Anonymous
- Date posted
- 5y
pureolifepureolife
- Date posted
- 5y
Lots of people misunderstand mental compulsions and don’t realize they are actually doing them all the time. If you’re still obsessing over the “meaning” of your intrusive thoughts and feelings and what that means you “have to do” — you’re doing compulsions. Ruminating over how you need to accept this thing you don’t want is a compulsion and quite similar to others who feel the need to confess to their thoughts (often again and again) or those who obsess about being in denial. Here’s the thing: you have OCD and the intrusive thoughts/feelings/urges you have right now are going to make you “feel” like you’re in denial. It’s a sucky feeling but it’s also not true, it’s just a feeling. Here’s a great post on denial: https://ocdla.com/doubt-denial-ocd-5342 My recommendation and what’s been helping me a lot is not to accept it completely but to accept “maybe.” “Maybe I am trans, but maybe these thoughts/feelings can be explained by my OCD, and maybe there’s another explanation entirely that I haven’t even thought of.” Then let that be your answer. Don’t try to figure out which one it is or which is more likely or choose one with 100% certainty. Let all of these possibilities exist and accept that you do not know right now.
IdkIdk
- Date posted
- 5y
So we aren’t in denial because we’re thinking about this 24/7, if we were we’d just chose to ignore it?
pureolifepureolife
- Date posted
- 5y
@advice? When you’re in denial, you’re fully aware of whatever you’re denying. It’s not some secret you uncovered and now have to try to accept. It just is and you’re deciding not to deal with it. But you’re not not struggling day in and day out with whether or not it’s true, endlessly ruminating over it, testing it again and again, feeling the need to confess over and over, endlessly googling and researching about it, etc. that’s OCD not denial.
AnonymousAnonymous
- Date posted
- 5y
@pureolife I feel like it’s not ocd. It feels too weak to be ocd. I’m even questioning my past pure ocd themes, thinking they were all fake
pureolifepureolife
- Date posted
- 5y
@margo1 Honestly, that’s pretty typical for OCD. It’s not a matter of “weak” or “strong” reactions, it’s how much time and energy you’re investing in thinking about all of this. Even if you were trans and wanted to deny it, you wouldn’t spend every waking moment thinking about that denial and trying to convince yourself to just “accept” it.
AnonymousAnonymous
- Date posted
- 5y
@pureolife I’m not trying to convince myself to accept it. I’m trying not to accept it. I’m scared im accepting it.
pureolifepureolife
- Date posted
- 5y
@margo1 Or to not accept it. People do either. But you wouldn’t be “scared you’re accepting it.” It would just be. And then you would choose to either do something about it or not. I’m sorry you’re suffering right now. And I know this is super scary and demoralizing. Can you accept “maybe” without accepting “definitely yes”? That’s a much more realistic thing to accept and it’s what we have to accept with OCD. Can you describe more what it feels like to think you’re accepting it? Like what thoughts are going through your head and how are you responding to them?
[Deleted][Deleted]
- Date posted
- 5y
Comment deleted by user
AnonymousAnonymous
- Date posted
- 5y
But I’m not anxious. Just numb.
Georgia Georgia
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 5y
This is called the back door spike, it’s okay to feel this way it’s just a part of OCD
jj19jj19
- Date posted
- 5y
Same litteraly
Related posts
xoxoacid
- Date posted
- 20w
How do I get rid of these thoughts or calm down
I've been really overwhelmed with thoughts of detransitioning even though I don't want to like thinking I'm not a boy. It's been making my anxiety go up like crazy but I've never had this problem this much before, and I've always felt so proud of who I was and stuff but I don't know why this is coming up all of a sudden and I'm scared. I don't want to detransition but these thoughts won't go away. I often have feminine interests and have been trying to get into a better mindset and I feel like those things are making me feel more feminine and I don't want to feel that way.
sofiaraaah7
- Date posted
- 17w
It’s real now
I’m sobbing right now. I’m convinced that I’ve been in denial all along and that it’s all real. It has to be now. I don’t wanna be a boy but I feel like there’s no way I’m not one if I’m doing these things. There’s no way I’m a cis girl if I’m doing these things. I’m so fucking done with life I feel absolutely trapped. I don’t wanna be a man but fuuuuuuuuck I think it’s real now I’m so fcking done with living. I really feel like I’ve been using OCD as an excuse/a cover up and I’m scared it’s all a facade. There’s no way it’s not real now I’m literally so fcking scared I want it all to stop. If anyone has advice please send some my way. I need it badly
sofiaraaah7
- Date posted
- 15w
It must be real now
I’m struggling badly. I did something about a month ago which I now realize was probably testing, but what scares me is I feel like I liked it, which is horrifying. What’s even worse though, is after I did it, I was able to brush it off quickly and not be too bothered by it, as I was still very anxious on other thoughts I was experiencing. Now those thoughts are meaningless and THIS is what’s causing tremendous anxiety, but the fact that I didn’t feel anxiety about it after I did it seals the deal for me. I mean, did feel anxious and guilty after I did it, but I was able to dismiss it somewhat quickly, and I remember that memory came up a couple of times within the month after I did it but like I said, it hasn’t too hard to dismiss it. I really feel like it’s denial. The fact that I wasn’t that anxious about it and tried to justify it/dismiss it HAS to mean it’s been denial all this time, there just no way this is OCD :( Right now I’m anxious about the fact that I might’ve liked it AND the fact that I wasn’t anxious about it for a while. It is really just a torment to ruminate on, and I would never do that thing again, but the fact that I did it and felt like I liked it is beyond terrifying. I feel like I have proof now, I’m trying to figure out why I did it and what it meant, and why I wasn’t super anxious the following weeks after, I mean it WAS uncomfortable to think back on, but I feel like the fact I wasn’t super anxious about it means I was in denial or repressing my true self. I am so so scared. I’ve been worried about this for the past week and a half :( (This is all centered on the same theme btw.)
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