My best friend hasn’t spoken to me in months. It triggered some symptoms that I now realize fall along the lines of ROCD. It’s making me behave in a way that chased my other friends away. I’m feeling very hopeless and guilty.
Do you want to talk about it?
@Jade1111 Sure. Three months ago my friend told me he needed space from me because I was being too overbearing. I didn’t handle it well. I couldn’t eat and sleep for weeks. Weeks became months and we still haven’t spoken. This weekend all of my friends hung out at his house to watch a basketball game- everyone was invited except me. I texted my other friend saying screw everyone there I hope you all have a miserable time. Someone read that message out loud and now my entire friend group is mad at me. They haven’t spoken to me in a week.
@Anonymous Well you have a reason to be mad, they just hung out without you because one person wants distance? Maybe your message wasn’t the best reaction but to be honest, I wouldve written the same message. Have you tried apologizing for the message but also asking for them to see that intentionally not inviting you isn’t nice and your reaction was based on that feeling? They shouldn’t give you the silent treatment for this.
@Jade1111 The reason he originally needed distance from me was because I kept getting upset when there were group hangouts and I wasn’t invited. They also said I didn’t need to be invited because I don’t like basketball. I want to apologize but they made it clear they do not want to speak to me.
@Anonymous Not to make it about myself but I also had this problem with wanting to be at every hangout and feeling down if i wasn’t. My friends thought i was too ‘controlling’. I fixed it with talking about it and explaining why I was upset if i was not invited. I think that if they dont want to speak to you, it is more their problem than yours. You want to fix it, which is positive. Sooner or later they’ll realise that it is their fault the situation isn’t ‘fixed’ yet. Maybe try to hangout with other people that you also like and dont feel guilty about this!
@Jade1111 That really helps. Thank you. They make me feel guilty for wanting to talk things through. I understand that I can be a sensitive guy, but they are also sensitive. The only difference is they choose to not talk about things and think distance is the way out of the situation. I’m trying my best to stop feeling so guilty.
@Anonymous Distance is never the solution. Dont let them make you feel guilty. Your emotions are not too dramatic or too much, they make you you and if they think distance and not talking will fix it, then their reactionstyle just doesn’t fit you. That’s not something bad but it’s important that you dont feel guilty because of it. It’s a stupid saying but i believe it: it’ll all be alright.
@Jade1111 Thanks so much. Do you have any tips going forward?
@Anonymous I think now you just need to wait if they’ll see that distance isn’t the right answer? If they really don’t want to fix it, do you still think they are worthy enough to be your friends? I would try and wait, enjoy myself, do fun things with others or alone. I am not the best at advice but :)
Hey everyone, First time posting here! Wanted to share my story for some support but also to hopefully make others feel less alone. In short - my ROCD has made such a mess of my personal life. I was in a great relationship until spring of last year, at which point we separated mainly due to my ROCD. I struggled heavily with OCD about 10 years ago (harm based intrusive thoughts, sexual orientation ocd, etc). It took a lot of work but I was able to mostly overcome my struggles and truthfully, hadn’t given ocd much thought since then. I thought I was cured. And then 10 years later I am in a very fulfilling relationship with a girl I really love, but at about the year mark in my relationship things really changed. She wanted to have a conversation about next steps (moving in, marriage, kids, etc) and at that point my brain just went into panic mode and the ocd took over. From that point on, I was constantly scanning for red flags, felt very reserved when it came to any sort of statement or commitment and tended to avoid anything that would indicate I was committed to a long term future. It was not that I didn’t love it was just that my ocd was doing anything to keep me from making a big commitment. It eventually got a point where we had a big conversation about breaking up or staying together and my OCD convinced me that it was safer and that I would do less harm to her if we ended things, which was incredibly devastating to me. At the time I felt like my obsessing over small red flags were normal and that I needed to protect myself. I just had no clue it was ROCD. I spent the next 8 months missing her and kicking myself for my mistakes, and I eventually got the courage to reach out and see if she’d be willing to talk again, which she was. But the problem is, at this point I still didn’t know it was ocd. So when we talked again I was still plagued by ROCD as all the same thoughts and feelings came flooding back. We tried to talk through things but once again I was unable to make any sort of commitment to the future so it went nowhere. Once again, I am feeling very sad and angry at myself for not being able to handle ROCD. I feel like I let it control me twice and has robbed me of a lot of happiness and hurt someone I care very much about. I understand it’s probably not best to just look at ourselves with anger and guilt all the time but it’s hard not to when you feel like you just caused so much harm. Anyone feel like they can relate? Or if anyone is going through something similar I am happy to chat as ROCD can really be tricky. Thanks
Long story short he’s one of many subjects of my ROCD intrusive thoughts (i’m in a committed relationship) but we were once decent friends in college. We’re mutuals online bc we’re both artists. I recently ran into him while visiting campus, tried to reach out to catch up and got ghosted after expressing that I can sense he doesn’t care for the friendship (he kept flaking and I’m worth more than that lol). Told my bf, he seems indifferent . But he also doesn’t know how bad my ROCD can get. Should I just cut the dude off? I feel that’d provide a quick temporary relief from the ROCD problems, but I also am sad for the friendship. He helped and supported my bf and I’s relationship when no one else did. Plus he’s not the source of the ROCD, my brain is. Cutting out every trigger won’t fix it.
I just got out of a 4 year relationship that ended around the beginning of February. In the beginning of the 4 year relationship I had intrusive thoughts about the way I was behaving around my partner, this went on for a few months not knowing what it was or that it was ROCD. I remember it was bad and did not want to deal with what I was feeling. I defeated it and was ok for the first 3 years after that. But it just made me feel like I wasn’t being my true, authentic , funny self I wanted to be for my partner. It was horrible. Now I’m in a new relationship that has been awesome as far as the beginning goes but now I’m back to that intrusive thought and ROCD. Irs to the point where I feel like I can’t be myself and I’m not happy or excited about anything anymore I’m constantly stressed out thinking about it.
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