As a practicing devout Catholic I am often very conflicted about determining my moral culpability and if my thoughts and actions are mortal sins. A lot feels at stake here since it’s about offending God and whether or not I need to go to reconciliation so I don’t go to hell. It doesn’t seem prudent to say “maybe, maybe not”. What am I to do?
I wish I could offer advice. My only thought is that we are Gods creation. And he is aware of the condition of OCD. It would then make sense that our negative experiences would fall under the umbrella of his compassion.
I am going through something similar so please know that you’re not alone. I don’t have an answer to this, but I can explain what sometimes helps me. There’s no pressure so if my feedback doesn’t align with your situation or beliefs, then that’s totally okay. For me, the “maybe, maybe not” statement is about responding to OCD in a way that helps to intentionally disengage from the “OCD hamster wheel.” This is bc we know that when we engage with OCD, it’s never enough and it always wants more. I think of it like a bully that just wants my reaction. If the bully says “those shoes are so ugly!” and I react by trying to convince it that my shoes are indeed cute, it only gives the bully more to argue with. If I say “sure bully, maybe these shoes are ugly, maybe they’re not,” the bully eventually gets bored and backs down bc I’m not giving it my reaction. The “maybe” response isn’t disproving the fact that I like my shoes; in fact, I can actually really like my shoes and I can continue to demonstrate this by wearing them everyday and taking good care of them. “Maybe” is a way to disengage from the obsessional doubt which feeds on compulsions (e.g., reassurance seeking, researching answers, rumination, mental reviewing, checking, etc.) and helps you feel the feelings that OCD has taught you to avoid (uncertainty, fear, anxiety, etc.). By feeling the feelings, you teach your body that you can feel those things and be okay so that eventually you can go back to doing what matters to you, and in this case is trying to practice accountability and working toward making moral choices in the future. The OCD might say “but this is God were talking about, not shoes. You can’t disrespect Him by just saying ‘maybe, maybe not.’” This spikes your anxiety and you feel obligated to figure it out bc you want to show your devotion to God. I believe this is where discretion/discernment comes in (and it takes practice). When you reflect on how God’s voice actually feels to you separate from the OCD voice, you may realize that the OCD sounds quite different. To me as a Christian, God’s voice feels loving, forgiving, and understanding, which is quite different from how OCD sounds which feels urgent, demanding, rigid, perfectionistic, and intolerant to uncertainty. When you learn how to distinguish between how God’s voice and OCD’s voice sound to you (this is a personal thing and I wouldn’t want to assume how either of these sound/feel to you so maybe this can be something you can think/journal/pray about when the OCD isn’t triggered), you saying “maybe, maybe not” is to the OCD as a way that breaks the cycle of rumination, helps you feel the uncertainty and anxiety without avoidance, and when that OCD voice lessens in intensity (bc you’ve stopped feeding it), you can address the situation with a clearer mindset and to practice showing your devotion to God in ways that aren’t compulsive but instead based on your values. It’s about getting back to the “you” that’s underneath the OCD and seeing the message through the fog. This is a challenging thing to overcome and I’m currently trying to get through it as well. The OCD voice can become so engrained that it feels like the real thing. Maybe it is the real thing, maybe it’s not, and that brings up a lot of anxiety. But we can only try our best, to learn from our mistakes, and to have faith that God sees through it all. I can see you are trying to be a good person and I think that means something. Know that you’re not alone. Take care.
I have terrible ocd. Lots of different subtypes but the one that bothers me most is religious ocd. The advice I've been given is to go to only one priest for confession (I'm Catholic) and to listen to his advice. I've been doing that lately and I'm actually taking his advice (like, for example, that if I committed a mortal sin, I'd know for sure.. When there's doubt about whether or not I've done smth wrong, it's likely not mortal and I can recieve communion). I've read that this is good advice for scrupulous ppl. So I'm finally taking his advice but it's so scary! My biggest fear is receiving the Eucharist in a state of mortal sin.. But I need to trust what the priest is telling me. Any other Catholics in this situation? I'm proud of myself for actually taking his advice but it's terrifying at the same time..What if I'm fooling myself and can't admit to myself that I actually did commit a mortal sin, but he sees it as doubt..like, I don't know if I'm doubting I've sinned or if I'm in denial about sinning.. If anyone knows what I mean..I also realize that full will needs to be involved in mortal sin and the presence of doubt is often a sign that even if I did sin, it wasn't fully willful so that's why it's not mortal.. But I'm still unsure and afraid. But that's probably cuz I have ocd and anxiety. Lol.. I'm just wondering if anyone else has been in this situation.. And if it gets easier to listen to your confessor's advice even though it's scary and not what your OCD wants.
I've been doing more research on the ins and outs of Catholicism, and man are the guidelines very strict. They're not bad in any sense, and following them makes for a good person, but with ocd these guidelines seem near impossible to properly follow. For example, it's a mortal sin to have an impure thought, and commiting a mortal sin puts you in a state of sin. This means you cannot receive the eucharist (body of Christ) at mass, which is a way to connect closer to God. You have to confess in order to be free from mortal sin. This is fine and all, but this means in my case I'd have to confess almost every week, which can be so tiring. I'm not trying to bash on my own religion, but these guidelines make it so incredibly difficult for me to feel good about myself. Knowing I'm committing one of the worst forms of sin everyday. Intrusive thoughts are a constant thing, does that make me a child of sin? I even skipped mass today because I feel guilty about being in mortal sin, but skipping mass is also a mortal sin! I feel absolutely terrible about myself right now, and feel as if my connection with God has been cut and it's entirely my fault...
Been having blasphemous intrusive thoughts about God. Then sometimes I’m really struggling and I feel resentful, sometimes even towards God, which I know is not right, I want to have reverence. But it feels like sometimes I think the blasphemous thoughts on purpose because of my anger. I don’t know if this is an OCD issue or an issue of my heart or both. But yeah I don’t know what to do.
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