terrified bf will break up w me

We’ve had a rocky period recently while he was off on a trip bc my ROCD flared up really bad. I can’t shake this awful feeling we’re on an inevitable decline, esp bc I’m unemployed and still in driving school and feel really useless in life and have nothing to contribute. I had an awful nightmare just now that he broke up w me and called my bf in tears and he seemed somewhat annoyed (granted it was 6am in the morning) when I was hoping for reassurance (yes i know bad but I wanted him to at least say it’s not real! 😂). I can’t help but take his irritation as confirmation of the inevitable. The dream felt SO REAL. Scared it had meaning.

Relationship OCD

roweder

Date posted: 2d

I think you are in a situation where he is being socially fed by his lifestyle, and you are not. I imagine that being home a lot, regardless of having OCD, allows you to ruminate a lot more and become paranoid about little things you did that maybe they didn't like. If the other person is working, I imagine they're being both fed and exhausted by their days. They come home wanting to relax through the evening and not do too much because they're looking forward to the weekend. I could see though, how someone who stayed home all day and is insecure for some reason, might not be exactly what the other person wants to come home to. You probably want to have conversations that might be a little difficult, and also ask for their reassurance. But, as I'll mention later, he likely expects you to feel sure, and not need reassurance. I think that if your primary goal is to keep the relationship, it would help to find a different outlet to go to when you're upset with feelings about the relationship. I think you should do that because I imagine he believes he participates in the relationship in a way that should make you feel secure. When you share that you still don't feel secure, it would be frustrating for him. I think you expressing a need for more reassurance or validation, could also make him feel insecure about the efforts he's currently putting in. It's not easy to just act ok when you don't feel ok. But... isn't that kind of OCD treatment in a nutshell? I think you have to act totally reassured until your brain begins to pick up what he actually puts down, to try to make you feel wanted and loved. Then again, I've only heard your side. I hope he's actually worth your time.

roweder

Date posted: 2d

One more thing: I've always been told that to be in a successful relationship, you have to first be at a place in life where you're ok alone. I think that applies here: Even if you're not ok alone, the relationship will have a higher chance of success if you can treat him as if you will be ok alone. So, you shouldn't need that much reassurance from him, ever, because you'd be ok even if he didn't love you and actually did want to leave right now. Because you'd be ok alone! It sounds nearly impossible imo, but I think it is helpful to think about. It reveals the dynamic of these situations. Charisma comes from knowing you'll be fine without the people you're taking to. Charisma makes the people you're talking to want to keep talking to you. "Not needing them is what gets you them" is how I see it. It's one of the ways life works that feels like a very harsh reality until the day you're able to make it work for yourself.

Anonymous

Date posted: 25w

feeling like the relationship is tainted

i’m anxious because after my boyfriend and i got in a argument i was “daydreaming” or thinking about what it would be like dating someone else who was more “right for me” and what if i was excited about that possibility like i had already moved on from my boyfriend. but when i really think about it i don’t want to be without him and don’t want to picture us breaking up. i know i love him but those other thoughts scared me and im now questioning if they mean im falling out of love with him. and if that’s the case i feel like i need to confess that. but at the same time these thoughts could be ocd because the “daydreaming” started after we had been getting in arguments a lot and then i kept seeing other couples interact online and i compare my relationship to that. but then when i think about my own relationship i have everything i want and am being treated how i want to be treated. i’m just scared that because i have had those thoughts about being with someone else that i need to break up him because our relationship is tainted now and i need to start over and do everything perfectly. i think these thoughts are triggered my us fighting and him not fully understanding my rocd and me looking at relationships where the boyfriend understands the girlfriends ocd and supports her and wanting my relationship to me more like that. which logically i know doesn’t mean we have to break up and i need to start over. i can just bring up this issue and communicate what i want and how i want to be supported. i just feel like i need to confess all these thoughts and that i “daydreamed” about being with someone else (no one in particular) and how im now focused on his flaws in comparison to couples online.

Relationship OCD

rjahastings

Date posted: 24w

ROCD - anxiety

I’m having what I think is my first ROCD full episode. I’ve had doubting thoughts the entirety of my relationship. But in the last couple of days have been overwhelmed with and debilitated by anxiety and the feeling that I need to break up with my boyfriend. I don’t know if I have OCD officially but talking to therapists it seems that it is likely and I’m going to an OCD specialist next week to talk through my feelings but I feel completely helpless and hopeless at the moment and riddled with anxiety. I’m in a long distance relationship. I seem to have a waves throughout the day when I want to communicate with my boyfriend and tell him I love him etc. but the other 80% of my day is filled with anxiety and dread that I’m going to have to break up with him. I just want the anxiety to go away and to know if my thoughts are real thoughts or OCD thoughts. My biggest fear is that this isn’t an OCD episode and I do need to break up with him. I’m seeing him this weekend and I’m filled with dread about feeling disconnected and anxious and not in love.

🖤BrokenChaos🖤

Date posted: 19w

Update on BF situation

My terror seems like it's become a reality. Last night when I asked him if he loved me (we both used to do that before he became really distant), he said he'd think about it. I thought he was joking, but when I checked to make sure, he just said "Good night." L-like, what the hell am I supposed to do with that?? Anyway, cried for a good hour/hour-and-a-half while hurting m*self cuz ya'know, I must have done something for him to be questioning whether he loves me or not. I'm too emotional? Jump to conclusions sometimes? I'm annoying? I'm too much?? I don't know why and it's driving me insane. I'm gonna try and call with him today but, I'm not eating anything. ROCD has made everything Reality. 😢😰😓

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terrified bf will break up w me

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