When I woke up today I got intense feelings of arousal and urges to masturbate and thoughts of this 12 year old kid I’ve seen irl started popping up, idk why it all happened, I can’t tell if I liked it or not. Or if I wanted it or not.
Sounds like classic OCD. It takes real normal sensations and tries to mix it with the most disturbing stuff. Thinking about a 12 year old I’d guess it’s the last thing you want to imagine while in that state otherwise it wouldn’t disturb you to the point you come post it here. Once you’re in that state trying to figure it out is the worst thing you can do even though your instincts are driving you to try and figure it out. You’re gonna be anxious, you were actually aroused at the moment, so that will come into play as well and OCD will do the rest by sending you down the rabbit hole. You saying that you can’t tell, suggests to me you got lost somewhere down that hole. I’d suggest when those thoughts do pop in, specially in moments like that, just label it OCD and move on. It’ll be very hard and uncomfortable to just label it and move on without giving into the analysis and what if scenarios but that’s precisely why and when you need to do it. Good luck 💪
@Amilton Could I get some support from you on something? I don't want to take away from this person's post though.
@Anony1314 Of course, if it’s something I can help with I’d be happy to.
@Anony1314 Yes typing something up. But glitched out. Will try to post again. Give me one moment.
@Anony1314 First I want to say that I am really sorry this happened to you and I am sorry you are going through all of this. Before I say anything I’d like you to know I’m not a professional, but I do struggle with similar thoughts. I’ve struggled with POCD and HOCD amongst other themes. I did so much research in hopes to understand what is happening to me. Based on that your scenario sounds like your OCD can get pretty severe, people struggle with it a different levels from what I’ve been able to tell. It sounds like you experienced what they call “hyper body sensitivity” where OCD makes you hyper sensitive to normal body sensations SPECIALLY during taboo themes, that will lead to anxiety and strong discomfort which will increase your heart rate make your more hyper sensitive and enhance whatever sensation you were feeling at the moment, that combined with intrusive thoughts makes a terrible mix which will send you down really dark rabit holes. As far as you actually using your elbow, I strongly feel like that’s linked to this behavior in OCD called “checking” or something along those lines. Is pretty much just another way for you to get reassurance that you wouldn’t actually enjoy those things. Recognizing these symptoms and even taking some time to read on them will help you a lot when it comes to labeling and separating yourself from OCD. I’m sorry, I hope things get more manageable and you’re able to enjoy your daughter’s company again.
@Amilton Thank you friend. Classic OCD to you?
@Anony1314 Absolutely & try to practice not searching for reassurance, with the exception of situations similar to the one you shared earlier. But anything else try to label it and move on. OCD will keep asking you’re sure, it’ll keep asking you to double check - ask someone else questions- review memories and that’s when you should resist. The phrase I use a lot as a mental note when the anxiety and uncertainty feeling gets worse is “Let it burn, give it nothing”. Idk it might help or you can come up with your own. Good luck 💚
@Anony1314 What do you expect a “testing compulsion” to feel like ? Also I know OCD thrives on uncertainty, it can make you question things you are absolutely sure about, leave alone if a little doubt creeps in then the uncertainty feelings gets stronger and the more you give in although you may get temporary relief it will only make the uncertainty feel stronger and the anxiety more intense when it does come back. In the very beginning of my OCD I was driving and then made a right turn. As I finished making that turn my mind for some reason started question if that was really a right turn …. Stupid I know 🤦🏽♂️ but the uncertainty felt so real and the anxiety so strong that I made a U-turn went back to the same road and turned right again just to make sure I really turned right. That’s when I knew for sure something was definitely wrong with me. The decision to go back and turn right again even though intellectually and logically I knew turned right was caused by OCD and the anxiety and how real the uncertainty can feel. All this to say if it can happen with something so trivial and get me going like that imagine with something more serious, it can 100% make the uncertainty feel so real to the point where you are really questioning yourself.
@Amilton Thanks friend. I'm not very sure what a testing compulsion should feel like. But I believe it shouldn't feel wanted in the moment as much as this felt. That's what terrifies me you know
@Anony1314 The compulsion part of OCD are the ones we do willingly. We WANT to do them the end goal is always to appease the anxiety. By checking you ended up having the expected reaction and was disgusted and disappointed by it as casual as it may have been. I can guarantee you that’s not how P move in real life. I also think you’d benefit from professional help if you’re not already getting some. I’m goin through therapy right now myself and it’s easier to open up than it feels before you start. And these therapists here at NOCD have heard it all.
Sounds like OCD to me my friend!!
Last night I was self pleasuring. I didn’t set out to think about anything weird but as I was doing it some pocd thoughts were in my brain. I did not get off to them, but I could have. Idk why that is but it is. Idk what to do and idk why I am this way. Is there some science about the brain while aroused or is it possible that the more gross or taboo something is I can like it?? Idk, just want to know if anyone can relate.
I get thoughts of kids Whever I think or see an image of someone my age, like for example today I saw a bikini pic of a girl my age and it randomly reminded me of a pic of a kid in a bikini I saw a month ago, is this a sign of something bad? My thought usually come up when I think abt someone my age I’m into, and they also feel like I’m purposely thinking of them, I’m not sure if it intrusive thoughts or not, it feels difficult to figure out. These thoughts also don’t distress me anymore, idk if it means something bad or not, but I do not wish to be a pedo, I hope to eventually have a relationship with a girl my age. Alongside all of that, sometimes when I see a kid I get a sense of attraction, but I’m not sure if it is false or not, to me it feels so real, but I don’t wanna be attracted to kids. I’ve just started therapy, I’m currently trying to find a way to get a diagnosis, I really hope I’m not diagnosed as a pedo. Ik that false attraction comes with negative emotion, but I don’t feel negative emotion when I get what I hope is false attraction, I keep trying to figure out if what I’m feeling is false or true because I don’t feel negative emotions, it makes me worried that it’s real and that I really am a pedo. Not looking for reassurance but can someone tell me if these are pure o ocd symptoms or something actually bad?
I just had intense sexual thoughts of this 6 yo, I got intense groinal response and I felt like I genuinely liked the thoughts, like I had 0 distress from the thoughts and I felt intense groinal response, I felt like I wanted the thoughts, now I feel like a litteral pedo, I don’t wanna be a pedo, idk why I felt that way towards the thoughts, but it felt genuine, like attraction and enjoyment, I’ve not been diagnosed with pocd and I just started therapy, can someone please help me? Idk why this happened or if it even is pocd, I don’t wish to be a pedo but I feel like one rn.
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