i need help please !😭 ROCD

Hey, I really need your honest opinion. I have been diagnosed with OCD and I also suspect that I struggle with Relationship OCD (ROCD) or obsessive jealousy. I often get completely stuck on certain situations – and right now it’s happening again. Situation 1 – Supermarket: A few days ago, we were at the supermarket and parked right in front of the entrance. At that moment, a young woman came out of the store. My boyfriend looked at her – for me, that’s “looking at someone.” For him, it’s not. He said: “I only looked in that direction. I didn’t look at her.” “I don’t even remember what she looked like.” When I first explained to him what “looking” means for me – for example, if our eyes meet, I already consider that “looking” – he still kept saying, “I didn’t look at her.” For him, “looking” means consciously focusing on someone with intention. For me, it’s already “looking” if our eyes meet or I notice him glancing at someone, regardless of intention. Later, when we discussed it more calmly, he said he “saw” her but didn’t “look” at her in his sense of the word. For him, this was consistent – but for me, this change in wording feels like an inconsistency. My mind latches onto it and keeps asking: if he really meant “I saw her,” why didn’t he say that from the beginning? Situation 2 – Car: In another situation, a woman with a suitcase was getting into a car in front of us. In my opinion, my boyfriend looked at the car and the woman a bit longer before she got in (not long, but longer). Of course, this could have simply been because there was movement and she was putting the suitcase into the car. Later, I asked him if there was a reason why he looked at the car a bit longer. He said: “No, there was no reason.” My thoughts afterwards: Even though we talked about both situations, my brain keeps scanning everything afterwards: • Was it really like that? • Was his first statement different from the second? • Was it really “not looking” in his sense – or “looking” in mine? • Why did he look at the woman a bit longer before she got in? • Why did he look at the car longer if there was no reason? • Is he lying to me because he said it differently at the beginning than later when we talked more calmly? Situation 3 – Other recent triggers: Yesterday, my boyfriend said to me: “If you know that I didn’t look at her with any intention, why would you even bring it up?” This made my brain spiral again, because I thought: Why would he say that if he says he didn’t look at her at all? During an argument, he also said that when we talk about topics like this, “it’s basically obvious that we’ll end up fighting.” Somehow, this also made me overthink what exactly he meant by that and if there was something hidden behind it. Another example: he says he doesn’t look at other women, but recently he ran into his best friend’s ex-girlfriend. He told me that she “looked at him in a weird way.” Later, it turned out that she had actually smiled at him. When I asked about this, he said that by “weird” he meant that she is a bad person in his opinion, and therefore her smile felt strange to him. But my mind still keeps going over why he didn’t just say “she smiled” in the first place. Back to Situation 1 and 2: I personally remember the looks and interpret them as “looking” – and that’s exactly what I can’t let go of. I notice that I constantly check for inconsistencies, almost obsessively – and even though we have talked about it, I can’t stop analyzing. I sit here with this inner restlessness and have the strong urge to bring it up again. But I know it wouldn’t help – it would only calm me down temporarily, and then the cycle would start again. Despite his explanations, I still internally doubt his honesty, even though I know there’s actually no objective reason to. It almost feels dangerous to me not to bring it up. I feel like I have to clarify if he was “really honest” – even if, objectively, there’s no reason to doubt it. The situation was 3 days ago, but today, out of nowhere, the topic of “looking” popped into my head again. At the beginning, he said he didn’t know what or who I meant, and then suddenly he said he never looked at her at the supermarket – that he only looked in that direction. It makes no sense to me why he suddenly knew after first saying he didn’t know. Now I can’t stand it anymore and I want to bring the topic up again because it triggers this uncertainty in me. I know my partner loves me and is honest – at least I hope so – and yet I’m sitting here feeling like I can’t stand it if I don’t talk about it again. I’m tired. My question: Does this sound like OCD / ROCD / obsessive jealousy to you? Or could it actually just be normal jealousy? I honestly feel like my brain is destroying me over this. Thank you so much if you can give me your thoughts.

Relationship OCD

Alison_cox

Date posted: 4d

I think this could be a form of ROCD, but it also could just be insecurities over some prior that are still manifesting. I went on a hike today and I made direct eye contact with every person on my trail and said hello or smiled. I do not remember a single one of their faces now, not even the one that let me pet their dog. Looking can absolutely just be looking. Sometimes I’ve stared at a person for like five whole minutes because I’m dazed and didn’t even realize it but that person probably thought I was full on staring. If I had to explain those scenarios to my partner, and he didn’t trust or believe that answer after the first time I told him - I might try to explain it differently too because what I said the first time didn’t work. If he pursued it further I might wonder if no answer would be good enough besides the one he is suspecting, which would suck since that’s not what happened. But part of OCD does center around not being comfortable with the unknown. That we can’t know the answer to everything and having to live with that. That we have to just trust in some things (in this case your relationship) and learn to accept that we can’t always have the answer. So in that sense, not being able to accept that your partner was really just looking at someone with no thoughts about that person could be a component of ROCD.

marryyyy

Date posted: 4d

@Alison_cox Thanks for your answer. And what about the part where, at the beginning, he said he didn’t know what I meant, and later he said he had looked in that direction but hadn’t looked at her? That doesn’t make sense to me, and it suddenly popped into my head days later, completely out of nowhere, when I wasn’t even thinking about the topic anymore.

Alison_cox

Date posted: 4d

@marryyyy Unfortunately this is perceived reassurance seeking, which is not advised in the OCD community, and the post may get flagged :( His responses sound very similar to what I was describing already. He states that he wasn’t even looking at her to understand what you asked the first time. And then the second time he may still be sharing that he wasn’t looking at her but is aware he looked in that direction and so he might have better clarified himself because you didn’t believe him the first time. I don’t know him to know if he can be trusted or has give you a reason to doubt him in the past. I’m just going based off of the assumption that he is not doing anything nefarious because this is a common theme with ROCD. but that trust is a key component of a relationship and that trusting he is telling the truth is important to maintain that bond.

marryyyy

Date posted: 4d

@Alison_cox I think you might have misunderstood — the part where his statements felt inconsistent to me was only about one specific situation: the supermarket. At first, when I asked him, he said he didn’t even know what or who I was talking about. Later in the conversation, he said that he never looked at her, only in that direction. For me, that felt like he suddenly did know who I meant, which confused me. It’s not something that happened in multiple different situations — just this one Also, just to respond to your answer — my partner has never done anything wrong or given me a reason not to trust him.

Alison_cox

Date posted: 4d

@marryyyy Sorry, that is how I interpreted it though. Him realizing he must have been looking in a direction of a girl because you are bringing up again to him because you didn’t believe his first answer

nic0.xp

Date posted: 4d

You need to sit with the uncertainty, ask yourself why you feel the need to ask him this if you trust him ? It sounds like you’re asking for reassurance about a situation which can make ocd a lot worse (I’ve been there….). As frustrating as it is, telling myself “maybe it’s true, maybe it’s not” helps a lot. It’s definitely not easy but it’s possible. I’m currently dealing with something similar myself 😕

marryyyy

Date posted: 4w

is this ocd??

Hi everyone, I’ve already been diagnosed with OCD, and I strongly suspect that I’ve developed a ROCD pattern. I wanted to share a specific situation that just won’t leave me alone – even though it’s objectively been cleared up. I’m in a relationship with a man who is, by nature, a very transparent, honest, and loyal person. Rationally, I know I can trust him. Recently, he got a phone call while I was with him. I asked him to check who it was. He hesitated briefly and then checked kind of slowly – the number wasn’t saved. To me, the whole thing just felt a bit strange. It didn’t seem like “open behavior,” even though he told me afterward that he simply didn’t have the energy to deal with it, since he had generally had a bad day. The problem is: Even after this explanation – which makes sense – the thoughts won’t go away. I keep replaying the situation in my head, analyzing his reaction, wondering if that hesitation meant something – even though I know he didn’t do anything wrong. I feel like I need to bring it up again to feel at ease. But I also know that would only bring temporary relief, and then the cycle would start all over again. It feels just like other OCD loops – only this time, it’s centered around my relationship. Have any of you experienced something like this? How do you stop yourself from falling into the reassurance trap over and over again? I don’t want to overwhelm or hurt my partner unnecessarily – I just want to learn how to manage this inner tension better. did it sound like ocd?? Rocd?? Thanks for reading. It really helps to know I’m not alone. (edited)

Relationship OCD

marryyyy

Date posted: 11d

ROCD need help..

Hey, I really need your opinion – I think I might be struggling with Relationship OCD, and these thoughts are driving me crazy. I’ve been officially diagnosed with OCD, and I believe I also have ROCD. My obsessive thoughts often focus on one specific girl from my boyfriend’s past. She had messaged him a few times, and I think she liked him – but he never liked her back. He barely knew her, never found her attractive, and never wanted anything with her. She’s just a good friend of his best friend – not an ex or anything like that. He told me that he happened to be in the same group as her a couple of times – once at a birthday party and once at a fair – just because his best friend brought her along. He made it clear several times that she’s not his type at all, neither in looks nor in personality. He described her as someone who likes to go out and party a lot, and said that’s just not what he’s into. He also said he didn’t ask about her – these things were mentioned to him before our relationship. Almost all of this happened before we met – except for one thing: the fair. That was just one day before our second date, back when we had just started getting to know each other. She was with his friend group that night. He said he only said hi and bye to her, nothing more. The next day, when we met again, we were talking about his friends’ heights. He casually mentioned that his friend was the same height as that girl – 1.70 m. Ever since, I keep wondering: If she meant nothing to him, why did he even talk about her? Or did he actually talk to her that night, even though he said he didn’t? I know he said they barely exchanged a word, but somehow he still knew that detail. I just find that strange. Another example: He once said she was “kind of slutty.” Then, one or two months later, when I brought it up again, he said he didn’t know if she was or not, and that he didn’t care at all. That really confused me. I keep wondering: Why did he say something like that in the first place if he supposedly doesn’t care about her? I also notice this really frustrating cycle: When I talk to him about something that doesn’t make sense to me, I feel brief relief. But then, almost immediately, another thought or detail pops up that feels “off” again – and I feel like I have to bring that up, too. I can’t tolerate the uncertainty. It’s like an endless loop. These little “inconsistencies” – or what I perceive as inconsistencies – make me spiral, even though I do believe he’s being honest with me. I want to trust him. But I have this constant urge to bring up every little thing that doesn’t feel logically right. Every detail stays in my head for days, and it’s really hard not to talk about it. Does this sound like Relationship OCD to you? Do any of you go through this constant analyzing and doubt? I’d really appreciate your thoughts. I’m slowly ruining my own relationship..

Relationship OCD

marryyyy

Date posted: 8d

need help please ! 🫩 ROCD

Relationship OCD

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i need help please !😭 ROCD

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