- Date posted
- 5y
- Date posted
- 5y
Give it time ❤️ I know im not a lesbian because i just got a boyfriend, if i was a lesbian i wouldnt want to be with my boyfriend or have sex with him.
- Date posted
- 5y
Comparing yourself to others is a bad trap dont fall into it If you want something write it down and go out and get it
- Date posted
- 5y
Hey, i get what u mean but with hocd it aint that easy lol. But she helps me face my fear so im not comparing her with me, its more thst she helps me being able to still be my while in trying to heal :)
- Date posted
- 5y
But by * accepting* it my brain immediately says that i actually should start liking girls now which comes with a lot of fake attracred which turns into anxiety sooo... idk if this is gonna help
- Date posted
- 5y
You don’t need to accept that you are bi, you just need to accept that you have thoughts about it and ultimately they are just thoughts.
- Date posted
- 5y
@Kirk1334 Well i wish but i already did that and it s not helping. Its like, everyone who i know that has recovered had to face their fears. Its something thst really makes impact. Its like exposure therapy u know. Im so done with this and it actually gives me some hope ifni do this
- Date posted
- 5y
@hocdgirlsummer Well then maybe your right, you say there is a possibility that you could be bi, may be, may not be and sit with the anxiety until it passes.
- Date posted
- 5y
@Kirk1334 Well idk if theres a possibility tho lol im still too anxious to be able to say that but like this girl on yourube really made it easy for me to be bi u know. And if she makes it comfortable for me i cant lowkey fake accept and see if i could finally get to my senses and conclude thst these thoughts are nonsense and i could feel attracted to guys again.
- Date posted
- 5y
@hocdgirlsummer I can*
- Date posted
- 5y
I try accepting I'm bi but then I worry I'm only lesbian. You can give it a go. I think this could work for you, let me know how you get on x
- Date posted
- 5y
Yeah honestly being gay is like my biggest fear so accepting im bi is like a step? And like maybe it will gibe me peace of mind and realise that these thoughts are insane and find my true self again you know. I will let you know, thank u for commenting :)
- Date posted
- 5y
@hocdgirlsummer Be careful not to do this compulsively. I used to change my labels from bi to pan back and forth and it made me nothing but confused and doubt that I was either label in the first place. Once your HOCD settles and you know that you’ll be happy identifying as bi, then go ahead.
- Date posted
- 5y
Yeah for me it's like I don't want to give up on men even tho my attraction seems to have gone. (I get glimmers of attraction now and again which I love) But accepting I'm a lesbian just makes me so scared and doesn't sit right with me
- Date posted
- 5y
Period, i dont want to give up on men. If i would be truly into girls they wouldve made me feel the same was as men did period. And i came to the conlusion that i deadass miss men. I do and idk if it will come back but thats what i like. There cant be another explanation. But its so hard to truly truly believe that 24/7/ subconsciously if theres no attraction u know. Accepting im lesbian gives me deep anxiety i just odnt want to think about it. When it pops up i try to get it out of my head as fast as i can, bevause otherwise my hocd could become as bad as it used to be. Now im just not happy and im depressed nut having the first stage of hocd while being unhappy and depressed is like... hell
- Date posted
- 5y
@hocdgirlsummer If i liked girls i wouldnt be here fighting so hard to get attraction to guys back right? It dont make snese
- Date posted
- 5y
Accept the thoughts. They are just thoughts, they arent reality. Try to accept them, they are just thoughts. OCD cant change who u really are.
- Date posted
- 5y
I know sis:) thats the exact reason why im accepting being bi. Because if i do accept something im not, i will realise like wtf am i doing? This is not me! And i might come to terms and get my true self back. Because i tell myself this everyday but never does my brain believe me. If i make it believe something that aint real too it might bounce back and be like yo wait a minute, ur giving in? I hope it works
Related posts
- Date posted
- 21w
I’ve had hocd for around 11 months now. It’s gotten to the point where I’m just convinced that I am bi. I still like boys like I always have, but I feel like I like girls too. I have no anxiety either or active thoughts. It’s just kinda there like yep I’m bi and ok with it. Anyone else? Just curious.
- Date posted
- 13w
MY STORY i’ve grown up in a mostly supportive family and area and we are not homophobic. i grew up knowing what gay people were and i don’t care i grew up not to care. im from nj. my parents are friends with a lesbian couple and we see them once in while. i grew up watching people like joey graceffa whose gay. i also had some school friends that were gay like this kid kevin and this girl elizabeth. i also babysit a little gay boy who likes to dress up as a girl and i always tell him to embrace it and defend him. i wouldn’t care if a friend was gay or anything like i wouldn’t care if my sister was it would just make me rethink things about myself i think. from a young age i liked male attention and had labeled boys as crushes from my mom says. i dont think i liked girls when i was younger and my mom said it was only guys. but idk maybe there was. However i do remeber hairy men when i was younger would gross me out like with black hair and pale. my mom said every since i was a little girl i would tell her i liked boys. as i got older and in middle school i always wanted guys to want me and think i was funny and pretty and i would get awkward around them and nervous around them. but i remeber i didn’t have specific things i found hot or attractive and if someone said something was hot i would just agree and start telling myself it was hot even when i didn’t care i just wanted to be cool. then hocd hit at 13-15 during covid where i was so confused. the first time i had hocd i would like not avoid the thoughts i would do a lot of testing to figure it out for hours and hours in diffrent ways and would feel the same arousal and attraction im feeling now. but i remeber wanting to end up straight and try and rule out gay stuff. but it wasn’t avoidance i didnt have anything against gay people. when the thoughts were still there i still would only act on stuff with boys. when i first had it i remeber crying to my mom for like a month and i was like whatever she’s not helping im gonna figure this out by myself. that’s when i started testing myself for two years. over time it was just there. ofc it was distressing but i don’t remember much. slowly when i went to high school it faded because i loved going to parties and flirting with guys and talking about them and thinking what boy am i gonna kiss tonight it’s gonna be a crazy night. when covid ended and we went back to real like i started going to parties and kissing boys. i started dating one boy and we would talk all the time just not really hangout so we broke up because i wanted more male attention and was kinda bored of the relation shop. i started hu with this one boy and like didn’t really know if i was into it cause i kinda wanted to hoe around and we were kinda like locked in and i didn’t know if i wanted that. so he got the hint i wasn’t into it and stopped talking to me moved on to another girl and got popular in the span of like two weeks. after this i was obsessed with him and got all nervous to see him and i always just wanted to be like can we go back to the way we were. we then started to “hate” eachother and i was so sad all the time he didn’t want me anymore and moved on. we hooked up in and off for two years. then i started hooking up with this one kid cause i always thought he was really funny and chill. we hooked up for a little and then i started to get the ick. i then got with like two other boys at parties. so then we stopped talking and i started talking to the “hate eachother kid” again. we then started dating and he’s my current boyfriend of a little over a year. all these instances made me feel good and i loved the attention and drama. but i struggled with committing with people. i don’t know if this all for validation because i loved when men wanted me it gave me an ego boost and still does even if i didn’t really want them or couldn’t get it to last with a boy. i’m scared it was all for attention and confidence there attention gave me. i liked feeling like a baddie. i liked when the hot funny guys liked me now at 18 it’s back and for six months all i been doing is talking to my mom my sister and my dad about it constantly researching and checking and for those six months i was in a haze of just despair. i was also in erp but it was so bad i couldn’t sit with the distress so i didn’t make much progress and my pyscuatrust told me to stop for a while until we get my brain right with meds. after three weeks no erp and more meds of seretonin and rexulti i finally don’t feel distress or anxious but the feelings of attraction are still there. i thought there supposed to vanish. i’m from nj and from a supportive family and ig supportive environment and friends. i’m 18. and in high school okay so growing up my mo said i only liked guys and would talk about guy crushes and had two celebrity guy crushes. this was all the way up into middle school. then when middle school came around i started liking this guy cause he was funny and popular. then we started dating and everytime he would do something affectionate i would start crying and get so tense and freak out so i broke up with him because he made me so nervous . a year later i still liked him and i got back together with him and the same thing happened so i broke up with him. i think during middle school i liked guys. my mom said i did. i also would get really nervous when any of them would come around to hangout and i wouldn’t talk. but i would also just follow what my friends and sister said. if they said a guy was hot i would just agree. i dont know if i actually found them attractive. i still kinda do this to this day. then covid hit for two years. during those two years i was in my house house and got hocd. so i had hocd sexual intrusive thoughts only and had the groinal really bad. but i would still try and have crushes on guys and think i did. but my hocd also attached itself to one of my pretty friends who was a girl. it made me have a lot of sexual thoughts that i would masturbate to about her. it was about her waist and stuff and it made me loose myself. before hocd me and her were bestfriends and really close and im not sure if i had feelings for her. i mean i was always jealous cause all the guys always wanted her and thought she was pretty. then we got out of covid and i was now in high school. the hocd slowly faded my freshman year. in the begining of freshman year there was this tall brunette guy who i started talking too for months and started dating and i would get all nervous when he came around. i really liked him and enjoyed talking to him. then we broke up cause we never hung out. after that for the next two years i developed what i thought two be two genuine crushes. i would make out with cute guys at parties for the experience and to add cute guys to my kids list. basically hocd was gone but i did this one thing sometimes i did is i would always try to prove i was straight to my mom. like if we were watching tv i would say a guy was hot. i didn’t want her to think i was gay even though she wouldn’t care at all but i would do this because she was the only one i would talk to about my sexual intrusive thoughts and feelings. i was hooking up with my guy best friend but then started to looses interest but he was still obsessed. one day he caught on i wasn’t into it started hanging out with older people and going to there parties and started hooking up with this older girl. i got super jealous and heartbroken cause he didn’t care about me. i don’t know if this heartbreak and crying was because he got popular, he wasn’t giving me attention, we weren’t friends anymore or because i actually liked him. i always had a thing for him after this. i started going to the older people parties and i always wanted to see him there and make him jealous. one and half years later we started talking again and we started dating. once we started dating we started having sex. almost every time or most of the time i finish when he eats me out, we have actual sex or if we’re just humping. we say i love you and stuff. ths first six months we would do everything together like just little shopping trips or whatever. we were always hanging out. then it started to dial down and i started getting annoyed with him sometimes which my mom and sister said was normal. but i still said love you and we would hangout and have sex but idk. i would have thoughts like we aren’t going to last because he’s not smart enough, and sometimes my mom would say this too. but she would also say how much he loved me and how he was such a sweet guy and how he would do anything for me. but idk i just wouldn’t feel it. like i still showed pda and did like him. would a lesbian who didn’t know it yet likely date a guy for a year and a half at 18, have sex like once a week, have orgasmed during penetration, creamed, squirted finished by his hands and mouth then hocd hit again. this time much worse. it was even stronger it felt like with the feelings. the first three months i was in this haze and was crying everyday that i might be gay and how i really really really didn’t want to be. i still have hocd and im in therapy and on medication. i cant tell if my attraction to men is real. my mom says it is and she knows me and im not gay and ive shown genuine excitement about guys. my sister says the same thing. but it feel like ive convinced myself ive been doing it to fit in. the thoughts got bad and ive told my mom my sister my dad and ive told three friends. my mom and sister ive told the details too or the intrusive thoughts and false attraction. i’ve always found women attractive and i find it easier to find them attractive like physically but never felt this way can i conclude im not lesbian? or like is it likely my attraction to men hasn’t been genuine
- Date posted
- 6w
I think i am getting better and i try to ignore my undiagnosed hocd but sometimes is really hard,the weird dreams,and sometimes idk if someone has this my mind is talking for myself like “i am bi” and i get really scared or completing things and is horrible and i have a compulsion and a fear for the feauture like what if i like girls and i dont want to let me or something else and i get really scared and i just know i am not bi i get scared when i am next to girls and anxiety and i want to be me again without hocd(i always had ocd but hocd is hell ) The hocd simptoms came like 3 months ago i started asking myself if i liked my friend just because we were understanding eachother better,then i saw i girl after a few days and i like how lashes suited her then my mind was telling me that i like her then a fear started,i vomited felt scared(i didnt know about hocd) and started feeling depressed,having intrusive thoughts all day,compulsions, dreams and then i found out abt hocd i felt better because i knew ways to feel better,TIPS if someone has this find a hobby to clear your mind,pray,meditate,and talk to someone But i just cant accept the uncertinty i just dont find normal sorry
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