No contact

Girlfriend loved me more than anything in the world, but I became too obsessive, controlling, possessive, I would get mad at simple things then cry about things I was insecure about. I kept saying I'd change. But didn't. Eventually she got to a stage where she is done with our relationship and doesn't want it anymore, even tho a part of her still loves me and I love her more than anything in the world. I had the courage to make the decision of going into no contact to become a better person with the hopes of getting back together with her some day. She said, "some day" only comes with change. I asked her to wait for me. She said yes. We ended on good terms. Then why am I still insecure about her moving on while in no contact, why am I so sure that nothing will work out, that she'll fall in love with someone better than me, why am I being so pessimistic, why do I keep getting the urge to break no contact whatsoever, please help, any advice would be appreciated..

Relationship OCD

No matric ce...

Date posted: 9w

I'm sorry you are going through this ,are you able to afford to see or currently seeing a ERP ocd therapist?

Anonymous

Date posted: 9w

Not really, I am dependent on free resources as of now

roweder

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 9w

This sounds like thoughts I'm somewhat familiar with. I think my therapist would advise me to script out the possibilities. You're right, there's a chance that while you guys aren't having contact, she'll find someone else and become attracted. So, write a script where she does that, and sit with the emotional pain that it creates. You should also script the outcome that you desire. You want to stay strong with no contact. You also want to improve your relationship with your OCD with no contact. It does sound like that's the reality you need to live for some time, for this person to consider being with you again. So, what will you do to make yourself strong in the face of your urges to contact her? In the face of your thoughts about her meeting someone else? See if it helps to write it out. I was a nervous wreck in my first relationship. We started as FWB after her past relationship. She wanted to use me to get over him and then be single. I didn't want that, I had myself convinced that there was "a one" and she was it. There came a point where she knew she was falling for me, and she really didn't want to do that. She asked for space, and I don't know what happened, but I became strong in the face of that. Something gave me this confidence that if I could just nail "ignoring her", it would have some effect and make her come back. It did work, and she later told me that the lack of contact was what really did it. That made her want contact from me. I don't know how I did that, it didn't seem like me at the time. I think I was motivated by my roommate watching "pickup artist" YouTubers who talk a bit about psychology, probably in a way that's harmful to society. I hope you can get something from that story. I dunno how to give you the strength to stick to no contact, but I think finding that strength is your only option. Cuz, you're not gonna change how your OCD affects others, and affects you in a relationship, overnight. I think it would take a minimum of three months to change behaviors to the point that someone who wanted to leave you wants to be with you again. I hope this helps -Derek

Anonymous

Date posted: 9w

Hi Derek, Thanks for the advice, I'll try my level best to follow it, I appreciate it sm, I have a hard time with trying to let go but maybe eventually I will

roweder

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 9w

@Anonymous You're welcome :) life's not easy. Everything worth having is hard to get. Good luck!

mads/

Date posted: 23d

this is like the same situation i’m in right now except I broke no contact pretty fast like a day and we started to talk more today saying stuff like being friends but i could tell her i love her and she would say she loves me I just hope it doesn’t mean im being friend zoned I don’t think so but yeah

matt(:

Date posted: 21w

Please help I’m confused

Me and my significant other have been dating for a while now we are both in the military and we both went to a remote location ever sense we have been here I’ve been so insecure we with each other 24/7 back home and it’s not the same here now I constantly nick pick at her about other guys. If I see her look at a guy too long or if I see her laugh with them anything involving someone else that is male I get super uncomfortable and almost even jealous that someone else has her attention she talked to me yesterday night and said she’s been having thought of being on her own and leaving me which honestly broke me we are still togather but I guess she wants her space so we are not spending much time together or talking much I guess pretty much a "break" I know she’s not the type to go around a mess with another person she truly wants to find herself again and see if she truly wants to be with me I guess and I have to admit i was in the wrong for sure I would be controlling in ways and was someone I didn’t wanna be and always on defense mode for any person talking to her that was a guy. And now it caused her to want a “break from me I talked to my mom because moms are always right ? And she told me I was definitely in the wrong no one wants to be with someone who is controlling and insecure etc my mom pretty much told me she was her own person before our relationship and it’s come to trust at the end of the day and that I can’t control the narrative I just need other opinions on what to do to help save us and my self

better1day

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 21w

Recent Break Up makes me regret

I’m disappointed and upset with myself. Growing up in an immigrant household that didn’t believe in therapy as much, I mostly only really took care of my mental health when it came to playing sports. I was not a great communicator when it came to my feelings or being vulnerable with my partners and friends.The world makes you feel like it’s normal to not say what you mean and that you have to be indirect with a lot of the things you say. It caused a lot of fights, hurt feelings, and words I should have never said between me and my recently ex girlfriend. We had broken up about a week ago, but today is the day she said she did not want to talk to me anymore. I wish I did more than journal and meditate. I wish I got treatment for my OCD earlier, or just any therapy at all. I wish I learned to be better at communication way before I met her. Maybe I wouldn’t have lost her, maybe if I had been more honest and more direct about my feelings, our fights wouldn’t have happened. I wish I could have been more for her. I wish I could have been more for myself. I wish I took mental health, growing, and healing more seriously. I am disappointed for my skepticism and being okay with stagnating as a person. I should have healed and addressed my issues sooner. I don’t know what else to do. I don’t know how to move on. It feels like I blew my one chance to be with the one person I really loved and the first partner I planned on something really long term with. I feel both the weight and pain of disappointment in myself, and losing her. I know the breakup is hitting her too, and I am worried about her wellbeing. They say there are 5 stages of grief, I wonder what stage this one is. And I wonder how long it’ll take me to just come to acceptance. I want to be better. I want to not hurt people I care about. I want to be the man I am supposed to become.

dia!!

Date posted: 20w

My obsession were proved right. I'm scared

For some time i was obsessing over relationship with my girlfriend. For a long time we we're each other's best friends and we only had each other. Recently she made a good friend in work and im obviously really happy for her because she deserves to be loved by more people than me. But i started to feel really jealous. I never thought she can cheat on me i just have really low self esteem and i started to obsess over if she is still in love with me or if she is still attracted to me bc she sometimes would be more interested to spend time with that friend and not me. We talked about it a lot and i tried my best to not be jealous and give her space but i felt how she's distancing from me. At some point she stopped showing me her love in any way. She stopped hugging me and kissing me and she kinda stop telling me she loves me. She only responded "me too" when i told her i love her. I talked about it with her few times and she always said she understands and that she's tired and don't really need physical touch etc. But i was still worrying bc i just knew something is off. She really was acting different. And then few days ago she told me she's actually tired not because of job but me. She feels irritated by me and she don't know why and that she actually thought about breaking up with me and she don't know what to do because she's confused about her own feelings. She said she thinks she still loves me but it's hard for her to see a difference between friendship and love and that she feels tired of concept of dating someone. She said we should wait and see bc she thinks she still loves me but i don't know if that's honest. I don't know what to do anymore im crying all the time every day since that conversation we had. I feel like my worst nightmare just came true and now it's real and not only a though in my head. I can't do anything and i feel like it's the end of the world. We're living together and i don't want to go back to my parents but that's not the worst thing. I just love her so much and i can't hande thought of loosing her. My ocd made me question every single thing about me but somehow i never questioned my love for her so that's why I'm so emotional about it. I don't want to lose her. I don't know what to do i just want to be loved but I don't want anyone else. I don't know what to do im so scared. I want to die every time i look at her with love in my heart and i know she doesn't think about me like that anymore.

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