I’m obsessing. Wad I a bad friend ?

Basically, My best friends both remained close with my ex. Someone who completely broke me when we broke up. My friends know that. They remained friends with him, pretty close too. It’s always bothered me, even 3 years down the line because it’s something I would NEVER do to them. Ever. My best friend cancelled some plans we had, which was very unlike her. I asked why, she said she’s going on a walk with a friend. I was like fun! What friend? And she didn’t want to say, from that, I knew it was my ex. She then confirmed it to be my ex. It was clear I was annoyed. I’d had a shit day and that topped it off. She then cancelled the plan with him. I felt awful. I said no, just because I’m annoyed please don’t cancel. I said I’m not mad at you, I’m disappointed about the situation and the way things are. She was very understanding and said that she does not blame me for feeling upset about it. I asked her to please not cancel the plans because of me. She said she wanted to move it to another date anyways. Am I a bad friend for feeling annoyed/uncomfortable at the fact both of my best friends are close friends with my ex? It’s been 3 years and it still makes me SO uncomfortable.

Relationship OCD

EvnInArcadia

Date posted: 8w

No. You are allowed to feel your feelings. Though, your friends are allowed to be friends with whomever they choose. I don't know the exact situation you had with your ex and how bad it was. Do they really know how bad it bothers you? Are you obsessing about how it makes you feel or you feel that they are "choosing" him over you? What are the compulsions?

Dothewalkofl...

Date posted: 8w

@EvnInArcadia They do know how badly it affects me. It’s odd, this theme is closely linked with my BPD. I act impulsively. I get annoyed. And then later I regret it and think I’m a terrible person and it will mean that they will leave me and I’ll be alone. I think my compulsion is asking my friends CONSTANTLY for reassurance that they aren’t mad at me. So then i believe they don’t have a reason to leave. If that makes sense. Things involving my ex is one of the VERY few times that I get upset towards my friends. The breakup was very bad. Very messy. And it affected me deeply, being my first love and first everything. I never fully got over it.

Dothewalkofl...

Date posted: 8w

@EvnInArcadia Just to add, you’re completely right. I’ve told them, as much as it upsets me, they have the right to be friends with whoever they want and to not let me get in the way of that I also said that I would NEVER tell you what you can and can’t do. And I have never done that.

EvnInArcadia

Date posted: 8w

@Dothewalkoflife. - I have been in your shoes plenty of times. I've destroyed relationships because of my BPD. I recently realized how bad my OCD was when I had impulses, I just didn't know it at the time. I was diagnosed a month ago. It's possible that the impulses can be compulsions. Which then starts the OCD cycle of emotions. Maybe next time when you get that strong impulse and emotion, do not do anything and give yourself some time. My bpd responses have gotten SO much better by doing that.

Dothewalkofl...

Date posted: 8w

@EvnInArcadia I really appreciate this advice thank you!

EvnInArcadia

Date posted: 8w

@Dothewalkoflife. - You are welcome! I learned the hard way that people respond better with patience and understanding (no matter how I feel) than me trying to force resolutions (to make me feel better). I'm sure your friends also feel that they are stuck in a hard place not wanting to upset you and wanting to be friends with this person. Relationships come and go and when they go, they are not easy to deal with. In the end, an ex is just a person and it's better to let everything go than to waste mental time on them. It eats you on the inside and affects your mental health.

Dothewalkofl...

Date posted: 8w

@EvnInArcadia You’re 100% right. Thank you!

bruceWayne1

Date posted: 25w

Help pls.. ocd???

I can’t stop overthinking about my friend and her soon-to-be boyfriend , I feel like I’m jealous but not of HER, I’m jealous of HIM, like, I’ve known her for so much longer , me and her have always been closer, and this guy comes in and is gonna take up a bunch of her time. Idk, ik I shouldn’t feel this way. She reassured me she would never leave me and I guess I’m also scared of that. I had a breakup with our friend oldest bsf a couple months ago , I guess that might’ve done more damage than I thought. I feel like I’m losing myself , and then I thought I found myself again once me, my bsf , and the guy became friends , but as soon as I found oit she liked him and he liked her its like everything crashed:/// I hate feeling this way but idk what to do

Mariabae

Date posted: 25w

help.

I have a huge problem, and I don’t know how to stop overthinking it. For context, my boyfriend is not the type to jump to conclusions like “Oh, that girl looked at me, she must like me.” He’s always realistic and doesn’t assume things without reason. Lately, I’ve lost most of my friends, and now the only person I have besides my boyfriend is my best friend of five years. We’ve been through everything together—friendship breakups, different social circles—and in the end, it’s always been the two of us. Right now, it’s just me, her, and my boyfriend in our little friend group, and we all get along well. We even have plans to go to a festival together this summer. But this past Friday, my boyfriend told me something that completely threw me off. He said that he doesn’t want to make assumptions, but it seems like my best friend might be looking at him in a certain way. He wasn’t saying it’s 100% true, just that he noticed something. The problem is, I already had this intrusive thought before—“What if she likes him?”—and now that he mentioned it, it’s making me spiral even more. I feel like I’m acting weird around her now, and I hate it. I feel like I’m betraying her in my own mind by even considering this idea, because I know she loves me and would never do something like that. It’s completely absurd, yet I can’t stop thinking about it. To make things even more complicated, my 18th birthday is coming up in two months. My plan was to go on a small trip with both my boyfriend and my best friend, but when I mentioned it to my dad, he shut it down immediately and said, “You don’t have to take her everywhere.” And now, I feel stuck. I don’t know how to tell her that I might just want to go with my boyfriend without making her feel left out or hurting her feelings. But at the same time, this is a huge milestone in my life, and of course, I want my best friend there. I hate that these intrusive thoughts are making me question everything—“What if she likes him? What if she ends up liking him?” My mom recently told me a story about a woman whose best friend stole her husband, and now my brain won’t let it go. I’m dreading the idea of us all being in the same hotel room this summer for the festival. It’s like my mind is preparing for something bad to happen, even though nothing has actually happened. I don’t want to think this way. I don’t want to feel uncomfortable around her. How do I stop these thoughts from ruining everything?

JazzyRoses

Date posted: 19w

Being Cheated On OCD

Hi everyone! I have been having a rough time. So my boyfriend talks to his ex still as friends and I’ve been struggling with it lately and I can’t tell if it’s OCD or not but it does feel so distressing. She wasn’t texting him for about 2-3 months as she got into a relationship with this guy and they broke up. She had messaged him saying that she has no one else to talk to and needed to vent to someone. At first I felt okay, but my intrusive thoughts took over and it seemed like she was trying to get with him after the fact. It’s probably just my intrusive thoughts talking but he looks on Discord (the app where the message) constantly now and my intrusive thoughts convince me that he’s still in love with her. Then yesterday I saw one of his BeReals (a little photo app that shows a photo of the day) and I saw that he was watching one of her streams as she is a streamer. I struggled to talk about it because it made my worst thought feel like it came true where he is still in love with her. When we talked he gets a lil mad that I don’t tell him right away like straight up what I’m feeling but it’s hard to process because my thoughts flood in of all the worst things and I don’t want to come off as toxic at all and I know relationships are built on trust and I want to trust because this is literally the only thing that makes me nervous about him. It also doesn’t help that I’ve been cheated on before so I’m trying to protect myself but I’m lost. I get so depressed and so anxious because I feel like I have to grieve the relationship and it’s just so dramatic. I’ve never loved anyone like this before and I don’t wanna lose him by bringing this stuff up constantly when something occurs with his ex. I don’t know why I get triggered so easily and I just wanna heal from it and be the good girlfriend I’m supposed to be 😭

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I’m obsessing. Wad I a bad friend ?

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