Is it wrong to not want to help a narcissist I feel bad because as a Christian you should but then also need boundaries. It’s so hard and I feel selfish for not wanting to help and it’s probably making these situations worse but I always just try to not be around this person any chance I get. If anyone has advice or has experience with narcissist people that would be appreciated
Heyy this is not a bad thing at all to not want to help someone that is a narcissist! ❤️❤️ I used to struggle so much with wanting to help everyone especially if they were abusive to help them and I got myself pretty hurt and Jesus sees the AMAZING intentions in your heart and how much you love the person however Jesus doesn’t want you getting hurt! You are His child and you are very special to Him! It is okay to set a boundary because Jesus CARES ABOUT YOU TOO SND YOUR SAFETY!!! You can do things like praying for them or maybe cards or a note if you would like however you want to have a limit conversation with them because I don’t want you to get hurt friend! I think I would say help from a distance and boundaries to protect yourself because you deserve to be respected even if you say you pray for them and have a distance help then knowing that know God loves them or if they are far off it might make them mad but it stirs something in there heart about how you are loving them differently than the world and I admire you for this it’s a blessing please remember to take care of yourself and boundaries are nessary it hurts God if you get hurt you are one of His as well! Please keep us updated on everything!
@OCDParty I did want to say as soon as they cross your boundaries you have to let them go a little bit because there is a risk factor of you getting hurt and I don’t want that for you you are an amazing person for wanting to spread God’s love!
I mean I'd say be careful for sure. Read about narcissistic abuse so that you're aware of the risks. I'd lowkey warn against it. My dad has NPD and bro tried to poison my mom lol. Maybe it is ocd related though like scrupulously ocd?
@Lucywilefire Yeah it could be. I feel so stressed about other situations in my life I don’t even know what to say in prayer and then I keep just praying the same things every time cuz I feel like I missed some parts and I never feel peace I just always am anxious
I think it depends. I've cut ties with a homeless person before who was just taking too much time from our family. I didn't want to do that. But my husband encouraged me to do that because this person was very mentally ill and was taking away energy that I should be giving to my family. But on the other hand, sometimes people have flaws or sins in their lives, and somebody has to put up with them, or they would end up completely alone in life. We don't have enough faithfulness in our culture, and a lot of people with issues get abandoned. So I am a proponent of faithfulness through peoples' flaws. I often think the idea of boundaries often gets abused, when we should be considering the feelings of others. In your case, I think it could go either way. Especially if you have OCD and you don't feel like you're in a healthy place yourself, it could even be dangerous to keep spending a lot of time with a person who is a narcissist. And if that is the case, you might want to keep away from this person. Maybe some other people who are in a better place right now could put the energy into this person instead. On the other hand, if this is, say, a family friend, you might not want to cut ties. It's hard to say without knowing more information about this?
@Tea and Honey Yeah well it’s my mom I just have a hard time with her
@Tea and Honey Like she’s not that bad but also so so difficult
@G C If it's your mom, you definitely should not cut ties with her. Mom's love their kids, and will always be there for them. And, yes, Mom’s can have major flaws, and they can annoy their children. But with your family, unless some serious abuse is going on, it's best to always offer unconditional love, faithfulness, and forgiveness. These relationships will come and help you later in life if you don't cut them out. My brother cut me out of his life several years ago. I honestly think all his reasons were very weak and wrong. And I think the therapist who suggested that he should just cut family members out of his life was wrong to advise him to do that. Because there's no reason why he should've done that, and it has caused huge division in our family. I know it's the popular thing to do these days, but unless there's huge abuse going on, it usually just leads to harm.
@Tea and Honey Yeah that makes sense
@G C However, if you are not planning on cutting ties with her, and you just don't want to HELP her because you think it's feeding bad habits in her life, then that might be a good idea, depending on the circumstances. We don't want to enable people to continue in bad habits. Do you want to share more about what she is doing?
@Tea and Honey No pressure. I think there is a balance in all questions like this.
Sharing my hard-won lesson: if anyone, narcissist or not, does not see an issue with their behavior and hasn't decided to change on their own terms, the 'help' you seek to give them is more a way of protecting yourself from their behaviors & not something they are open to receiving. The best thing you can do is create concrete boundaries and enforce them. I say this with kindness, you are not trained to help someone who is narcissistic, and they would need to pursue professional help. Signed, Someone with lots of narcissistic abuse in their life.
Hi, I feel so creepy with losing connection with one of my closest people in my life, my two daughters who grew up with me during the years I was hiding my ocd. I feel they are seeing me as a narcissistic person instead of taking in consideration that I collapsed in the last part of their teenage years due to so severe ocd that I took my self out of the home to "protect them" ad I was convinced people would be damaged if they came close to me. Also that I never considered me as valuable to them. I felt sorry for them that I were their mother during their entire childhood. In their teenage years I was not available, drowning my self in work avoiding by all costs my compulsive thoughts and the horror I was dealing with. Today they see me as a mother who left them, not taking care of them and only thinking about my self. They never sat down with me after the diagnosis was clear in 2023, and they took.active distance to me in 2018. They sometimes talk to me, like once a year, in Christmas at my parents house, but never take initiative to have contact. I can't deal with it on an emotional level, I feel totally numbed. I love them more than anything in the world and did everything I could since they where born up to the time when my ocd really started to take a toll on me and I withdraw more and more from the familiy. I don't know how to handle because it seems that they think I am a mother who doesn't care or did care, but my ocd is ignored and it feels as if they see it as an excuse for bad behavior. I don't know, it's my guessing. I am not trying to make them change any of their ideas about their childhood and the needs I could not meet. I am so sorry about it. What I can't understand is that they refuse to deal with the fact that I been ill. We are a big resourceful family, but this part of my ocd is hidden back my role as the creative, crazy black sheep, and on top of it all I have somehow succeeded in my profession at the years where I "disappeared ", so it makes it even harder to explain that I spent between 4 and 24 hours on my ocd each day. It's just that I was running my own business which required me and just me as the producer of my product . If I did not function some days or weeks no-one knew as long as I delivered what I was suppose to. In the end I didn't do that either, but for long time I managed against all odds and the he'll of my horrible pure ocd. Anyone who can relate I appreciate all kinds of responses to this. I didn't even speak with my daughters on my birthday or theirs. They don't want to talk to me. For a while I thought things was better, but then it suddenly became worse after a dinner in my parents home when the family was gathered. I don't have any clue about why and then they said through my father and mother that they don't want to talk with me. If I had been held hostage by a gerilja in a jungle for ten years and suddenly was released to come home after ten years, everyone would be happy on my behalf. This is how it feels to have got treatment for my ocd, which wad undiagnosed for 28 years. I have a new life already, just 2 and a half years in to treatment. But I lost my children. It feels so painful that I can't feel it. And I wish they could know the truth about my story.
I’ve had off and on fears and thoughts of being a narcissist but at this point it doesn’t feel like a fear anymore it feels true and it feels like it all makes sense the more I learn about narcissism. I’ve even put the label on myself and have been monitoring all my social interacts and motivations. I don’t know if telling myself I’m a narcissist causes me to act more narcissistic either. I have some specific examples and factors to talk about that might be too long to post, so if I can talk about them to anyone on here I’d appreciate it 😭🙏
Recently I’ve been getting these very intense episodes of feeling extremely annoyed, irritable and touchy. I start to think narcissistic thoughts like feeling extremely entitled, envious of others and just overall snotty and rude but also horrible about myself. I take everything personal in these moments even though I know it’s stupid to do so. with harm ocd it also makes it 10x worse because they urges are worsened by the anger and intense emotions and sometimes I feel like just crying or this deep pit in my stomach of fear and dispare about the future like where am I heading and who am I becoming? I’ve excessively been on Gemini asking about covert narcissism, because my family disagrees with the idea of me being a narcissist along with my therapist but I just can’t let it go because I actually genuinely believe it. When I want to make things right it feels so self centered and I don’t know the right way to genuinely care about others. Maybe I already do?? I can’t tell if this is all just anger, intense fear and overwhelm, from med changes (went from lexapro to buspar) or processing grief (grandpa died in February) but sometimes I feel even worse because in my head I believe the grief only effects me and I need total attention and care 24/7. and start wondering if this is a subconscious way of thinking for me that I just assume is ocd and anxiety. I feel so tense and when I get in these moments I feel like I’m about to combust, I dissociate, feel like sobbing, isolating, or yelling but can’t tell if it’s all caused from an “ego blow” or something that someone did that made me feel bad about myself and that’s why I feel such high self pity. idk anymore but this feeling is terrifying especially the more I believe I’m a narcissist everything is evidence. I even start wondering what if this is rage, or hatred or resentment? like deep down dark feelings?
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