RidingTheWaves 🌊

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 7d

Obsessing about getting engaged

Heya guys- any advice welcome! I'm in a happy and loving relationship with my partner (M) for 5 years. I am going on 32 next month and am anxious to get married and start a family. My OCD has really latched onto getting engaged and it's almost like I have anticipatory anxiety ? I feel like my time will never come. We moved into a house last August and I kinda thought things would have progressed more since

"Pure" OCD

Sleepy Fawn

Date posted: 7d

I get anxious about not meeting milestones those who I respect have also met, if that makes sense. What works for me to break that cycle sometimes is to repeat that I am on my own path and that things will happen in “my own time.” But I still struggle so hard with this, so I get you.

RidingTheWav...

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 7d

Thanks a mill for the reply! Yes, I also read affirmations to myself like 'I trust that what's meant for me is on its way', but my OCD always manages to wriggle itself back in. Such is the nature of the beast! But thanks again for your reply, helps that I am not the only one feeling it!

HaTran

Date posted: 7d

I understand that hoping for something, especially when it requires companionship, always takes a great deal of patience and effort. You can also shift your perspective a little—rather than letting all your thoughts revolve around the timing of the engagement, try focusing on what you already have: a loving partner, a stable relationship, and beautiful memories together. This will help ease the pressure and allow you to truly enjoy the present moment. Because later, when you step into married life, you might look back and miss this very period of time. So cherish it while it lasts 💓

RidingTheWav...

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 7d

That's great advice, thank you!

HaTran

Date posted: 7d

@Anonymous 💭 I hope to see you feeling better soon 🌸

jackiedaniels

Date posted: 7d

I am also 32 in a healthy relationship of 6 years. We are not engaged and I know EXACTLY how you feel. We have lived together 5 years and moved into a home together also 3 years ago. The thoughts are endless and I tell myself that I’m putting so much worth into a piece of jewelry and it seems so silly but I think just having that validation will go such a long way. A few years ago he spent $1700 on some orthopedic shoe inserts for me and if that isn’t love I don’t know what is. So why does a ring have so much worth?

RidingTheWav...

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 7d

Sounds like he's a keeper!! I get it though, it's really frustrating because the rational side of me things it's ridiculous and i don't need a ring to prove our love but then the other side of me is frustrated and wants one yesterday :/. Social media definitely doesn't help with all our age group posting their beautiful rings and perfect days. Trying to stay 'in my own lane', but man it's exhausting.

jackiedaniels

Date posted: 7d

@Anonymous 💭 Social media is AWFUL! The second I read “if it’s longer than two years you’re a place holder until he finds something better” cue full spiral!

RidingTheWav...

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 7d

@jackiedaniels - YES, fullly agree! I was at a hen/bachelorette party recently and we were in a club and a guy was hitting on me and I politely told him I was taken and he fully grabbed my hand and was like 'no ring, no problem'. WHAT THE HELL?. Totally inappropriate but also fuelled my OCD of wanting that ring now more than ever. It makes me feel like we are behind when all my family and friends are constantly making jokes about him 'bending the knee'.

jackiedaniels

Date posted: 7d

@Anonymous 💭 Classic man move right there 🙃 I’m sorry that happened to you. Regarding the family that has be very very difficult to deal with. The societal pressure placed on relationships is so insanely difficult and then to have family on top of it applying pressure is just awful. And then at the same time it’s like okay well why haven’t you proposed because like it’s been this long so what gives…. But then reason argues, if it ain’t broke ya know? It’s a vicious cycle. I feel like a terrible person putting so much worth into a piece of paper and it’s like what are even the pros of being married this day and age anyways. But the societal standard is telling me that I’m behind and I’m in a relationship doomed to fail because we haven’t hit one specific milestone.

RidingTheWav...

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 7d

@jackiedaniels - I fully hear what you're saying and completely agree! I think I keep just trying to pin it back on OCD and the need to know when it will happen and where, instead of enjoying our relationship for what it is right now (which is honestly so lovely). Just another OCD hook I guess. The need for control, even in lifes lovelier moments. But we will get our day out eventually, it's just about staying calm and enjoying the journey in the meantime. We are still becoming and this shouldn't be a finish line!

jackiedaniels

Date posted: 7d

It’s been so nice being able to talk to someone who understands. Im so so tired and I just feel like all my brain does is try to sabotage me. I really appreciate you ♥️

RidingTheWav...

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 7d

@jackiedaniels Absolutely! And I you! And if there IS a ring in the near future, I’ll be sure to let you know and smile remembering this conversation 🥰 feel free to share your happy news with me too! I’m rooting for you!

jackiedaniels

Date posted: 7d

@RidingTheWaves 🌊 I absolutely will! I happened to see another post you had shared about getting a puppy and we are living parallel lives lol! I just got a puppy 6 weeks ago for very similar reasons. And I am a major cat person so the dog is a total 180 for me!

RidingTheWav...

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 7d

@jackiedaniels Omg she was a disaster when we got her 😂 things have improved majorly since! But I had really bad puppy blues when we first got her - she was hard work and my OCD went spiralling! But all good things take time I guess! We are living proof of that! And what will be will be ❤️ I hope you’re having fun with your new puppy! Such an exciting time

puzzlesandkn...

Date posted: 25w

Rocd and change

My girlfriend and I are both applying to grad schools and have no idea what’s going to happen next with our lives but I am seeing couple getting engaged and moving in and I am so freaked out I feel like I should want those things and I do but like not now? But is that bad to not want them now I’m scared it will never actually be the right time or that maybe I am with the wrong person but I don’t believe in wrong person and I love my partner so much I don’t want to feel this uncertainty but that is what my ocd wants :// any tips y’all?

tommih

Date posted: 20w

Relationship OCD

I’m obsessing over the future and if my boyfriend and I are going to make it. I know it’s ocd because the thought won’t leave. Discussing the future with my boyfriend makes him very stressed because he is in a difficult family situation. I’m trying my hardest to be patient but I need reassurance that there is a plan and timeline in place. We have been dating for almost two years and I’m not ready to live together but I like discussing it and knowing there’s some form of plan. My ocd gets bad when there is no plan. Are there any thoughts or tips to help?

jessmair

Date posted: 18w

Engaged with ROCD- insight needed

Longish post but please stick with me. Hi everyone. I’m just looking for a bit of insight and if anyone else has felt this. It may sound strange and I’ve not had the courage to ask this for a while…. So I’ve been with my partner (27M) for almost 3 years now, I’m (24F). He recently proposed which I was not expecting so soon. We always joked about it and when he said he looked at rings I was happy. I knew it was coming at some point but not so soon. When it happened it’s immensely triggered my ROCD. And I’m struggling with something in particular, I just want to know if anyone else has experienced it/ what the root cause could be so that I can work on it……. When he proposed it’s like my brain put a time stamp on our relationship. All of a sudden I’m counting the days of my relationship/how long I’ve been in one. It’s like my brain is “keeping track” of the amount of days/weeks that I have a relationship. It’s like my brain wants to be in a relationship for a very long time IMMEDIATELY, which is of course not possible. It’s like my brain is saying “you have to break up with him because you haven’t been together a while yet”. It makes it feel like time is going so slowly. I see couples together for 6/7years prior to my age/time and just think “how did they do it”? Same with married couples. It’s like I think “they’re lucky I wish I was at that many years already”. But at the same time, the thought of being with someone for a long time makes me feel anxious and sick and like I have to “escape” or “get out” urgently. I’ve struggled with this particularly for a month now and am just wondering if anyone else has experienced the same or similar? Or can anyone offer insight into what this really could be deep down/root causes, as I REALLY want to figure out why and where it’s coming from. Sorry for the long post. Advice appreciated ❤️✨

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Obsessing about getting engaged

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