Tried erp the last two days and honestly it’s not working for me I don’t think I can do it... I tried to turn ocd exposures into a game and it’s not going well I started with 100 “anxiety points”. For every compulsion I do, i add points to the problem that is the anxiety For every compulsion I resist, I make ocd better by removing points. Sound idea I think.. except I’m shit at this! I ended on 145 fucking points today ☹️ did 10 resistance and 35 compulsions. I’m BROKEN . I am convinced more than ever that I have given myself an std from my eye to my vagina. I had conjunctivitis ages ago and now a lump in my eye. I refused to wash my hands earlier after touching my eye and now I’m scared to death I have infected myself with the toilet paper I touched and went for a wee at 10 am. 5 hours later I’m panicking beyond words that I have infected myself, my partner is gonna think I cheated and fucking leave me I will end my shit if i have ruined it all when I could have just washed My FU KING HANDS

For many years I’ve had contamination OCD. I wear many layers of plastic gloves when awake. Take off a layer when needing to do things. Early last year it started getting worse when I began ERP. Much worse. Showering took 1 hour before, now 3-4h or longer. I always have to shower before bed because the bed is a clean safe place. But showering didnt feel clean enough anymore and took so long. I would get stuck repeating things over and over. The humidity was ruining my walls and ceiling. I’d stay awake up to 40 hours avoiding showering and sleeping. So one day I started wearing clothes covering all skin, plastic gloves, sleeves taped, hoodie on. That way I could easily just sleep still on my back on the couch. No more awake 40 hours or stuck in the shower up to 4h + bedtime rituals. But then slowly I found myself unable to do… anything. Stopped going outside, stopped talking to people, can’t even get up some days so I just lay on the couch. Fall last year was very stressful I think it broke something in my head. I don’t change clothes and I make sure the gloves last many days. My hands are suffering. The skin blisters and comes off. I think my nails are now separating from the nail beds, for real. I’ve also spent so many years holding pee when outside the home that now the pelvic muscles are weak and I’m becoming urge incontinent. Can’t do physical exams at the doctors. Can’t seek help. Can’t get out of the couch. OCD is ruining my physical health. ERP did not work. Has this happened to anyone else? What did you do if so?

I am hurting so much right now. I feel sad and disgusted with myself that I would even worry about these things (pocd). What kind of a human even thinks that and has doubts about that?? Definitely not one that’s rational or mentally sane. That kind of stuff should be a no brainer so why do I worry about it so much and what does it say about me? I feel sick and disgusted and can’t stop crying over it. I just feel so defeated like I want to disappear. I started ERP and every time I resist reassuring myself it comes back at me from every angle. I hate this so much.

Ero doesn't work. I don't understand why people always say use erp use erp. It doesn't work, ever. Sitting with anxiety doesn't work, nothing works. There is no dealing with ocd the only way to deal with it is rumination and getting reassurance. Erp doesn't work because it needs to work immediately. I dint have time to sit with anxiety and living with the thought I need the thoughts gone now. I'm a horrible person, I deserve nothing, I don't deserve friends, I'm awful horrible, I'm terrible. My ocd is right and I need to accept it. It never gets better. I will never recover