Someone please reply Idk how to move on from this one. I’m scared I’ll feel like this forever. 2-4 years ago I made mistakes what if they come back to haunt me. I’ll never know until they do and that scares me. How do I keep living my life if I’m scared of worst case scenarios all the time. I feel like I need to confess to everyone so that if it does come back at least my friends and family won’t be so hurt by it idk what to do
What we all work towards as sufferers with OCD, is the idea of "maybe it will, maybe it won't." Which I know is infuriating when all you want is reassurance that it won't come back to haunt you. But we don't know, and neither do you. It's a tough pill to swallow, but we, as a community, are all trying to get to that point aswell.
To me that sounds like delusion, which is why I struggle to see that as a genuine solution long term. Hope I'm proven wrong someday.
@Dude01 It's either delusion or you take the black pill. I'd rather fight through my disorder even if it'll never go away than give up entirely. We have this for life. All we can do is delude ourselves into living through the discomfort.
I feel like i wrote this exact post lol. I know exactly what you mean. The thing is, things may come back to us later down the road, we can’t control that. What we can control is what we will do in response. When you expect something, and it happens, it’s ok, you are prepared. But we can’t dwell on the what ifs. See if your therapist will work with you on some ways to handle those situations should something come back to you. Focusing on the what ifs is ocd’s way of bringing us down. So perhaps just focus on the now, your progress, your current state of mind and behaviors. I once thought i should go back and apologize to a bunch of people as well. What I’ve realized is that i could, but it would not be conducive to healing. Rather than use the energy to go backwards and recount my every mistake, it is much more beneficial to work on what i currently have, who i am, and where i want to be. If something comes up later on and i need to make it right directly, then i do that. But my focus is forward and healing and being a better person. That’s how i can effectively make right all the wrongs I’ve done. We can’t change the past but we have the chance to change now and forward. Let that be your focus and motivation. Apologize by improving a little more every day. I hope that makes sense and helps with what you’re struggling with. I struggle with the same. The remorse we feel for our mistakes can be hell. If you’re like me, you may feel you deserve to feel that hell, but you don’t. You’re working on changing, being a better person. We all deserve to give ourselves that chance.🎗️
It’s true, we never know what will happen, but take the chance in confessing other things to the people in your life. Take the leap to confess you love them. Take the leap to say the things you never knew you’d have the strength to say, like “I can’t wait to go on a cruise with you one day” or whatever it may be. Take the leap. Your OCD won’t know what hit them. We all fear the worst case scenario. That’s not the problem. It’s the shame the alien, OCD part of you puts on you for thinking those things. Tell it to GET LOST. Over and over again until it starts to work.
Hey guys, for the past three months I’ve been obsessing over a mistake I made about 6 months ago, I constantly have panic attacks and wake up in fight or flight mode I have convinced myself that someone is gonna find me somehow and punish me. I have endlessly looked up reassurance that what I did wouldn’t get me in trouble or something, I have filled up 5 different ChatGPT chats and it tells me it’s 100% certain nothing will happen. But then I convince myself well everyone says not to trust it and then I just spiral again. The point is I’m just scared, I’ve convinced myself this isn’t OCD because it’s something I actually did wrong. I can’t stop looking for reassurance because that’s the only thing that makes me feel safe anymore. Everyone tells me, just say maybe, maybe not, but my brain has convinced me the stakes are too high. I’m too scared and I don’t know what to do.
I am so scared of everything .Of my thoughts.If I am a good person.Years ago I didnt help a kid who was in danger.Since then I started to have terrible thoughts :( i am so terrified.I still have these thoughts and I am scared it means something about me .I really dont want to hurt anyone and I want to help that kid now but idk how I can now.Also I am scared I betray everyone.I still have terrible thoughts and when I am with someone I care is worse...idk why.For example I started to talk with a collegue and he is really nice to me.I told him some things abt me( not the intrusive thoughts) and he was supportive.I have no idea if I will tell anyone abt my thoughts..and bcs of that I feel like I lie to them and betray them.I really want to enjoy my life and be happy and support people( especially because I didnt help that kid then).I want to live up to my morals now but I feel like I lie and manipulate people bcs I am a monster.Is this normal? To feel this way? What can I do? What if I am my worst fear and just cant accept it?!
This might be a bit disturbing but it’s been weighing on my mind. From all the posts I’ve made, I’ve talked about how I was influenced at a young age and saw things I shouldn’t have seen. A lot of it. I can’t remember much because it’s blurry and all muddy and in different timelines. Sometimes I genuinely don’t understand why I would do such a thing or how I could and I would constantly overanalyse things from the past. These things lead me to do things to myself out of trying to understand and curiosity and mimicking actions like kissing others in preschool. I made stupid mistakes I can’t take back and it weighs on me a lot. I don’t and can’t remember so much honestly but when I was at the age of 8, I inappropriately touched someone and it wasn’t out of harm but to understand why. What I did was wrong and the whole context of the situation is messed up but I knew to a certain degree it was wrong ( I spoke to this to my therapist who was very understanding and told me these things happen a lot when kids are young ) I remember at the time I felt guilt and realised I wanted to be a good person. I thought I was dammed for what I did and there was no coming back for me but I remember apologising to them and never doing it again. I had to keep this with me for so many years and it broke me a lot. I matured and realised my actions, spent time crying, thinking that maybe I shouldn’t be here, and was filled with a lot of shame and guilt with nobody to be there or know about this. I didn’t tell anyone because I was scared. I was scared to also be badly punished but eventually as time passed, the person passed away and nobody knew about the story. This year I began opening up and for the first time I opened up to people about this because I wasn’t doing good mentally and spent days—months ruminating, panicking, and thinking I was a monster for everything. I never thought I would but it was with people I trust who loved and accepted me. I told them the situation and how I felt. I told my therapist briefly and she told me we could continue this convo the next time and that I didn’t have to tell her everything but… It didn’t make sense to me. I felt like I needed to confess everything or else I was a fraud. I do definitely care about their justice ( justice overall ) for what happened to them regardless of them not being here and I’m beyond sorry that something like this happened to them because of my stupidity when I was younger. I try my best to be understanding and compassionate to myself but sometimes it’s all filled with hatred and shame and guilt but I’m trying. People say confessing makes things worst. I feel like this is something that needs to be confessed but Ive already admitted my actions, regrets and told others about this but yet it’s still there . I’m not an angel but I do know, these stupid past mistakes have made me more empathetic to people and not wanting things like this to happen to anyone. As I’ve grown I’ve realised how these things can distort your view of reality at a young age because now as I’m older, I understand so much more than my younger self would. Sometimes I don’t know what to say. I don’t know why I did certain things and people at my age were probably more matured and smarter than me. A lot of things happen in different timelines but I’ve matured so much and I understand my mistakes and the impact. I feel safe to talk about this to my therapist or here but to my family and others.. I don’t know what to say. I’ve made so many stupid mistakes and feel like I need to confess everything. I didn’t want to ever talk about this to anyone because I didn’t want to make things worst for people. This happened so many years back and I just didn’t want to bring the past into the present. I know that I have no right to really suggest this because that person was a victim. I don’t know what I should do. Confess? Or let it be in the past? I mean my therapist and close friends know about this.
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