JTJR19

Date posted: 12w

Constant Questioning

I question my intentions and doubt myself and my actions when I catch myself making an observation or doing a double take on someone out in public or online. I get really triggered because I feel I’m disrespecting my girlfriend. Example: I caught myself doing a double take looking at a picture of someone online while trying to find someone’s email for work stuff. I continue to question my initial “thought”. Was it “oh that persons attractive” or “that person looks familiar”. I felt like my attention was taken away from my girlfriend. Obviously my brain wants it to be the most “negative” thought so I have the compulsion to confess to my girlfriend just an observation that was made. Can anyone relate to this and maybe some strategies that have worked for them or if I’m genuinely just being wrong in doing a double take?🤷🏼‍♂️ it’s getting to the point where I can’t even watch TV or have social media because I’m “looking elsewhere”

Relationship OCD

JTJR19

Date posted: 12w

I feel as though the thought of keeping my girlfriend always in mind is positive but it’s the constant questions of if I’m “living” a life she’d be proud of is where I constantly question and trip myself up you know?

NotMyStick

Date posted: 12w

@JTJR19 The problem we face as men is it doesn’t matter who you’re with and how long you’ve been with them. Your brain is wired to notice all of the opposite sex and what you deem is attractive. That’s probably how you noticed/ meet your current girlfriend in the first place.. if you love her and don’t wanna disrespect her it’s Now up to you and your willpower remove all sources of temptations on your personal devices or in public notice it for a brief second and move on without a second thought. Eventually, you’ll only have eyes for her.

JTJR19

Date posted: 12w

@NotMyStick I feel like the biggest hang up I face is I can “move on” from most thoughts, but it’s the second we have a moment together that brings us closer, my brain feels the need to overanalyze and questions my intentions so I feel “worthy” to be having this moment with her. I’ve removed social media and can get through watching TV with her the majority of the time and have that inner monologue if needed, but then I feel the need to confess like it’s the possible “end of our relationship” which only ends in her questioning herself and my love/compassion for her.

JTJR19

Date posted: 12w

@NotMyStick I don’t feel lustful 99% of the time unless I’ve got an intrusive thought that comes along with an initial observation. It’s feeling lustful and unworthy of her after the fact when I have already moved forward that definitely bugs me and is tough to navigate because I believe in 100% certainty that I am enamored with her completely.

NotMyStick

Date posted: 12w

@JTJR19 Are you feeling guilty for finding other women attractive, then question how you feel about your current girlfriend because of these other attractions?

JTJR19

Date posted: 12w

@NotMyStick The compulsion I have is to find a reason “why” I am failing my girlfriend because I don’t ever feel like I am meeting her standards and expectations of me when that is all I find myself thinking of the majority of the time. She’s wonderful and has even stated that intentionally seeking that out is where the problem lies. I don’t ever feel like I am intentionally seeking that out but my brain convinces me that I am when I could be just walking around a store trying to buy groceries and I’m just looking around the store trying to find a food item.

NotMyStick

Date posted: 12w

It sounds like your experiencing a form of relationship OCD. Unfortunately for me HOCD in relationship OCD often go hand-in-hand.. hopefully I’m understanding your situation correctly, but from my point of view. Don’t feel guilty over something that you have little to no control over when you look in the direction of another girl.. you just have to try to practice self control over your impulses..

JTJR19

Date posted: 12w

@NotMyStick I feel like you’re absolutely getting most of it. It’s like my OCD feels the need to create a situation of self sabotage when I do not have those “impure” original thoughts or intentions from the get-go. I convince myself that I don’t have self control with my thoughts or question my intentions of whether I’m being disrespectful when 3 months ago, I didn’t even notice this issue with myself. I felt confident with how I went about my day-to-day and now I just feel like I’m failing my girlfriend consistently. For example: her and I used to watch a reality show and be able to make comments together on “oh that person is objectively or traditionally attractive” and I’d have no issue or second thought. But now I DO have that issue because I feel bad about even approaching the subject/thought of anyone being remotely attractive because she is the most beautiful person in my eyes. Does that make sense?

NotMyStick

Date posted: 12w

@JTJR19 Yeah. I think you’re possibly leaning towards a fear of finding other women attractive makes you believe that your attraction to your girl may not be as real as you’d like it to be. So you feel guilty about it..

NotMyStick

Date posted: 12w

@NotMyStick If that’s more on point to your situation, then I’ve shared that same feeling

JTJR19

Date posted: 12w

@NotMyStick Yes exactly!

JTJR19

Date posted: 12w

@NotMyStick I truthfully believe that she is the most beautiful person alive, so I am then afraid of failing her because of those intrusive thoughts or questioning of intentions. In your experience, what worked for you? Sharing my thoughts and concerns with her does more harm than good because she starts to question herself and how I view her when that’s the last thing I want her to feel/do.

NotMyStick

Date posted: 12w

@JTJR19 I tried to seek answers just like you a little while back. I’ve learned a little bit about that from listening to psychologist that speak on attractions towards Partners in marriages. They all basically say the same thing. Everyone wants a partner that they’re attracted to, but attractions may not last forever in long-term relationships or marriages. If you guys have built something meaningful worth fighting for more then just an attraction towards one another. That’s the only thing that matters. That’s how marriages last 20 to 60 years. Try not to sweat over the small stuff like thinking another girl is appealing those thoughts will often to come and go until you die.. the only thing that matters is how you act on your impulses.

JTJR19

Date posted: 11w

@NotMyStick Thank you so much. I appreciate all your input. I will definitely just try my best to move on, and try not to sweat those intrusive thoughts as much as I can. I’m hoping too that seeking out help from professionals and other support systems will help ground me and not make me feel like I’m alone and that I’m the “exception” in feeling how I’m feeling. I’m absolutely learning that everyone has struggles and I’m not alone in this which is a huge weight off my shoulders. Thank you for talking through this with me today!

NotMyStick

Date posted: 11w

@JTJR19 Yeah man we’re all here for each other. My struggles are no different or greater than yours. Best of luck to you on your journey to figure this all out.

JTJR19

Date posted: 11w

@NotMyStick Thank you! Best of luck to you too!

NotMyStick

Date posted: 11w

I’m not sure if this will help you but I’m trying this approach and it mostly works for me…. Think of the intrusive thoughts as an annoying infomercial that you’ve heard 100 times in the background as if the tv was on in the other room but you’re too busy to turn it off. You know it’s on you hear it but you’re too occupied to care about it so you leave it on.

NotMyStick

Date posted: 11w

Another approach is letting the anxiety pass. Without feeding into. Have you ever had a good friend or family member reveal something extremely embarrassing about you to another friend or a crush. That moment made you extremely anxious.. but you just sat or stood there in silence letting the anxiety pass. Trying not to think about it too much cause you didn’t want to embarrass yourself any further.. that’s pretty much what you have to do. Don’t think about it. Don’t feed into it. Feel anxious for a few minutes then it’ll disappear. If you do that enough times, your brain will recognize that you’re no longer afraid of the intrusive thoughts.

JTJR19

Date posted: 11w

I’ve never really thought of it like that before! That’s a really good point because that’s genuinely how it feels just more a hopeless feeling and a compulsion to talk to my girlfriend about every single thought, feeling etc. associated as well. But that is 100% exactly how it feels to be honest and learning to letting it pass is my goal

NotMyStick

Date posted: 11w

Yeah 100 % it’s still a work in progress for me, but I’ve recognized that’s what’s needed and I’m working towards it. Learn how to be comfortable in anxiety moments, and not dive headfirst into the torment caused by it. Once you figure that out the rest will come in time.

JTJR19

Date posted: 11w

That’s a great goal and definitely a great path forward that I feel would bring lots of comfort and confidence in myself. I’m glad it’s been working for you and it’s a noticeable positive difference that you can see in yourself. That’s super encouraging to hear.

NotMyStick

Date posted: 12w

When my HOCD started to fully develop last year. I questioned everything about my relationship with my wife. My intrusive thoughts were making me believe I was gay and convincing me that I have no interest in my wife’s whatsoever so get rid of her.. man that was a tough time

Be a part of the largest OCD Community

Share your thoughts so the Community can respond