- Date posted
- 5y
- Date posted
- 5y
I'm really sorry but the sentence "There's just too much proof for me NOT to be transgender." sends the shit out of me. First of all gender is so complex and convoluted and complicated and confusing. What the hell IS proof that you're transgender? Gender dysphoria? People are still killing each other over that. Doing masculine things when you were a little girl? Means absolutely nothing, when I was a little kid all the boys at school would dry hump the shit out of each other and only I turned out gay. TOCD??? Nope. Listen to me. I have OCD just like you, before my OCD I would identify as trans. Now I'm doubting whether or not I'm trans the same way you're doubting whether you are trans. It's a really horrible dreadful feeling. But if you were trans, the desire to transition would be like a desire to steal a trillion dollar check thats like an inch away from you. You're gonna want to transition SO BAD that you would sneak in opposite gender clothing and cross-dress while no one is looking. You would subtly and unnoticeable butch up and put more and more masculine stylings on your clothing/mannerisms/ etc. You would do all these things because they would make you feel amazing, they would make you feel like you're close to being the dream version of yourself, they would make you feel like you're finally in control for once in your life, and you literally feel like this is controlling YOU, not the other way around. That is OCD and you need to get help. It's the ONLY thing you could do for yourself.
- Date posted
- 5y
Thank you so much. I’m sorry if I said anything stupid, I was panicking a lot and not thinking straight. I used to WANT people to think I was a boy. I had short hair and I was literally thrilled with people thinking I was a boy. I don’t know why I did it and why I liked it so much. There’s many more. I know this doesn’t make me trans but the proof is slowly piling up on top of me and literally crushing me down. At the age of 11 I told all of my friends that I wanted to be a boy. I used to think of being transgender as a possibility, I actually thought about it quite a lot in the past, even though I knew I wasn’t. It’s scary
- Date posted
- 5y
@margo1 You didn't say anything stupid. Don't worry. Even if you did I'm not the type that would scream at you for it. I used to be, before OCD, but I learned my lesson.
- Date posted
- 5y
@Vimli Thanks for helping though. You’ve really helped me. I’m getting better and I know it’s ocd because I’ve got ocd symptoms plus I’ve dealt with pure o before.
- Date posted
- 5y
@margo1 You need to look into therapy though, if you're not in therapy already. Please. Before it spirals into other themes like POCD and you get your life as destroyed as mine
- Date posted
- 5y
@Vimli My parents are strictly against therapy. I’ve told them about pure o before but they got angry at me and took away my phone and my computer. I don’t wanna risk telling them about tocd, they’ll laugh and say I’m being stupid
- Date posted
- 5y
@margo1 God-fucking-damnit. Like most cases, parents are a BIIIIG help *rolls eyes*. I'm really upset and sorry, because the same thing happened to me. Cried in my moms car, told her I had a disorder so bad that at times I can't eat, can't get out of bed and cry all day and she told me I'm a lazy piece of shit making up illnesses. I told her a few days ago I got officially diagnosed. She had her foot in her fucking mouth. Problem is, I'm 20 years old and I use the money from my social benefits or whatever to fund my therapy sessions. The money for my therapy isn't reliant on her allowances. So at least in that aspect, I'm lucky. What helped my mom kind of at least give me the OK for therapy is that this one time I went out with her and a friend of hers who studied psychology and while we were having a conversation where my mom ragged on me being fucking worthless, I asserted myself and started telling my moms friend all the ways in which my mom has been a terrible mother. This in turn shifted the convo to "what I think my mother should do to help me with whatever I'm struggling" and I said pay for my therapy because I literally have a debilitating illness and she doesn't believe me. I told her a lot of the things I'm going through and my mom's friend acknowledged that I needed help, even though she kind of self-promo'd and tried to tell my mom that its too much work to talk with a foreign online OCD specialist instead of seeing a local psychologist, but I was like "my money, my choice". So if you can get some of your parents friends to tell your parents like "hey your child has confided in me, shes saying she need help and yall wont let her get it, please reconsider" that could potentially do something.
- Date posted
- 5y
@Vimli My mom told me it’s because I spent too much time on the Internet. She took away my electronic devices and I cried for DAYS in my room. I had harm ocd and it took a LOT of courage to tell her, only for her to get mad. I love my mom, but sometimes she doesn’t understand. I ended up secretly calling the mental health crisis hotline while I was home alone and the lady on the other end of the lady on the other end of the line told me to tell a school counselor. I did just that and the school counselor did NOTHING. She didn’t even schedule another appointment. I just told her all of this shit that I wanted to kill my family and then we never spoke again. It was HARD
- Date posted
- 5y
@margo1 I am so sorry. That sounds absolutely horrible.
- Date posted
- 5y
Girl your brain is messed up. It clearly is. Youve done so much thinking ur just stuck. Ur best oprion is therapy but i know thats not an easy step. Like i cant reassure with ur past doesnt mean anyrhing because that helps for 1 minute and it wont solve the disconnection in ur brain. All U can do is let time heal you, keep doing what ur doing, distract urself even tho its so hard to be focussed on something bevause this ocd is with u 24/7 but try to invest all ur time in like school Or a sport even tho u cant enjoy it. Try it, it might help.
- Date posted
- 5y
I do tennis 2x a week, it really helps and I’m happy up until halfway through I realize I have tocd and it stops being all fun and games
- Date posted
- 5y
@margo1 Thats very good! At least u have a lil slmething that u truly enjoy even tho it doesnt last long. Keep thst up:)
Related posts
- Date posted
- 22w
I feel different from others, I don’t feel as feminine and I feel like I’ve changed. I’m not sure why I feel this way. I also don’t think my ocd is ocd, it’s just something I told myself to feel better. I know! What if I am what if I’m not, I get it, but I don’t feel like i have a choice in the matter anymore. I have soocd and it’s eaten me alive for years. I woke up out of my sleep and got triggered and here I am. I don’t know what I feel anymore. I always wanted a boyfriend and now It seemed to change. I don’t want a girlfriend, it’s just that I don’t see anything for myself and I feel like I’m hiding. It’s hard to explain. Plus sometimes the way I move or speak makes me feel more masculine and it kills me. Im feeling so lost and alone right now. I know what I want deep down but I feel incapable of having those things because I won’t be able to have feeling. If that makes sense.
- Date posted
- 17w
I wouldn’t really say I have SO-OCD, but it manifests in some areas of my TOCD. Like if I see a woman for example my thoughts will go “what if I like her but as a man?” like my thoughts say I’m a straight man instead of a straight woman. And it’s really bothering me. If I see an attractive woman my brain will re-wire and imagine myself as a man looking at an attraction woman and it gets super uncomfortable that I have to like shake my head and say “no no no no no” multiple times to get the thought out. I know that counts as a compulsion but it’s hard to not do it because it’s so triggering. Now I don’t mind if I like women, however I’m really scared that I’m actually a straight man who likes women (or at least a bisexual man, considering I like men) and I hate it because I don’t want to be a man. Like I’ll think of my desired relationship as a woman dating a man but my OCD will switch it up to me being the man dating the woman, which is the opposite of what I want. I don’t want to be a man at all and I don’t want to date a woman, both of those are the opposite of my desires, but I’m still so scared. I’ll accept myself if I actually like women and am a bisexual woman, however I heard that being bisexual can mean being trans which scares me (for the record it was said in reddit by a sub which is mainly focused on a pseudoscientific phenomenon, that is still believed by the members to be true, so it’s definitely not a trustworthy statement, but my OCD will use anything to work against me) Does anyone here relate a little? 🥲
- OCD newbies
- Transgender OCD
- False Memory OCD
- "Pure" OCD
- Young adults with OCD
- Real Events OCD
- Students with OCD
- Date posted
- 12w
Today I woke up and immediately was flooded with intrusive thoughts. I was thinking about how I want to remembered when my time on earth is finished. I want to be remembered by my kindness and my heart. I want to be remembered by the lives i’ve changed. But then it hit me. What if you want to be a girl? What if you’re just telling yourself you don’t want to be a girl? I shouldn’t be scared, my family would love me no matter what I was. But this.. This is taking its toll on me. People call me maam all the time. I have feminine features and qualities.. It makes me question everything I know about my life. But I think what makes it worse is that i’m scared but don’t feel scared? Like I don’t feel intense fear like I once did. I know that I don’t want to be a girl. I don’t want boobs or long hair and nails. I have feminine qualities but I just exist. And this morning it’s hitting me very hard. I hate TOCD. I hate that I can’t just have one moment of peace. That it finds ways to seep into my life by finding areas i’m weakest in. I read other people’s stories and kinda do checking with it. And to make it all worse my for you page is FILLED with trans tiktok’s and peoples experiences. It’s making me mad. Why can’t I just be happy? Like everyone else in my house? Why did I inherit this stupid fucking disorder? And why do I question everything single thing about myself. First it was fear I was going to hurt someone and be a monster. And now it’s fucking thoughts of me wanting to be a girl?? Anyways have a nice day guys.
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