Brooooo my brain is like straight up telling me that maybe I would like to be with a girl or do sexual things with them. Telling me like maybe I do want it. Wtf I can’t. Why why why

Idk what to do i feel like I'm in such denial and I'm so lost right now. The idea of being with a woman doesn't even give me anxiety anymore!!! And it's freaking me out because wtf I've never wanted to be with a woman

@NocturnalGyal It seriously almost feels like my brain is forcing me to leave my bf and be with a girl. But I don’t want to do either. So it legit feels like I am trapped and suffocating.

@Ocdandme123 Me too! I cried all day today because the thoughts and feelings just felt so real. Telling me I don't care about my bf and that I have to leave him

@NocturnalGyal Yes mines telling me what I have with him isn’t true love or genuine or real like I would or could have with a “girl” ??

@Ocdandme123 YES THAT'S WHAT MINE IS TELLING ME TOO IT'S SO FUCKED!

@NocturnalGyal Why is this happening to us. I just want to get better. I don’t ever want to have a lesbian thought again. ? we are seriously in the same boat. ? I’m so sorry girl

@Ocdandme123 I dont want them either ?? I have such a bad habit of checking the thought over and over again and then checking how I feel about it. And now I'm at the point where I don't get anxious from the thought and it scares me so much. And then I check to see how I think about my relationship and I get anxious(I have ROCD as well). And it mixes me up and ruins me?? we are both suffering so bad

@NocturnalGyal This has made me have ROCD. I check and check too. Do you have thoughts about if you were to be in a situation in a bed with a girl or something that you’d have the urge or want to do things with her? So weird but that’s one of my thoughts. And I hate it

@Ocdandme123 My thoughts aren't about being sexual with women most of the time. It's revolved around just being romantic with one ?? and it feels so genuine and I'm so lost right now because the last thing I want it to leave my bf but it feels like i have to!

@NocturnalGyal My mind tells me that I don't like men anymore and that I forced myself to

@NocturnalGyal Oh I have fears of both sexually and romantically. It doesn’t scare me as much sexually because I’ve done it before but that’s still awful because it makes me relive and relive that experience to see if I liked it a lot or not. I legit think the biggest fear for me is that a girl will come on to me or I’ll meet a girl and I will actually get feelings for her. I had a girl that looked like a “lesbian” or more guyish at a club come on to me and I liked it. I remember LIKING IT ? I was almost damn near black out so idk if I can trust that too much but I remember liking it. ??? this shit is terrifying. Idk if I liked it cuz I really did or if I was drunk and was getting attention. Omg wtf. I feel like I’m just into girls but I don’t want to be ??? typing this is making me panic dear lord ugh so many last experiences that feel like proof. I want to cry

@Ocdandme123 Now, my thoughts are just flashbacks to my childhood and it's trying to convince me that I somehow "always knew" but I didnt!! I never thought about girls like that ever! And it's the worst too because I wasn't that boy crazy and I also experimented when I was 7 which is also a reoccurring thought! At this point, I don't care if I was bisexual because at least I'd be able to stay with my BF but my brain is just working against me! This is so terrible idk what's real anymore. my bf feels like a stranger to me now, as if our memories don't even exist. It's so scary and I hate it so much

@Ocdandme123 Don't overthink the fact that you liked it, it's just flattering, it doesn't mean anything. In fact, don't overthink anything. Don't entertain the thought, don't check to see if it's true

@NocturnalGyal Yeah I think about if I were to be a lesbian and there’s no way I wouldn’t want a guy again. Or have sex with a guy. There’s just no way. So bisexual I could go with too but it’s true. It’s fighting so hard against me too. I need it to stop. I want to feel like myself again ? I pray we can get through this hell hole

@? ilshid It’s so hard ?

@Ocdandme123 I know, personally, reading posts in this app helps me see how everyone is having more or less similar thoughts (no matter the type of OCD) so I kind of distance myself from them that way, like "oh, it's not me, it's the OCD thoughts, everyone has them" :)