I’m not even sure I WANT to be a girl anymore. I don’t want to be trans and I’m literally almost convinced. I don’t care. I just think there’s no choice but to transition, cause there’s way too much proof. I feel like even as a child I show too many signs of it. There’s actual proof that is SO BAD. Maybe I got tocd because it was an easy target. Maybe I have so much proof to this that tocd was the thing to make me panic the most. I’ve always wanted to be a woman in the future but now? What now? There’s just too much proof for me NOT to be transgender.

Thank you so much. I’m sorry if I said anything stupid, I was panicking a lot and not thinking straight. I used to WANT people to think I was a boy. I had short hair and I was literally thrilled with people thinking I was a boy. I don’t know why I did it and why I liked it so much. There’s many more. I know this doesn’t make me trans but the proof is slowly piling up on top of me and literally crushing me down. At the age of 11 I told all of my friends that I wanted to be a boy. I used to think of being transgender as a possibility, I actually thought about it quite a lot in the past, even though I knew I wasn’t. It’s scary

@margo1 You didn't say anything stupid. Don't worry. Even if you did I'm not the type that would scream at you for it. I used to be, before OCD, but I learned my lesson.

@Vimli Thanks for helping though. You’ve really helped me. I’m getting better and I know it’s ocd because I’ve got ocd symptoms plus I’ve dealt with pure o before.

@margo1 You need to look into therapy though, if you're not in therapy already. Please. Before it spirals into other themes like POCD and you get your life as destroyed as mine

@Vimli My parents are strictly against therapy. I’ve told them about pure o before but they got angry at me and took away my phone and my computer. I don’t wanna risk telling them about tocd, they’ll laugh and say I’m being stupid

@margo1 God-fucking-damnit. Like most cases, parents are a BIIIIG help *rolls eyes*. I'm really upset and sorry, because the same thing happened to me. Cried in my moms car, told her I had a disorder so bad that at times I can't eat, can't get out of bed and cry all day and she told me I'm a lazy piece of shit making up illnesses. I told her a few days ago I got officially diagnosed. She had her foot in her fucking mouth. Problem is, I'm 20 years old and I use the money from my social benefits or whatever to fund my therapy sessions. The money for my therapy isn't reliant on her allowances. So at least in that aspect, I'm lucky. What helped my mom kind of at least give me the OK for therapy is that this one time I went out with her and a friend of hers who studied psychology and while we were having a conversation where my mom ragged on me being fucking worthless, I asserted myself and started telling my moms friend all the ways in which my mom has been a terrible mother. This in turn shifted the convo to "what I think my mother should do to help me with whatever I'm struggling" and I said pay for my therapy because I literally have a debilitating illness and she doesn't believe me. I told her a lot of the things I'm going through and my mom's friend acknowledged that I needed help, even though she kind of self-promo'd and tried to tell my mom that its too much work to talk with a foreign online OCD specialist instead of seeing a local psychologist, but I was like "my money, my choice". So if you can get some of your parents friends to tell your parents like "hey your child has confided in me, shes saying she need help and yall wont let her get it, please reconsider" that could potentially do something.

@Vimli My mom told me it’s because I spent too much time on the Internet. She took away my electronic devices and I cried for DAYS in my room. I had harm ocd and it took a LOT of courage to tell her, only for her to get mad. I love my mom, but sometimes she doesn’t understand. I ended up secretly calling the mental health crisis hotline while I was home alone and the lady on the other end of the lady on the other end of the line told me to tell a school counselor. I did just that and the school counselor did NOTHING. She didn’t even schedule another appointment. I just told her all of this shit that I wanted to kill my family and then we never spoke again. It was HARD

@margo1 I am so sorry. That sounds absolutely horrible.

I do tennis 2x a week, it really helps and I’m happy up until halfway through I realize I have tocd and it stops being all fun and games

@margo1 Thats very good! At least u have a lil slmething that u truly enjoy even tho it doesnt last long. Keep thst up:)