Tried erp the last two days and honestly it’s not working for me I don’t think I can do it... I tried to turn ocd exposures into a game and it’s not going well I started with 100 “anxiety points”. For every compulsion I do, i add points to the problem that is the anxiety For every compulsion I resist, I make ocd better by removing points. Sound idea I think.. except I’m shit at this! I ended on 145 fucking points today ☹️ did 10 resistance and 35 compulsions. I’m BROKEN . I am convinced more than ever that I have given myself an std from my eye to my vagina. I had conjunctivitis ages ago and now a lump in my eye. I refused to wash my hands earlier after touching my eye and now I’m scared to death I have infected myself with the toilet paper I touched and went for a wee at 10 am. 5 hours later I’m panicking beyond words that I have infected myself, my partner is gonna think I cheated and fucking leave me I will end my shit if i have ruined it all when I could have just washed My FU KING HANDS

Can you tell me if that worry at the bottom of my post sounds like ocd? I can’t even tell at this point ?

@uwotm8 Definitely that is an ocd thought. You did NOT infect yourself. I know your anxiety is telling you otherwise but considering I don't personally have this theme of OCD I can 100% for sure tell you,that your brain is being irrational.

@ihatemylife It’s because I read that STDs can cause conjunctivitis. Then I had fucking conjunctivitis NOW I still have the lump in my eye that I had with the conjunctivitis so now I’m seeing it as an std I will definitely ruin my life with if I’m not careful. And I wasn’t careful earlier ☹️

I guess I have to admit I am asking for reassurance here - is it safe for me to disregard it as ocd and not real then yes? I can’t decipher what’s irrational any more I feel zoned out

I feel like I have put myself in danger of losing my partner now by potentially infecting myself- I can’tttttttt let go of the “what if my conjunctivitis was caused by an std? What if I didn’t have it in my vagina because I was lucky, but I had it in my eye, my symptoms only just appeared and I have now infected my own sexual organs and he will think I cheated and leave me?”

@uwotm8 then don’t try to let go of it. work on sitting with it. a big part in ocd recovery is learning to simply sit with obsessive thoughts. not saying it’s easy though, it can feel impossible

@uwotm8 and it’s okay if you slip up and do a compulsion with it. you won’t get it 100% of the time, that’s what recovery is about

@JazSargent Thankyou I’m struggling with more symptoms now- tmi but feminine itching is really driving that std fear

@uwotm8 i also tend to blow small symptoms like that out of porportion. something that’s helpful to me is one symptom of something does not mean you have it. it’s extremely likely that you don’t have it at all as someone having one symptom is not enough for someone to be diagnosed with something

@JazSargent Well I’ve never actually been diagnosed with an STD yet I’m still paranoid? I’ve had 16 negative tests in my life and 6 of those have been since I’ve been with my partner...who’s also never had one lol ? My “what ifs” are “what if I had one in my eye all this time and didn’t know! What if I was lucky and didn’t catch them in the normal areas, but super unlucky and I have one in my eye!! I’ll infect myself and my partner and he will leave me” And I still fucking buy it

@uwotm8 yeah ocd tends to be really illogical like that and persist despite recurring evidence it’s not true

@uwotm8 it sucks

@JazSargent It's so annoying because can't my rational side of the brain takeover and be like "stop being stupid and get on with your life"