Reoccurring obsession

I thought I’d gotten better about reading articles and posts about most men being attracted to children. It upsets me and that’s fine but what i can’t do is relentlessly research it. I know there’s no cure and that it’s normal even if it’s not moral. But for that reason my mind latches on to it and i want to know WHY WHY WHY, or what if this person is, or what if my favorite YouTuber is. Statistically the answer is probably yes, most of them i assume are probably attracted to kids. And that’s where my ocd stems bc them k go in the loop about why and who. There’s no one answer and no correct number out there. It’s a hard fact to accept and i thought i was over this but now im upset over it again and my stomach is sick. I’m not sure how to overcome this.

POCD

J-NOCD

Date posted: 4w

God, I relate to this more than I can even explain. That obsessive need to know, to understand, to pin it all down — it’s brutal. You know logically there’s no clear answer, but your brain refuses to let it go. You’re just stuck in this endless loop of “what if” and “how many” and “why,” like if you could just get the right fact, it would finally quiet down. But it never does, right? That’s the trap. That’s the OCD. It feels like you’re researching for clarity, but what you’re really doing is feeding the beast. The more you dig, the more questions show up, and the worse you feel. And the worst part? You’re not even researching stuff you want to read — it’s stuff that makes your skin crawl, but your brain convinces you it’s necessary. The truth is, there isn’t a satisfying answer. Not to “how many” or “who” or “why.” There’s no number, no data point, no Reddit thread that will give you peace. You’ll only get that peace when you let go of needing to figure it out. And yeah, that’s hard. Really hard. Especially when you feel like you’re being irresponsible by not knowing — like if you don’t stay informed, you’re somehow complicit. But you’re not. You’re just exhausted and stuck in a mental loop you didn’t ask for. You’re not a bad person for having these thoughts. You’re not sick for being disturbed by this topic. You’re human. You’re sensitive. You care. That’s why this is tearing you up — and that says a lot about you, in the best way. You will get through this. Not by knowing more, but by learning to sit with not knowing. And that sucks, but it’s also freedom.

1Jwg3tb3tter

Date posted: 4w

@J-NOCD Wow genuinely this means so much to me. It’s like im always stuck in this trap and i don’t want to get out but i KNOW i do. I feel like i can’t and even shouldn’t sometimes. But i KNOW its not healthy. The part about not knowing is complicity hits so hard because i convince myself i really am a bad person if i dont keep reading and ruminating. I’ve never heard someone put it so clearly though in a way i totally get. It is hard, it’s been hard and i know it’ll take time and work, but i believe i can do it. It’s just such a long and daunting journey. You’ve given me a great perspective that’s given me a lot of hope. Ive worked through things before and i can do it again and i shouldn’t give up. Thank you so much and i sincerely wish you the best of luck on your own journey :)

J-NOCD

Date posted: 4w

@1Jwg3tb3tter Your words truly mean a lot. You can get through this and the fact that you’re aware is already powerful. Keep going, one step at a time. I’m rooting for you always 🙂

Anonymous

Date posted: 4w

I like your Shiver pfp. And idk if this is helpful but I, too, have a bad habit of googling "[band/YouTuber/ect] controversy" so I can commiserate with you on that

1Jwg3tb3tter

Date posted: 4w

@Anonymous Thank u i love shiver! And the googling is so real 😭 it’s the first thing i do after finding something new and sometimes ill look at old videos to judge whether or not i think they fit the label but that’s not reasonable or healthy for me

veinsoul

Date posted: 24w

eughhh

looked up some controversy involving a youtuber that received allegations & one of those involved minors. you already know. what did I do? submit to a compulsion and tried to compare the doings of that youtuber to mine. checking to see if I had done the same thing. then overthinking about a lot of things. read one sentence of a comment and immediately felt a flare up. had to close the website I was using (reddit) to calm down before my mind gave me horrible thoughts. I am tired of this. like I know what I like: adults. specifically older men. YET WHY DO I HAVE TO KEEP REPEATING SO MANY THINGS TO MYSELF??? WHY DO I ARGUE SO MUCH WHEN DEEP DOWN I KNOW WHO I AM???? why me?

SunnyAnon

Date posted: 19w

ocd + interests + online discussions

i’ve been having this theme pop up recently where if I see people either criticize or be a hater and spread misinformation or seeing old controversies about my current interests/hyper-fixations i find myself having a crazy anxiety attack about if it’s “morally okay” to be interested in my interests anymore. i feel really singled out and like im doing something wrong because im watching a youtuber or listening to a specific musical group. in all of these specific situations the people involved have talked about the situations and have changed accordingly but seeing it makes me feel like i shouldn’t be allowed to like my favorite things. to be clear none of these things are dramatically evil or bad. it’s either misinformation/uneducated people influencing someone opinion and then they learn and change. it just makes me feel like im not allowed to like my favorite things anymore because of people criticizing it??? if that makes sense??? also this is a little off topic but also not really because i’m 99.99% sure im autistic because of MANY things but with this specifically i have very strong interests and i feel very deep feelings about them and any and all criticism or hateful comments towards my favorite things trigger me deeply and make my ocd act up and make me feel uncomfortable and uncertain and anxious and it causes physical discomfort to me. i really don’t know how to calm myself down about this specific theme it’s brand new and makes me feel really anxious. not trying to look for reassurance but does anyone else understand what i mean??? does anyone have any advice on how to not give into the negative comments??? any suggestions on how to ease this specific anxiety???

"Pure" OCD

💟

Date posted: 17w

kink stuff (sorry this is long)

I was looking up stuff about kinks, because my friend is trying to help me "get out there", and I took the bdsm test to see where I land on it. I got 100% vanilla, and I was a little embarassed so I decided to Google things like "is it normal to not have a lot of kinks" or "what % of the population is into kink" and when I scrolled down a bit, I clicked on one of the little suggestion things with the arrow that said "are men more prone to enjoying kink than women" and it revealed a blurb from the website that said that men are in fact more inclined to kink, but also mentioned that it also means they're more inclined to p*dophellia, which sort of set off all these questions in my head of like "Wait so if p*dophellia is just a kink, does that make it more likely that I have it? Because scientenists still don't know what causes it so what if events in my childhood led up to me having it to some extent" and I started kind of going down this internal rabbit hole of trying to figure out how likely it is that I have it or some form of it bc if it's just a kink and not a mental illness than it feels more feasible? Idk I'm a woman so ik it's not AS common in us but it's still possible. I'm doing a little better with redirecting my attention and cooling my anxiety but I had an onslaught of intrusive images before falling asleep like I used to have when I first started experiencing this fear. It's been really catapulting me back to the beginning and I find that I'm ruminating on when it started and if it really means I'm a p or not. I know it's classic ocd but it's hard when it doesn't feel that way ;-; anyway, I'm too scared to Google bc i know it'll be a form of reassurance but also I'm just scared of having anything related to that in my search history so I just thought I'd post here. Anyone else have conflicting thoughts like this?

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