What now?

My soocd sufferers and recoverers, I have a question! This is my second spiral and while I hade some manageable background noise before, the spiral literally “clicked” into place a few months again and it’s been awful every single day. I’m on meds and doing some light ERP/ACT because my anxiety was so bad I lost so much weight, but I wake up feeling ok and there’s no “click” back to normal. Is there supposed to be like a moment where it’s all over or is it gradual bc if anything I “feel gay” and more accepting of that. Anyone else?

Sexual Orientation OCD

Ms.shelovesf...

Date posted: 6w

This usually happens when you are getting better. Rn Im panicking because I’m not feeling the symptoms like that again😭

anonymous00981

Date posted: 6w

@Ms.shelovesfrogs It feels like I’m ok and would even enjoy being gay but I’m like “this literally caused a mental breakdown…”

Ms.shelovesf...

Date posted: 6w

@anonymous00981 I really hate ocd for being like this but I guess it’s because we are so used to struggling that we mistake peace for agreement with ocd

anonymous00981

Date posted: 6w

@Ms.shelovesfrogs My OCD rationale is also telling me that I’ll never know unless I explore like other people have but I thought sexuality was natural and I never questioned otherwise until both my spirals where I’ve been left with a fear of attraction to women. My meds also don’t help because the thoughts feel more natural.

Ms.shelovesf...

Date posted: 6w

@anonymous00981 I’ll tell you the truth rn, ocd meds don’t stop the “what if” like thoughts. They stop the thoughts from being intrusive, what I mean is the meds stop the thoughts from interrupting your thinking. It doesn’t stop the doubt, struggle or questioning. It just aids us in being less disabled by the thoughts + over time with ocd, you develop habits that your brain gets accustomed to. So even when the intruding thoughts are no longer there, you’re still used to questioning yourself and the brain is used to creating thoughts in response to fear. Exploring would not stop your soocd fr because it’s not about you but about the fear and doubt!! If any, it would worsen it because that is a compulsion. I’m on this app and like 90% of people i follow have ocd. Some are straight, gay, bisexual, asexual.. you name it but what I noticed is that we all have opposing thoughts to our identity. What ocd is telling you is a part or phase under soocd. Let me tell you what ocd told me that is so illogical and you would go “wtf makes no sense” So I’ve always liked and wanted boys since I was six, went to an all girls hostel and being attracted to girls didn’t even fleet my mind, I have never been turned on by them, whenever I imagine being sexual or kissing them i get repulsion, even in my subconscious day dreaming I think about marrying a man that I love and it’s mutual, I love a man currently but ocd said even though I am not sexually attracted to and have never liked them I could somehow fall in love with one and I kept on getting intrusive thoughts. I searched the description of that and it was like asexual lesbian and Im like but I ain’t even asexual 😂😂😂gradually ocd moved to attractive faces, it has been presence of them to “come out” to body admiration = want them. If you notice soocd keeps changing ways it attacks!!! That just proves it’s ocd honestly. At this point i just be so unbothered it rarely strikes

Anonymous

Date posted: 13w

Any Advice?

Hey everyone, just wanted to post an honest update on where I’m at in my HOCD recovery. Right now, I'm stuck in what feels like a 24/7 spike — nonstop thoughts, intrusive sensations, identity doubts, and hyperfocus. The worst part? It feels real. Like I’ve “lost,” like I’ve accepted it, like I am gay. The thoughts don't feel like anxiety anymore — they feel like truth. I’ve been trying to do ERP, but the spike has been so constant I don’t even have to “do exposures” — the thoughts, feelings, and sensations are just there all day long. It’s like living inside an exposure. And it’s exhausting. BUT — here’s what I’ve been doing (and what I’m sticking to now): I say once: “These thoughts and feelings are welcome to stay for as long as they want.” I let the doubt, the feelings, the hyperfocus exist. I don’t check, test, or analyze — even when it screams at me. I live my life anyway — folding clothes, watching TV, eating, walking — with the storm in my head. Even when it feels 100% real. Even when I’m fully focused on it. I’ve stopped trying to feel better. I’m letting it all burn — and just not fixing it. It doesn’t feel good. It doesn’t feel right. It doesn’t feel like progress.

jam1993

Date posted: 11w

Hoping for relief

I can remember the day I started having intrusive thoughts. I was so confused and scared. It’s been almost 3 months- does it get easier to manage? Currently taking medication and going to therapy, but this is all still very new, and very scary. Please tell me there’s relief in recovery..? I tend to isolate myself from my family, often. I’m tired, so so tired. :( Most days, I just stay on the couch or in bed. I don’t quite get as anxious, but like a “heart stopping” gut feeling when a thought pops up. I miss the me I was before the diagnosis. HOCD is scary and harder when it attacks the loved ones, spouse, in your home. :( My heart hurts.

bcraig

Date posted: 8w

Sitting in the spiral

Hi all, First time posting and it comes in the midst of a big spiral and panic. Currently dealing with what we think is borderline existential OCD where I feel like I’ve come to believe that I’m not real, that this is all a dream, that I’m actually a psychotic person walking down the street imagining all of this. Got very triggered yesterday by seeing someone screaming and yelling at what seemed to be nothing. Had a panic attack this morning and just haven’t been a wreck since worrying that I’m going to end up in psych ward, realize I’m actually crazy, etc. Been in NOCD therapy for almost 4 months now and still struggling to sit with the uncertainty, avoid researching, seeking reassurance, and most of all ruminating. Anyone go through something similar and if so what were key tactics you used during these spirals to calm things down and recenter yourself?

Existential OCD

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