spiraling over anxiety

contamination ocd has really been messing with me the last couple of days. usually i only struggle when i can connect something to possibly throwing up, but this time it doesn’t matter. so earlier, i took a shower and i also use a wash cloth to wash my body. after i showered i cleaned up my dirty clothes and towels. then when i came back to grab my phone, there was a soap speck on my phone so without thinking i just wiped it on the back of my crewneck i was wearing. well that then spiraled into me thinking what if the soap was from my dirty wash cloth. i know most of you are probably thinking it’s clean since you use soap to clean ur body. well i clean every inch of my body, including my bottom so that’s where my anxiety is gravitating towards. this sounds so ridiculous saying it out loud, but i just have so much anxiety over it. i tried my hardest not to change but i did. at first i just changed my crewneck, but then i had to change my shorts cause my crewneck touches my shorts. but then i changed my shorts. and now i feel like my shirt is contaminated cause i was wearing it with my other shorts before changing. moral of the story, i just have so much anxiety over it and i feel like i shouldn’t because it’s really not a big deal. and i don’t want to change again because that seems ridiculous to me. plus now i’m connecting the contamination to my bed since i was laying on my bed before i changed. i hate life, this sucks.

Contamination OCD

chaitea

Date posted: 8w

Don’t change! You’ve got this. We’re rooting for you. P.S. I am sorry you’re spiraling, but it is refreshing to hear someone else who thinks their own spiral is ridiculous. I always have this meta-level commentary going on at the same time that is just exhausted of my own cyclical thoughts and thinks they’re ridiculous. I don’t believe they’re true, even if my body feels they are. And it’s impossible to bring the body back down to a state of equilibrium, regardless of the self-reflexivity. It sucks.

flowerpetals

Date posted: 8w

@chaitea thank you for the support!! 🫶🏻 and yes, that last part is so true. it’s so hard to find peace once i’ve started spiraling. and i feel like i can’t talk to anyone outside of this app sometimes because they’ll think i’m weird since they most likely don’t understand it. it’s just hard altogether

meowmeow1!!!

Date posted: 8w

I completely understand. I told my partner I was so anxious to buy wipes because of the name of the wipes…. Since it said baby wipes instead of adult. But it was only a dollar compared to the other ones which were about 3-4$. I spent ten minutes convincing myself I could buy the 1$ wipes and it didn’t matter, because it didn’t. It sounded ridiculous and now I can say it was but in the moment I can get the overwhelming feelings. I used to be the same way about touching raw meat and had to wash my hands every few minutes when I cooked for others. Maybe for now get disinfecting wipes! They helped me a TON when my contamination fears were bad. Instead of the need to change or worry wipe it with a wipe that kills everything and maybe get a spray too! And always keep a hand sanitizer near by. It’s not a permanent fix but it can help you feel clean if you touch things that you feel are contaminated

meowmeow1!!!

Date posted: 8w

@meowmeow1!!! It’s also super hard but slowly see if you can go maybe 5-10 minutes without changing something or without doing the compulsion. The hardest thing to do in the world, but breaking the compulsion and sitting in the stress will help to break the cycle. I only check the doors once a night now and I haven’t been that ok with it in years since doing that. And you are absolutely so strong and you’ve got this!

flowerpetals

Date posted: 8w

@meowmeow1!!! i do have wipes on standby at all times. i just sometimes impulsively do things without thinking how it could spiral my ocd and this time happened to be one of those. otherwise, i’m always disinfecting areas that i’m in. it takes up a lot of my time some days when it’s really bad. and i sat with the anxiety for a lot of today, but i just couldn’t calm down the spiral. however, i know you have to be uncomfortable before you can start to feel better. it just seems worse when you know if you do a compulsion, that will calm it down. but i know i need to do what’s harder in order to get better. thank you so much for your input and support!! 🫶🏻

meowmeow1!!!

Date posted: 8w

@flowerpetals Of course! It really is hard in the moment to just sit in the anxiety and wait for it to pass. I’ve only broken 2-3 compulsions almost completely and it took months for just one, and it’s exhausting. It will be so nice though when it’s gone! Sometimes writing what I was thinking helps to process the issue since I can now see it instead of repeating the thoughts and getting lost in my own head and then take steps to solve it or eliminate the issue by thinking about just what I wrote and then try to move on

flutterfawn

Date posted: 25w

contamination ocd

all morning i have been feeling like there is dirt and grime on my skin. i showered last night. i washed my hair on tuesday night and i will wash it tonight. but i feel like there is dirt in my scalp and in my hair and i feel like i haven’t showered in weeks. i don’t want to feel like this anymore. every day i am anxious about how clean i am and its taking over my life. any tips?

oneday.x

Date posted: 23w

Worried about bathroom contamination

Sorry if this is tmi. In advance, I know some germs are fine - I'm all for that, and it definitely does ease some contamination anxiety. But I have lots of anxiety surrounding going to the bathroom, specifically number two. Again I'm so sorry if this is tmi. I went yesterday, and obviously my hands were contaminated because well, they are when you go to the bathroom. But also because I accidentally brushed the back of my hand against myself. When you're done in the bathroom you obviously put underwear back on, and trousers or whatever, but I wash my hands before touching my trousers but not underwear. So I do that bit before I wash my hands, but my hand, the very contaminated part, touched like a bit of my skin at my waist. At the time, I brushed it off, thinking that my trousers will cover that anyway for the time being. But then today, I wore leggings that are kind of small on me and they weren't as high waisted. And then I got in my bed, and had a t-shirt on, and probably touched so many things. I changed my t-shirt, meaning it touched my hair as I took it off. So now I'm paranoid I have poop particles all over me. I'm convinced I need to have a full shower again and wash my hair. I'm okay with having a shower, but I barely have enough energy for that let alone washing my hair too. I don't shower every day, so with my schedule, I'm not due to have one until tonight. I just want to be able to get up, get dressed, and go about my day. But how do I do that when my bed feels contaminated and I feel like I need to change the bedsheets. How do I cope when it feels like poop particles are in my HAIR. And that could totally be possible. I know some germs are fine. But I just don't know what to do.

bun <3

Date posted: 14w

everything around me feels contaminated :((

sorry this is super long i just wanna know if anyone else has been thru something similar bc i feel super alone 🩷 i have super bad contamination ocd. it was bad already but my house was like my safe space until a few months ago someone brought something into my house that i considered ‘contaminated’. and so then i felt like that part of the house was contaminated, then it spread to everything outside my room (since family is moving around touching stuff) and then somehow i got convinced everything in my room except my bed is contaminated and i need to wash my hands after touching it. in my mind its like the contamination just infinitely spreads to things after the tiniest bit of touch. idek what im afraid of anymore or even what the original thing was but i can’t let it go. when i have to wash off contamination i have to wash at least 4 times or until it feels right, or sometimes take rlly long showers and wipe down all my stuff. i even throw away food and clothes or just whole items sometimes because they feel so contaminated i don’t want them in my space. i can’t be super near people or have anyone touch me, and i also can’t bring anything new into my room since it had to go through the entry of my house which feels contaminated. i feel like all i do is lay in bed and then wash my hands and do compulsions so i can go eat or do other stuff around the house. also i never go out because i’m bc people outside make me feel dirty, and i hate thinking about how many people have touched stuff in stores or in public and stuff. so im just in my room worrying all day. i feel so trapped and the contamination/avoiding it is all i think about anymore i barely have time for anything else and im never present when i talk to people because im worrying about if i accidentally got contaminated. im starting erp next week and knowing that im going to have to expose myself to things is really freaking me out. does anyone else have this kind of ocd ? im exhaustedddd 🥲🥲💔

Contamination OCD

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spiraling over anxiety

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