Girlfriend went on tinder and its driving me crazy

My girlfriend and I have been together for 3 years. She’s currently out of town visiting family and friends. Everything was fine until she told me she went on Tinder. About a week after she left, I told her I’d been feeling anxious and having intrusive thoughts about her cheating (something i have been feeling for a while). Two days later, she admitted she’d gone on Tinder “out of curiosity” because her friends were talking about how bad the dating scene is where she’s visiting. I might have been able to accept that if she’d just browsed out of curiosity — but she actually messaged an old match. That really bothers me. If she was only curious about what Tinder is like in that area, why reach out to someone? I trie to push her to tell me the truth but she either says « no i promise you i didn’t do anything wrong » or she starts pointing out stuff i did. I’m i crazy or is this behaviour of someone lying? I’m trying to figure out how to feel about this and would really appreciate any advice or if anyone’s been in a similar situation. Does this seem like an innocent mistake or a red flag?

Relationship OCD

WarriorForCh...

Date posted: 6d

This seems like a red flag. Out of respect for you she should not have messaged anyone. God Bless

Love1another<3

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 6d

Yeah I wouldn’t feel comfortable with the person I was dating having a dating app. That’s uncomfortable if they are seeing me. Also, it’s really suspicious that she messaged someone on it… I would definitely keep an eye on that situation if I was you (non-compulsively lol). Don’t only look at the situation through rose-colored glasses because that’s a common mistake. Meaning, don’t just think with your heart, but think with your brain as well

Bucket11

Date posted: 6d

@OneDayAtATimee Yeah thanks. Ive been learning to do that with this situation and it makes me think of other times i might have been naive.

Love1another<3

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 6d

@Bucket11 No worries! We’ve all been there :) I know I definitely have so I try to give advice based on my experiences. Also I just saw your edit. Her turning the tables and pointing fingers at you seems to imply that she’s doing stuff that she is aware is inappropriate but she thinks she should get away with it because she didn’t like actions you did. Like she’s kinda blaming you for her actions. I would need solid proof that she wasn’t messaging the person with ill intent. I wouldn’t just trust her word. But based on her behavior, it would be a logical reason for me to leave with the info I’ve seen already. All the stuff she did wasn’t okay. Whether she was planning to cheat or not, it was still disrespectful and you can leave over disrespect if you wanted to as well

WarriorForCh...

Date posted: 6d

@Bucket11 The fact she got a dating app while with someone has got to be the biggest red flag ever

Bucket11

Date posted: 6d

@OneDayAtATimee The turning the tables on me is the part that makes me feel like im insane the most. I never expected that behaviour from her, but the signs are there. Never thought i would see this. Thank you for your feedback

cevelyn

Date posted: 6d

It’s important to know what each other consider as cheating, what actions you both consider to be crossing boundaries; etc. Relationship OCD is hard, it’s one of the subtypes I have. Having a conversation about my boundaries, expectations, and what I consider as cheating were tough but necessary conversations. Think about whether this is a line that was crossed that can or can not be forgiven and if it can be forgiven, a deep conversation about future boundaries and expectations should occur!

Bucket11

Date posted: 6d

@cevelyn We talked about it before, It was definitely a clear boundary. Its also a basic rule, dating apps should never be okay.

issphra 🫶🏻

Date posted: 23w

I feel like a cheater, please help :(

I’ve been struggling with something that’s been really overwhelming, and I’m hoping to get some perspective from others here. I feel a lot of guilt about it, and I’m not sure if I’m alone in this experience. Lately, I’ve found myself daydreaming about romantic situations or getting caught up in ‘what if’ scenarios—where I wonder if I could develop feelings for someone else, or if someone develops feelings for me. The thing is, I’m in a relationship that I love, and I don’t want to act on these thoughts at all. What makes it even harder is that these thoughts often hyperfixate on one specific friend, and sometimes they feel entertaining or give me a dopamine rush. But then, of course, I feel even more guilty because it makes me feel like I’m betraying my boyfriend. These thoughts usually happen when I’m upset and looking for comfort, but then they morph into romantic scenarios, which makes me feel so disloyal. I’m constantly going back and forth between feeling curious or entertained by the thoughts and then feeling horrible for even allowing them to happen in the first place. I keep confessing these thoughts to my boyfriend, and he tries to be understanding. He’s just never been the type to daydream, so he doesn’t know if this is something other people experience or if it’s just me. I feel like such an awful girlfriend. Has anyone else dealt with something like this?

Parker_b

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 10w

Retroactive jealousy/relationship ocd

I’m gonna try to make this make sense, and any support or advice would be great. I have a beautiful girlfriend, who I’ve been dating off and on for a year. We were really rocky but got our shit figured out 4 months ago and have been strong since. I truly love this girl more than I’ve loved anyone. And I know based off the sheer amount of ocd that has come up on our relationship, that she means a lot to me. Me and her were in a friend group in 2022 and we never liked each other. However she had a sexual relationship with one of my old friends. Fast forward to now I haven’t talked to him in a long time and I don’t see it as an issue. However… I keep having this vivid flashback to him touching her some kinda way in 2022. I can’t remember exactly what happened or the details but it’s running through my head. I guess this is retroactive jealousy but it’s really almost hurting my feelings. I wish it would stop but I know ocd doesn’t work that way. I just wanna be happy with my girl and not upset at her past experiences

Relationship OCD

Anonymous

Date posted: 9w

Relationship OCD- fear of cheating

I have this deep fear I’ll accidentally cheat on my long term partner. This fear was initially triggered a couple years ago after being at a bar with my friends where I enjoyed the attention of being flirted with by a stranger. Because of my enjoyment of receiving verbal attention, I began spiraling about what if I accidentally cheat. Since then I have made multiple confessions to my partner to seek reassurance, replayed events over and over in my head, spent hours googling/looking at reddit threads, and now I dread “bar like” situations where I know my partner won’t be around. Today I was triggered and have wasted about 4-5 hours of my day ruminating. Does anyone else with relationship ocd struggle with this fear and have any tips?

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Girlfriend went on tinder and its driving me crazy

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