suffering too much

OCD is an opportunist! Questioning your faith is a normal human thing to do. We question everything all the time. Your OCD is latching onto that because it knows it obviously means a lot to you and will cause you distress. An all powerful God wouldn’t want his creation to feel so guilt and distress on questioning his existence, that’s your OCD. Do your best to fight back against your religious OCD with your prevention messages! You’re going to be ok, best of luck!

I have experienced everything you mentioned in your post, and I wish I could give you a hug! Religious OCD is one of the most debilitating and something I have struggled with my entire life. I am a natural skeptic and so faith has never come easily to me and I’ve struggled a lot when my OCD would make me doubt my beliefs or make me question my salvation. At 28 years old I still struggle with this but the flares aren’t as debilitating now. Over the years I have pressed into my fears, doubts and intrusive thoughts that make me feel like a terrible sinner, and brought them all to the foot of the cross. The more I’ve gotten to know God’s character, the more at peace I feel bringing Him the weight of my obsessions. He knows exactly what you’re going through, nothing you think is a surprise to Him. He knows our OCD brains play tricks on us and cause us to stumble, but He is there to pick us up every time. He knows your heart and knows you love Him, and that’s all that matters. Remember that when Jesus died in the cross for you, He covered your past, current and future sins. He loves you and doesn’t want you to fight this battle alone! Keep pressing into Him and don’t let go of His hand. Like peter walking in the water, just keep your eyes focused on the Lord. 🫶🏼

I’m back with some resources! These are just a few off the top of my head. - The Bible app from YouVersion in the app store - The Bible Recap with Tara-Leigh Cobble (this is also a free plan on the bible app. She goes in depth explaining the Bible in a few chapters at a time.) - Any reading plan on the Bible app that include themes for anxiety, stress or doubt. One example is “Winning the War In Your Mind” plan by Craig Groeschel - Embraced: 100 Devotions to Know God is Holding You Close by Lysa TerKeurst (this can be found on amazon!) - Get Out of Your Head by Jennie Allen - Any devotion by The Daily Grace Co website Even reading tiny bite size pieces of scripture can make a huge difference. Another thing that really helps calm me down during a spiral is the Hidden In My Heart album by scripture lullabies. Be still and know is my favorite song! If you can’t read scripture due to the stress, this album sings it to you in the most calming way.

Dont give up!!! There are so many people that struggle with the exact same issues you have. I am one of those people. I have had OCD for as long as I can remember, and most of it was in the form of scrupulosity - and I'm in my 40s now. If you are worried about explaining OCD to your family, hopefully all the online resources will help validate this issue as real to them, and not something you struggle with all by yourself. I STRONGLY SUGGEST looking up Mark DeJesus. These 2 links are a great place to start: https://markdejesus.com/scrupulosity-religious-ocd-resource-page/ https://markdejesus.com/ocdhelp/ God has really gifted him with the ability to speak truth to Christians with OCD. Also, there are other Christians with this disorder. One of them is a psychiatrist who has written several books on the issue. One of the coolest ones is where he talks about 3 major figures in Christian Church history and how they likely had OCD (there just wasn't a word for it yet back then). He even writes about how God used their OCD to change the course of history. His name is Dr. Ian Osborn. His website is OCDandChristianity.com Last but not least, Jaimie Eckert is a great resource for those with scrupulosity. Her website is scrupulosity.com - and she has lots of youtube videos and shorts that I find to be very helpful. She is also a Christian. As an FYI - God has taught me a lot about fighting OCD along the way, and I published a book about all he has taught me (see more at WagingWarAgainstOCD.com). Also, if interested - you can also listen to an interview I did with Jaimie at https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GdR5QS_Hsok I hope these help! PS - DONT fell guilty for your thoughts. They are not your own....that is why they are called intrusive, b/c they intrude on your mind and are bothersome. They are what psychiatry calls ego-dystonic, or not of your own will.

I want to talk to my family about what I’m going through, but I’m scared they’ll think I’m crazy. We’re already dealing with a lot of problems—especially financial ones—and that’s what’s been stopping me from telling them about my mental health struggles. I don’t want to be a burden, and I’m afraid they won’t understand what I’m going through.

Thank you so much. This means a lot but I'm really struggling so hard and I don't know how to strengthen my faith again. Do you have any advice? I badly need one because I can't do this anymore. I'm so exhausted and I feel like I'm a horrible person.