How do I stop this

I’m in the beginning stages of a relationship and I’m honestly sick. My partner has completely laid out what he wants and explicitly said he wanted a relationship but I cannot for the life of me stop thinking of the worst. Even the slightest off behavior is making me think he hates me and I did something awful or I’m making it all up in my head. We have known each other for a long time and I have no reason not to trust him or myself but the only thing going through my head is awful things even though we talked about plans soon. How can I stop this without being reassured, if being reassured won’t help??

OCD newbies

MsChans

Date posted: 17h

I was told to just hang on to the feeling of doubt. Even if I just delay the compulsion, it will help desensitize to the feeling. It has not worked yet or maybe has only worked minimally. I just wanted to share.

Lex09

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 16h

Rather than trying to rationalize it and affirm the reasons it will work, allow yourself to observe and sit with the discomfort of not knowing. Your brain is searching for safety because relationships are full of unknowns. Unfortunately, there is no magical way of knowing without a doubt with anything in life. When those thoughts appear, don’t try to stop thinking about them, don’t ask other people what they think, and don’t remind yourself things like, “we have known each other for a long time, I have no reason not to trust him”. As hard as it is, even those are little hints of reassurance to yourself. Take it one day at a time, and tell yourself, “I don’t need to know everything right now. I’m choosing to move forward for today, even if it makes me feel uncomfortable or anxious. Maybe my partner is the person for me, maybe they’re not. No amount of googling, asking, or analyzing is going to give me certainty.” At first that’s going to be super difficult and very hard for your nervous system. But the more you starve OCD of its need for absolute certainty and clarity, the less it will scream at you. You deserve good things, OP. Sending love your way, and reminding you that you are strong enough to face this and that you are more than your OCD ❤️

ohdreonah

Date posted: 16h

@Lex09 Honestly this is definitely what I needed to hear, thank you ❤️❤️

Lex09

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 16h

@ohdreonah One thing that’s SUPER helpful for me is to journal my ERP responses, either here on the app, or in a physical journal. Things like, “maybe my partner is or isn’t right for me” or “I’m feeling anxious about ___. No amount of reassurance seeking will give me the ultimate answer.” Affirm the fact you’re feeling anxious. It’s ok to acknowledge those feelings and have compassion for yourself. It’s so hard! But journal those erp prompts as many times as you need to until the feeling of urgency passes. You won’t always do it 100% perfect, but perfection isn’t the goal, shifting your mindset is. If you see triggering content on social media, just tell yourself, “this makes me feel ____. Maybe it applies to me, maybe it doesn’t. Thoughts and feelings don’t have meaning unless I give them meaning. I’m choosing to sit with this uncertainty.”

ohdreonah

Date posted: 16h

@Lex09 Gosh social media really makes it worse sometimes but I’m 100% going to go for that strategy instead of spiraling ❤️❤️

Lex09

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 15h

@ohdreonah Also keep in mind that when you have ROCD, the majority of “listen to your gut!!!” content does NOT apply to you. Don’t allow it to make you spiral. The majority of the population does not have OCD, and for them that “intuition” thing works, but for people like you and me, that’s a recipe for OCD disaster. Don’t run from that content because avoidance also feeds OCD, but when you see those things, just respond with radical compassion towards yourself and tell yourself, “that is their experience. No amount of analysis will give me certainty of my own experience. I’m choosing to resist the compulsion to have all the answers.”

Mazy420

Date posted: 25w

Advice on this situation 😭

I’m at a loss about what to do. I’ve been with my partner for about a year. I’ve wanted to be with him for 3 years and now I finally have him, I got out of a really toxic 11 year relationship about 4 years ago so I’ve had plenty of time to heal, things where going so great at first in our relationship and I’m still very much happy with him, I love him more than anything, but the past 5 6 months I’ve been having a constant fear that he’s gonna cheat or watch 🌽behind my back any chance he gets , I know that’s a touchy subject for some, but me personally it just makes me feel that I’m not attractive enough,or feel like I’m not good enough, I’ve never found evidence of cheating, and I’ve found 🌽 in his history once but I told him how I felt and he told me he understood how I felt and wouldn’t do it again,and I know the constant asking everyday and needing for reassurance with it is putting a tear in our relationship, I just want to fix it. Does anyone have any advice on how to redirect my brain whenever I start overthinking about it when I’m not around him? It just puts so much stress on me when I’m not around him cause I’m just constantly in my head about it.

Relationship OCD

Gmoki

Date posted: 24w

Relationship

I feel so bad I overthink abt everything my bf says and does. I think that if he doesn’t say x y z when I want reassurance then he must’ve stopped caring or is tired of me. I know it’s not the truth and he gives me NO reason to think this way. This is my first healthy relationship and I want to be in each others lives forever. I love him so much and I’m trying my hardest to manage these thoughts but I’m so anxious. It’s so draining I feel helpless and like I can’t go a day without checking his social medias. I want us to be the best versions of ourselves for eachother but idk where to start or how to manage this feeling.

cam123

Date posted: 23w

Stressing about my relationship

Me and my boyfriend have only been together for a short period of time....and he's head over heels for me...at least he says so. All the time I'm so scared he's going to break up with me or any time something is uncomfortable I shut down and think I did something or he's thinking about me in a negative way and I don't know how to stop it. He doesn't do anything to seem like he wants to break up with me, but any time he does something a little different then normal I immediately think of the worst. If he's being really quiet I'll be thinking *is he going to break up with me* *does he not want to be with me* *is he just hanging out with me right now because he wants a girlfriend to pass the time* all of that stuff. And honestly I'm so scared..... because what if my thoughts are true?

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