted or not, I can't figure it out, I hope it was all false attraction, I can't tell if I want the feeling or not.

POCD

issphra 🫶🏻

Date posted: 11w

Neutrality is a sign that your brain has been exposed to the same thought or fear so many times that it no longer sees it as urgent or threatening. OCD is still at play here because now you are obsessing over why you are not reacting. You are basically worrying about not worrying. That loop is still rooted in doubt and needing certainty. It is like a firefighter who has responded to so many emergencies that their body stops going into full panic mode. Not because they are okay with what they are seeing, but because they have gotten used to it. Or like when you hear a loud sound over and over. At first you jump, but eventually your body just stops reacting. The quiet response is not approval. It is just familiarity/desensitization/exhaustion.

Shaodidi

Date posted: 11w

@issphra 🫶🏻 But I also can’t tell if I enjoy it or not, so I don’t know if it genuinely is pocd or not

issphra 🫶🏻

Date posted: 11w

@Shaodidi You are not supposed to be trying to figure that out at all. Most of us, when we check, end up feeling like we liked it. Sometimes there is a moment where it feels like we did not, and that brings a little relief, but it is never enough. We end up looping back into checking again, because it only takes one uncomfortable or unclear response to make us start doubting all over again.

Shaodidi

Date posted: 11w

@issphra 🫶🏻 Oh alright thanks, the only time the thoughts disappear is when I talk to or see this girl my age that I know I’m attracted to, but I sometimes compare that attraction to what I hope is the false attraction I felt in the past

issphra 🫶🏻

Date posted: 11w

@Shaodidi That all sounds like a compulsion. Compulsions keep the OCD strong remember that

Shaodidi

Date posted: 11w

@issphra 🫶🏻 It’s hard to not do compulsions bc of how real those feelings are, like ik posting on this app is a compulsion, but I can’t stop myself bc of how real it feels, ik I won’t harm kids, but I’m scared ill like them bc I can’t control who I like

issphra 🫶🏻

Date posted: 11w

@Shaodidi Of course it’s hard, it’s why this is a disorder to begin with. It’s why we go to therapy and have someone guide us through it. Just do your best to redirect yourself from a compulsion when you realize you’re doing one. I also have POCD. Very very strong pocd, trust me i understand. It’s insanely convincing. I only want you to get better. At least knowing you’re not supposed to do a compulsion can help put you on the right path

Shaodidi

Date posted: 12w

False attraction

TW So I haven’t been diagnosed with pocd, but many ppl said that I have it. I was in bed when I remembered this time when I first started experiencing what I hope is false attraction not actual pedophilia, I’m looking back on it rn n I’m worried it wasn’t false attraction, I remember feeling a sense of attraction when I saw that kid, I was about14 at the time and the kid was 11 or 12. I remember constantly searching to see if it was normal for a 14 year old to like a 12 or 11 year old, I was worried when I was doing that i think, I also kept walking pass her to look at her i think to check if i was attracted or not, but it makes me worried that I was attracted to her because im worried that i did it bc i was actually attracted. now looking back on it rn, I don’t feel panic, worry, shame, or guilt, I originally only felt panic and worry, never shame or guilt. Now I don’t feel any of it, not feeling panic and worry now makes me think that I am a p, I don’t want to be a p. I hope im not a p, Ive talked to a therapist and they’ve said that it’s pocd, but it wasn’t a official diagnosis, I’m worried it was a false diagnosis because I lied on one or two of the questions. I also constantly get senses of what I hope is false attraction when I see some kids, I keep trying to figure out if it is real or false attraction. Can someone give me some advice please

POCD

Shaodidi

Date posted: 12w

I don’t understand who I am

TW So I haven’t been diagnosed with pocd, but many ppl said that I have it. I was in bed when I remembered this time when I first started experiencing what I hope is false attraction not actual pedophilia, I’m looking back on it rn n I’m worried it wasn’t false attraction, I remember feeling a sense of attraction when I saw that kid, I was about14 at the time and the kid was 11 or 12. I remember constantly searching to see if it was normal for a 14 year old to like a 12 or 11 year old, I was worried when I was doing that i think, I also kept walking pass her to look at her i think to check if i was attracted or not, but it makes me worried that I was attracted to her because im worried that i did it bc i was actually attracted. now looking back on it rn, I don’t feel panic, worry, shame, or guilt, I originally only felt panic and worry, never shame or guilt. Now I don’t feel any of it, not feeling panic and worry now makes me think that I am a p, I don’t want to be a p. I hope im not a p, Ive talked to a therapist and they’ve said that it’s pocd, but it wasn’t a official diagnosis, I’m worried it was a false diagnosis because I lied on one or two of the questions. I also constantly get senses of what I hope is false attraction when I see some kids, and I keep trying to figure out if it is real or false attraction. Also some other time today I was feeling aroused and I wanted to m#sturbate, but then thoughts of kids started popping up, I think that I didn’t like them, I’m not sure any more, but while I was finishing the thoughts kept comigg by, idk what it means but it felt like I enjoyed it, which made me worried, but after I finished the thoughts disappeared a lot more, idk why that happened idk what it means, could someone give me some advice pls?? I don’t wanna be a pedo. All of that happening makes me feel like I am one, can someone give me advice on what’s happening and what I am??

POCD

Shaodidi

Date posted: 11w

Doubting pocd

So I just read a Reddit post about how this guy found out that he was a pedo because of how he started feeling that he was still attracted to middle schoolers as a 14 year old in high school and it never changed even when he got into adulthood. I’m currently under the age of 16 and I’m worried of my attraction feelings I felt towards some kids I’ve seen on social media and real life, I’m not sure if they are false or not. I have gotten a diagnosis, I remember lying on 2 questions, saying I didn’t feel aroused and that i don’t enjoy the thoughts n feelings. I’m not sure if i enjoy the thoughts and feelings, and now im worried i about it, i dont feel worry dread panic or shame and disgust when I get those thoughts and feelings anymore. I also remember that when i was 14 I felt attracted to a 12 or 11 year old, i kept going back to look at her idk why, but i think that i was worried because I didn’t want to be attracted to younger aged ppl. Im worried that all of these feelings of attraction aren’t false and that they are a reflection of who i am. I do not wish to be a pedo, nor do I wish to like kids. I know that I won’t hurt kids, but I’m scared that I am a pedo because of the feelings I get. I don’t understand myself anymore, I hope it’s pocd not actual pedophilia, I don’t trust that diagnosis I got because of those 2 questions I lied on, I said that i don’t like those thoughts n feelings even though I don’t know if I really do or not, can someone please help me? Idk what I have anymore, I don’t want it to be pedophilia

POCD

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I can’t tell wether or not I have pocd

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