Today was a very difficuly day. I went into a big city with my friends and I lost traction of how many times I had a triggering episode with triggers. One was undeniable and disgusting. I think it's over.
Thats okay. You did an exposure that is a 10 on the anxiety level scale. And you did it well. Maybe try something less scary before you go out into public. Maybe watching a kids show would be a better exposure. Youre freaking out because the anxiety is telling you too. You are not your anxiety. You are not your OCD. Keep going!
like i wasnt interested nor felt desire, but the moment that with my corner of the eye i saw a se&ual looking pose i immmediately felt a reaction. And then I slowly realised she was wearing a fit that was perfectly resembling an attractive adult fit that i would be normally attracted by, but in miniature. And I slowly realised that, that "attractive" fit/look worked perfectly, i was able to perceive "attractiveness" on the literal body of a literal trigger. And it messed me up a lot. I felt like a ****. It happened at like 6 pm and now it's almost midnight and it still weighs on me. I feel like this is an another episode, undeniable one of proof. I feel like after that I started noticing triggers more, particularly those that i guess looked pretty but were wearing "revealing" inappropriate clothes.
@ivefailed. Youre seeking reassurance. Just go on with your day. I know its hard but you will find peace if you do!
@slippery_salad i try but i cannot accept nor tolerate that i found a trigger to look se&ually attractive, regardless of it being an ocd manipulation or not. im ashamed by myself. i dont even remember. a normal person wouldn't have been able to perceive such thing, if not a creep. Im starting to think bad thoughts abt myself.
@ivefailed. The fact that you cant accept or tolerate it is huge. A pedofile doesnt think twice about their actions and even if they do, at the end of the day, they want to be around children. Do you want to be around kids??
@slippery_salad nope but that doesnt change whatever i perceived. it shouldn't have been possible to perceive attractiveness and se&uality. im devastated.
@ivefailed. Be devastated then. Feel it until it goes away.
@slippery_salad thank you, i will, you're kind. but even if that feeling passes, it won't make whatever i perceived and felt ok, will it? that's what creates this future chronic guilt.
@ivefailed. Im in the same boat brother haha. Except mine are mistakes Ive made in the past. No matter how much you think it is real or know youre culpable, you never really know. And so for me, just saying maybe its true, maybe its not has helped tremendouslyđ©·
Tried to have a fun day today but I was too into my thoughts and that just ended up ruining it. Had it triggered by something, which was being in a social environment surrounded by people talking to each other while I feel I can't talk to anyone all that much. Why is this the trigger? Because it's happened in the past, and probably childhood, and I guess it didn't sit well with me and it still doesn't. It completely took my mood away on top of bad habits that hurt my self esteem further. Then when I feel I talk a bit too much, I get no responses, so that's why I don't say a whole lot to begin with. That combined with worrying about being judged. Just a vent.
Hi, last year I had a trigger with my little cousin that made me spiral. Then that thought lead to another and lead to another thought and another one and so on and I've been feeling stuck (with ups and downs) over a year now. I hit rock bottom in July/August and that lead me to going to the psychiatrist. I am taking meds now, but I still feel bad. It doesn't take as much time of my life anymore but it is constantly back there in my mind. It's the feeling that I'm ignoring and undoubtable truth that soonest or later will come out, or that rejecting, or that I'm resisting. That's why it's been impossible for me to do ERP, because I think it's going to make me want to touch myself and if I do I'll feel bad. And then it feels like I like the thoughts, not only physically (groinals) but mentally??? It's like a brain fog that I can't tag between pleasure or confusion. And that thought leads me to thinking about the alleged "non-offending" ps and if that could be me. And that thought leads me to think OH MY GOD I can't BELIEVE I am a girl in my twenties obsessing over this I can't believe this is my life.
I have hold back my tears . Iâm trying so hard to play it off. I canât think about it anything without on the verge of falling apart . I have no self control over my mind . Iâm scared. Is this a psychosis . I have barely eaten in days . My stomach is growling but I have no appetite. Idk whatâs going on . Normally if I have a rough week I can fight it but I canât fight it this time. My biggest fear is loosing my bf. Iâm spending the day with him and all I can do it think about whatâs gonna happen when I leave .
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