So i was watching this girl on youtube. I watched her and got kinda sad because she really matches who i used to be u know? Like if i wouldnt be having hocd i would be her right now, we have like the same style, humor and interests a bit. So i see her getting her room christmas ready and jm just here being sad because i wish i could feel the winter and christmas vibes like she does but i feel empty instead lol. Anyway i see a video where she casually says shes bi. I really did not expect that from her bevause she ls like super girly and like the basic lifestyle beautyguru kinda girl and i was like shook because it doesnt happen a lot. And i expected myself to be anxious but i actually felt relieved by it? Like u can be bi and still feel cozy and feel girly n cute. And now why that comforts me is i think because that makes me *accept* being bi easier. And now im not saying im bi but we all know that if you want to get rid of hocd u gotta accept what you fear. Now i fear im gay and bi, i fear liking girls. But if she is still herself than i can be too and like fake accept it so i can come at peace and my old self would maybe actually return you know and things would clear up. Im hoping that if things clear up i would just like boys only again and find myself again and i wouldnt have to be anxious anymore ebvause i accepted to be bi without actually being it. Idk is this like a good thing to do?

Hey, i get what u mean but with hocd it aint that easy lol. But she helps me face my fear so im not comparing her with me, its more thst she helps me being able to still be my while in trying to heal :)

You don’t need to accept that you are bi, you just need to accept that you have thoughts about it and ultimately they are just thoughts.

@Kirk1334 Well i wish but i already did that and it s not helping. Its like, everyone who i know that has recovered had to face their fears. Its something thst really makes impact. Its like exposure therapy u know. Im so done with this and it actually gives me some hope ifni do this

@hocdgirlsummer Well then maybe your right, you say there is a possibility that you could be bi, may be, may not be and sit with the anxiety until it passes.

@Kirk1334 Well idk if theres a possibility tho lol im still too anxious to be able to say that but like this girl on yourube really made it easy for me to be bi u know. And if she makes it comfortable for me i cant lowkey fake accept and see if i could finally get to my senses and conclude thst these thoughts are nonsense and i could feel attracted to guys again.

@hocdgirlsummer I can*

Yeah honestly being gay is like my biggest fear so accepting im bi is like a step? And like maybe it will gibe me peace of mind and realise that these thoughts are insane and find my true self again you know. I will let you know, thank u for commenting :)

@hocdgirlsummer Be careful not to do this compulsively. I used to change my labels from bi to pan back and forth and it made me nothing but confused and doubt that I was either label in the first place. Once your HOCD settles and you know that you’ll be happy identifying as bi, then go ahead.

Period, i dont want to give up on men. If i would be truly into girls they wouldve made me feel the same was as men did period. And i came to the conlusion that i deadass miss men. I do and idk if it will come back but thats what i like. There cant be another explanation. But its so hard to truly truly believe that 24/7/ subconsciously if theres no attraction u know. Accepting im lesbian gives me deep anxiety i just odnt want to think about it. When it pops up i try to get it out of my head as fast as i can, bevause otherwise my hocd could become as bad as it used to be. Now im just not happy and im depressed nut having the first stage of hocd while being unhappy and depressed is like... hell

@hocdgirlsummer If i liked girls i wouldnt be here fighting so hard to get attraction to guys back right? It dont make snese

I know sis:) thats the exact reason why im accepting being bi. Because if i do accept something im not, i will realise like wtf am i doing? This is not me! And i might come to terms and get my true self back. Because i tell myself this everyday but never does my brain believe me. If i make it believe something that aint real too it might bounce back and be like yo wait a minute, ur giving in? I hope it works