- Date posted
- 24d
Seeking counsel
I don't know what's happening me recently, I was lukewarm and this year I've tried to get closer to God I feel distant from God and like even if I pray there's something I'm missing I read the bible everyday and pray everyday but Recently like in the Span of 3 or 4 weeks I feel off. And it keeps changing what it is like before when I would pray I kept getting loads of thoughts every time distracting me and loads of disrespectful thoughts and it was hard to pray and OCD and intrusive thoughts all the time but it was getting worse only when I prayed. And I feel like different things are going on distracting me and I keep failing the past 2 or 4 days I've been even more distant from God im tryna change that today but I feel like something is missing also that I feel God has been telling me possibly unless I'm overthinking that my heart is hardened and I don't know what to do. I don't know if I'm still lukewarm and what to do to be Born again, And I don't know if I'm giving my whole heart to God I want to but if I'm not then Idk how? And also I think my heart is hard in another way too like this distance and me failing God I feel sad but I can't even cry and my dog aswell I feel so bad for him he had had fleas for 10 months and treatment and shampoos didn't work and I think it's kind of my fault for letting him on carpets and my bed since I feel so bad for him because hd doesn't like to be alone and one of my little sisters has so many bites from fleas on her and it's my fault. I can't do anything right, and he is not eating enough because I don't have enough food for him right now and he's not even eating full meals I have no dog food left and my parent said I can't buy any right now but I've been forgetting to feed him sometimes because I've been tryna focus on getting closer to God but I'm failing everything, I don't know what to I feel bad for my dog too he's been my best friend since 2018 but I can't even cry when I feel bad. I also keep worrying if I'm lying to myself that I care or faking everything idk something says that in my head sometimes, But my mum said to me in an arguement in 2024, "Are you really that heartless?" I don't know what to think anymore I think I am. It feels like I have no control over my heart. I'm sorry I keep rambling about random stuff, the way I explained this is probably like a 3 year old sorry. I'm 15 btw