Deleted post.

Hello friend! Yep, that is how it works. If you want to know why it works that way it is because OCD craves certainty that it can't have. It wants you to review things to make sure you are reacting the correct way. It will even give you bad thoughts and such to try and induce what it sees as the "correct" response. The issue is there is no perfectly "correct" way to react. Yes, if you have a bad thought, you might feel disgust. But what if you didn't? Well then, your brain tells you, you are in trouble. However, and this is key, you can't control your thoughts/feelings. You cant make yourself feel disgust at will. You might feel it, you might not. Neither response can truly be controlled, no matter how much you might want to. OCD sees that as a huge problem. It sees that lack of emotion as a confirmation of the worst. However, it doesn't know what it's talking about. All that really matters is what you choose. If you have a bad thought, let that thought happen and choose to move on. Don't feel a certain way? Great. You can't control that. Choose to move on despite the anxiety you might feel at your lack of response. That's how you truly "agree" with the thought. You aren't confirming it's truth. You are confirming that you can't have certainty about what your OCD tells you must have certainty about. "Are you sure that doesn't make you a horrible person?" Don't say no. That's engaging with it. It doesn't deserve even that. It's a petrified worrier. Don't take it's suggestions seriously. "Maybe. Maybe not. I'm not sure at the moment. I'm going to go back to reading this book now." And then you do that. I'm sorry you are going through this. Remember you are stronger than you think and that you are not your thoughts!

Im also dealing with this, feel very numb to it all like I should think its worse than what I actually do, if that makes sense!