Lonely and struggling

OCD can be so isolating. I’m in a health anxiety spiral and struggling at work. I feel like I am failing everywhere and feeling very alone. My support system is tired of hearing about my fears, health wise and work wise. I find myself crying a lot. I don’t particularly enjoy doing anything anymore. I feel like I just can’t get comfortable in my skin or my head sometimes. I’m not sure how to else to describe it. Like nothing soothes me or makes it better. Even sleep is bad dreams and waking up anxious all night. I’ve always felt different from everyone else but when I’m on meds I can fake it better and I feel more connected. I want to go back on SSRI’s but I’ve been dealing with health issues and the meds exacerbate them so am delaying for the time being

s3s3

Date posted: 11w

Never forget you are not alone. You will always have support from many people on here

OCDMM

Date posted: 11w

@s3s3 Thank you. I am grateful for a community of people going through the same thing ❤️

justopher

Date posted: 11w

I completely understand the feeling of being alone in this, I felt the same way. When I found NOCD, I felt like I could breathe again. You are definitely not alone! Wishing you all the recovery in the world and don’t be afraid to share more. I have sleep anxiety as well, what has worked for me is limiting screen time before before and a little melatonin about an hour before laying down.

OCDMM

Date posted: 11w

@justopher Thank you! I am just so tired of feeling this way. Really hoping the new meds I was prescribed help me to feel better

AnxietyGirl

Date posted: 10w

Heyyy!!! You are doing great! You are not alone! Look at how much you are handling! And so well too!! You have this community here. I have experienced all of what you say here, and listen! Our bodies, they want to keep us safe. They overdo that sometimes. They do it because they love you. Self compassion can go a long way! Even if you can just place your hand on your heart or somewhere lower, it can be very soothing. Try the hand on solar plexus or hand on heart. And gently breathe. Crying is a gooooddd thing! I cry a lot too! It's a great source of stress release, as well as creates a sense of relief. Your body knows what it's doing. Trust me. You'll be fine! You can type all your fears here. You got this!

OCDMM

Date posted: 10w

@AnxietyGirl Thank you so much for your reply! I’ve been reading that as well, to trust that our bodies want to protect us. Sorry you’ve been through this as well, but it’s comforting to know I’m not alone 🙏🏻❤️ I’ve been crying a lot, partly because I’m scared, partly because this can be so isolating

AnxietyGirl

Date posted: 10w

@OCDMM Of course it is. Of course it is!! Make sure you acknowledge that. Once you acknowledge that you'll be able to move past it, including finding solutions as well as practising self-care, you're already doing exposures. Anyway. That's what we are here for, but beyond that remember to be gentle with your body and give it a lot of gratitude. And thank you for your kindness. Yes, it's been incredibly hard but sometimes I wonder if I would have had it any other way? Would I have chosen that? I think ultimately this was a very rewarding and learning journey for me, so even if it was hard, I'm glad I was able to handle it and I hope to continue to build resilience and participate in this group and remember that I'm not alone

OCDMM

Date posted: 10w

@AnxietyGirl It sounds like you’ve taken this experience and found the good in it. It’s great that you’ve learned so much and that you’re using your own journey to help others. I always think about how I would do things differently but it’s a silly exercise because we can’t go back. We can just learn from it and move forward and do our best to use our stories for good

nae nae

Date posted: 24w

Afraid I won't recover

I'm going through a rough time. I used to think medication would brighten my world, but if anything, it's muted it. The physical anxiety is less, and I felt okay(ish) for a while, but things are getting bad again. I'm so afraid I'll never get to a point where I feel safe in my body and in my mind. Today is the first day I've cried in... I don't know how long. But I didn't feel the relief I thought I would. Initially, I did, but it morphed into dread, and now I'm sitting by myself, trying not to panic. I really want to begin seeing a therapist for OCD, but I don't know how much my insurance covers. There's just so much on my mind right now. A whole bunch of old themes are resurfacing. I wish I could've been given a different path in life. I'm trying to stay strong. It's just really difficult. I feel like I'm being sent back to square one :(

BigGyro09

Date posted: 19w

Life kinda just sucks right now 18+ only

Never feels like I can fully put my mind to rest. The problem with OCD for me is once I'm over one worry there's another buried deep into my mind that I'm not fully over. The two events I'm not completely over is when I tried to help a 17 year old with POCD when I was 19 and the topics unfortunately were detailed and even then I explained to them I wasn't comfortable with talking to them. I guess I just had a hard time saying no to someone needing help but it eventually made me so uncomfortable that I stopped talking with them altogether at some point. Then the other thing is being so worried that I committed a crime because my elbow touched someone's behind when I didn't want that to happen at all. I didn't want to listen to my OCD by saying move my arm or something horrible is going to happen so I didn't and then something bad actually did happen. I thought it would just be a light touch while zipping a bag up but then it was worse than I ever wanted it to be and it was so awkward and I hated it. I feel like I just won't be able to get back to the way I was before OCD started all of this. Aside from that I've just had extreme health anxiety but am too afraid to reach out to a PCP even though I need to. Something deep down is telling me I should do this but I'm just so anxious and embarrassed about sharing things to them. I can't even enjoy the things I used to do because this is constantly just messing up my life. I'm hoping I get a start of positivity next time I see my therapist. This just sucks. Feels like others around me are doing so much better than I am and I'm just kind of stuck on these same problems and feeling absolute shame and guilt from the past over and over again. I'm just so sick of dealing with this every single day so I just use escape whenever I can. Even that doesn't really work. I just wish I could go back in time.

Aprilshowers...

Date posted: 17w

My OCD

Please if someone can reply! I really just need someone to talk to. I don’t even know how to control my OCD. It honestly feels like it’s controlling me. Everyday my mind focuses on every bodily sensation I have and it’s like a broken record player, I have horrible health anxiety and my OCD just makes it worst just thinking about it everyday. It feels like everyone who I explain it to looks at me like I’m stupid/crazy. I use to be much more tame with my OCD, I use to eat things without worry, now I can’t even touch things I use to eat without worrying that I’ll get an allergic reaction (despite eating them BEFORE,,,but my mind tells me otherwise) and omg worrying about heart attacks, pulmonary issues..and I couldn’t even enjoy my own child’s birth because my mind was on high alert thinking I would hemorrhage any second or develop pre-E (complications of postpartum) I was miserable for the first couple of months of my baby’s life and I didn’t know what to do. And now, I’m pregnant with my second (4wks) and all the OCD thoughts and anxiety is coming back at me and I have no one to talk to, I feel lonely. And even if I considered taking a pill, I’d worry about being allergic to it and refusing to take it. I ruin everything for everyone. I remember I ate out one night and I started to think “you’re gonna pass out! You’re gonna pass out! (Without ever passing out before) and I had to leave! I feel like I ruin the mood for everyone when I don’t even try to, and I hate it.

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Lonely and struggling

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