so exhausted

Everyday always has to be something, I go through multiple different ocd induced spirals daily. Always worrying if I betrayed my partner. First it’s “did I cheat on my girlfriend and just forget?” Then it’s “Do sexual fantasies count as cheating? Did I betray her?” Then it’s “Oh you looked at your exes instagram out of a random impulse or curiosity a few times throughout your 2 year relationship that just mean you betrayed her” And many more throughout the day. I just feel so exhausted and tired. All I really want is to just be a good boyfriend, I just want to live in peace and wake up not always worried about something. I can never seem to really get over the ocd spiral unless I confess my ocd induced anxiety to my girlfriend. It’s obviously not healthy and it hurts her feelings more times than not. My girlfriend also has ocd so she tends to be more understanding but it doesn’t mean she isn’t hurt. I always feel trapped in the loop, if it’s not one thing it’s another. I’m ALWAYS worrying, I just feel stuck between a rock and a hard place. this has been going on for over a year, with only small breaks between spirals, i’m so unbelievably tired and more than anything, I just want to overcome this obstacle in my life and just be a good person and a good partner. If anyone has any advice, anything helps I feel so hopeless.

Relationship OCD

120

Date posted: 9w

That sounds really hard. One thing to consider is that talking to your girlfriend might be a reassurance seeking compulsion which could be making the intrusive worries worse. It could be worth trying to let the anxiety linger without trying to confess to see if that helps interrupt the ocd cycle over time, but those kinds of exposures are definitely hard and it’s hard to say what exactly will work

dley21

Date posted: 9w

I’m currently going thru the same thing. My main obsession is what if I cheated on my boyfriend and forgot. I’ve dealt with this for the year and a half we’ve been together, but I’d only go thru waves of it like once every 3-4 months. But, today is now 21 days in a row that I’ve had something to worry about. This is the longest I’ve been with it. I feel so exhausted too. Honestly I almost checked myself in to the mental hospital that’s in my town to just get a break. I know the exact feeling you get, so you’re not alone at all. I tell my boyfriend everything and he is so helpful. He doesn’t have OCD. He’s very patient and caring and loving which makes me all the more scared of cheating on him. But the other comment in this thread is right. I think when we tell our partners, it’s feeding that cycle, making it hard to break. It’s so hard not to tell them though because it feels like we have to. I’ve been trying to sit with the uncomfortableness and not tell my boyfriend and not to feed my thoughts by replaying what I thought in my over and over until I get reassurance that I didn’t do something. If it’s not too much or too “triggering”, do you want to explain more what your spirals look like? How long are you stuck on one of these thoughts? Mine are usually like 6 hours and then I find something else to worry about. When I talk about my experiences and people talk about theirs, I usually feel a lot better. It feels like I’m taking a step out of my OCD and going back to reality.

zoovy

Date posted: 8w

@dley21 sorry for the late reply, for me it’s been going on for over a year now on and off. right now it’s just what if i cheated and just forgot that really has a hold on me. i feel the anxiety every time i talk to her it’s just unbearable it just feels like i did it even though i can’t think of any time i actually did it if that makes sense. kinda like i feel the guilt of it but idk why i just feel convicted, i just want to cry every time i talk to her because i really just want to be a good man tbh. she’s an amazing woman and deserves the world. i’ve tried to explain these things to her but she asked me to stop because it was hurting her. and i guess the worst part of it is just not being able to trust myself on this either. when i see stuff about how i was a year ago and even when we first got together i was always obsessed and was talking about how i had a gf and was posted on social media but i feel like no matter what i tell myself i can’t trust myself :( not sure what to do

Anonnnnnm

Date posted: 22w

Please help (ROCD)!

I have been battling ocd for over a year now and it likes to switch themes. Currently, it’s attacking my relationship with my girlfriend who I’ve been with since I was in high school over 10 years ago. It first began as an intense feeling that I have to leave or break up with her over dumb little things. Then it changed into a lot of guilt for having any thought about another girl. And the worse is feeling this intense guilt for past things I’ve done in the past while in this relationship. We were so young and I was teenager, but I often found myself watching porn, fantasizing about real other people in my life, and getting off to other girls that I may have known. When I was younger I didn’t think it was bad and that it was just a normal teen boy thing, but 10 years later I have so much guilt about it. And yes I’m with the same girl now. We’ve had our ups and downs, but I know I love this girl and I’m ready to propose to her soon. Anyway, these past mistakes I did when I was younger make me feel like a cheater and I can’t stop ruminating about it. I feel like I have to admit every detail and person I’ve ever had a bad thought about. I feel like if I propose to her and don’t tell her everything, that I’m a lair and didn’t give her the full picture. And the other day one of the girls I thought was hot when I was younger, came up in convo and I just went downhill. Now she knows I deal with OCD and she is very supportive, I’ve told her before that I did some bad things, but never all the details. And that’s all my brain keeps telling me to do. I have so much tightness in my chest and just want to be able to breathe again. But everyone says to not admit or it’ll reinforce the cycle, I’m just not sure how everyone else does that. And at the same time, maybe I am a cheater and just simply a bad person. Idk! I never cheated physically or anything like that, but my past mistakes feel like I did. But again I may just be a bad person! Please if anyone has advice or is dealing with similar things, I’d appreciate the help!

Relationship OCD

Canes12345!

Date posted: 21w

My life with ocd

I’m a good man and I know that. My OCD revolves around relationships. While dating someone a truly enjoy, I find myself needing to compulse everything on my mind or else I feel like I’m being a liar or keeping secrets. I also am pretty confident I suffer from false memory ocd. I don’t like to put a label on things but I’m 99.9% sure I do. My compulsions a lot of times come from things I’m not even sure are real. The more thought I put into them, the more I start to believe they are real. One of the worst compulsions I had in my relationship was I had a thought “what if I find my ex more attractive” and “what if I thought the sex with them was better”. I ended up compulsing these things to my gf. After lots of time to think and get a ahold of myself I was able to remind myself that these things weren’t true and I was just in a downward spiral. There was a 2-3 month period where every time I was relieved of something then I would instantly think of something else. These compulsions have caused insecurity in my gf and I feel like a terrible person. Never meant to hurt her at all and was just trying to find a sense of relief. While I know it is not true, I can’t fix things with words and I feel terrible. I would love to hear from people with tricks and strategies that can help. I love my gf and want to fix things and understand this is not a relationship fixer app but I would like to know what are some ways you are able to deal with these kind of things.

DannyO507

Date posted: 12w

I need help dealing with this

I have been really really struggling for the past 3 months and haven’t been able to stop intrusive thoughts/ rumination and confessing. It’s making me question my entire life, my relationship and even who I am as a person. It’s mainly effecting my relationship, I am so afraid that I did something or think things that are definitely hurtful to my partner. I know my brain is contorting my own memory and making things seem so much worse. I also know I haven’t done anything bad, all my things I’ve confessed about have been considered “normal” and I’ve been told that “you’re normal, you didn’t do anything wrong”. But I have felt this intense sense of guilt and shame and it doesn’t go away, I can’t even be a normal person anymore. And I keep searching for “just one more thing I need to tell” and I don’t want to keep searching my brain of every time I’ve said or done anything that I can distort and make seem 1000% worse. I’m isolating myself and just feel like I’m a bad person. I keep confessing my thoughts, feeling, urges, etc. to my partner and while I know I would never do any of these I feel like my ocd is trying to convince me that maybe I would because “why else would you think it or feel guilty” and that makes it so much worse. I really need guidance on how to handle this. What do I do to stop feeling like this and heal?

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