I am afraid to be around children because of the horrendous things I think of while being near them. I do not want to hurt children. My intrusive thoughts about pedophilia and abuse attack me. I only have 1 memory of me being sexually abused when I was around 5. A cousin, who was about 12 did it to me and my other female cousin. I do not have another memory of it happening, so I do not know if it did. Sometimes I feel ashamed to even mention it because I know others have been abused far often than I. Like it doesn’t count. I don’t know... anyway, after I realized this memory was not just another sick intrusive thought, that it actually happened, I have been weary of being near children. I believe because I have been through sexual abuse as a child that I too am capable of committing that crime.

I was also sexually abused by a cousin only a few years older than me. I also never feel like it "counts" because other people have been through horrific things done by other adults. But it does. I remember the onset of my OCD being after that, and it truly affected me. I would not be surprised if the abuse you went through affected you so much that it contributed to you developing this theme. Remember people with POCD are severly and utterly against hurting a child, they avoid children at all costs. They would never, ever, ever do such a thing. You have an anxiety disorder, that's all. You're not capable of anything like that.

Thank you. You are kind. I need to find a therapist to help me through this. I do not want it to keep me from possibly beginning my own family one day.

I have ptsd from childhood sex abuse from children just a few years older than me. I struggle with hocd from it. I was abused by both boys and girls. And saw porn at too young an age. I struggled with pocd for a little bit too. Ptsd and ocd are very similar and can co-exist.

They may be memories. Or variations of memories. Thats how ptsd intrusive thoughts work. Fear of things happening because of past events. Are these fantasies unfomfortable?

You can add me to this list. I’ve been on here before talking about developing repetitive safety behaviours as a child and then being plagued with a wide array of obsessions including sexual abuse, violence, responsibility, relationship and even paedophilia. I have had six months of therapy which has included EMDR- and frankly I recommend far more than something so blunt as exposure. I go against the grain: I think under ocd is often ptsd. These obsessions keep the brains panic under control and if that is threatened then the ptsd threatens to come out the box. The obsessions are manifestations of this. The link between trauma and nasty obsessions makes perfect sense. Explore your traumas, look at what is behind them. Maybe do exposure to drain the compulsive behaviour of life but the origin? Forget it. You need exploratory therapy, and EMDR has repeatable clinic randomised trials supporting is efficacy. Do it, a part of your brain is trying to master the abuse to counter the way you were ‘mastered’. This is natural instinct - brain sees a threat and wants you in control, but you were NOT in control when you were someone else’s sexual plaything. None of us were. THATS where your mind needs new learning.

Emdr is the way to go with trauma!