- Username
- hate_ocd.123
- Date posted
- 5y ago
What you had in the past is real , those feelings you had were real. What’s not real is these irrational fears. Feb this year I didn’t even have a glimpse of this stupid HOCD - just waiting on the arrival of my new son into the world. Then my now then wife split up in June long story and I felt very depressed and I relapsed to HOCD again (even though my last HOCD obsession was 7 years ago). I really hate my brain
I’m so sorry this happened to you. You can overcome it!!!?❤️
I’m so sorry that happened :( but thank you for your input.
it’s because ocd wants to isolate you, so that all you think about are your ticks. feeling like your feelings are fake proves you have feelings bc otherwise why would you feel so horrible thinking you don’t!! sometimes i have to sit down and think about this too.
OCD can convince people of literally anything at all , and I don’t mean to give you reassurance , but you would know if you faked feelings for him once you started talking to him. But try to just accept that you don’t know , because even if you did , it doesn’t tell you anything about yourself. It would or could have just been that you weren’t interested in him particularly ( just hypothetically speaking , not saying this is how it was for you lol ) . But don’t engage with the fears , if you got over this one right now , it would either come back again or morph into a different worry. That’s why you have to live with the uncertainty as hard as it is in the beginning.
I know....I was always just so certain about this boy through all this OCD. Like no matter what I was, he was my constant reassurance cause I loved him so much. Then he left, blamed everything on me and my ocd went crazy :/
Is it normal for even straight people to question their sexuality at times? Before HOCD I was like I’m probably bi or whatever based on NOO CONCRETE EVIDENCE bc in real life I was only attracted to men and am in a stable relationship with a boy...but I got these random thoughts and they didn’t bother me as much that’s until HOCD hit :( and now I’m like NO IM STRAIGHT STOP ?
Is it hocd or have I actually all of a sudden stopped wanting to be with a guy. I have always known I wanted to be in a relationship with a guy but ever since I got these instrusive thoughts about 3 months ago it’s only getting worse and now i dont even know who I am and if I want to date a guy or a girl. I know I don’t want to date a girl but every time I tell myself I want to date a guy I feel like somethings telling me “no you want to be with girls and you don’t have hocd you’re just in denial” Another thing that scares me is that I have never really been boy crazy and I have had small crushes on guys never on girls but every time I have thought a girl was pretty I’m like what if I thought she was attractive and I would have these crushes (they weren’t that crazy)
So my hocd started over 2 years ago (I’m 20 yrs old now), when I was having a conversation with one of my friends and the thought popped into the back of my head what if the reason I don’t have a crush on any guys at my high school is because I’m a lesbian. Since then my sexuality has been on my mind 24/7 I didn’t know this was ocd until about a year ago but i’m only seeking treatment now. The hocd ramped up when I felt super aroused watching a movie with topless women, something that had never happened when watching men. Thing is I genuinely think I’m gay now, I’ve had this for so long that at first the thoughts disgusted me and caused me anxiety but now they don’t anymore. I saw so many tiktok videos about “pipelines” of certain interests gay people have that triggered me and read the comphet masterdoc which made me cry when I read it because I related to so much of it. When I was a child I was never boy crazy, I never really crushed on boys in my class (to be fair there were only 7) however I do remember writing a love note to a boy in first grade and having an immense celebrity crush on a disney channel star. I remember to certain things I did as a child that lead me to think I am gay and they keep replaying over and over in my head. Thing is over the past year I’ve had crushes on 3 guys I’ve met through dating apps. The last one I actually hung out with and I had my first kiss/makeout session 2 months ago. After that my hocd calmed down I enjoyed kissing him it felt euphoric the whole drive home just replaying our dates in my head. But now I can’t get the thought out of my head what if I didn’t like it enough? I didn’t get butterflies when we kissed (i do when I think back about it though) and didnt feel super aroused like that time I watched that movie. I feel nothing when I look at pictures and videos of men but with women I started getting this warm feeling in my chest which stressed me out even more. Idk what I am anymore and it is driving me insane. Does anyone relate?
Share your thoughts so the Community can respond