- Username
- Anonymous
- Date posted
- 5y ago
Girl, I'm pretty much in the same boat. We just have to let the thoughts pass and leave the groinal alone. I've had this for 6 months and have tried every possible way to get rid of HOCD and the only way that's shown any recovery progress is seriously approaching HOCD with a careless attitude. "so what if I found a woman sexy/attractive" "I got a groinal from a female? So what, moving on" "I feel in denial? Okay, then I guess I'm in denial, moving on" "I feel the urge to break up with my bf? Alright I will, but I'll do it later" (not actually breaking up, but holding it off in a way??). It's definitely not easy to do though I understand, I have been there girl! But you have to develop the skill of living with uncertainty "this may happen, and it may not, but what I do know NOW is that I want to be with my boyfriend/fiancee". It will definitely feel like you're lying to yourself 100%. Every OCD sufferer feels this and its normal. But you just can't let these "feelings" bother you. Try your best to observe the thought rather than engage with it
Ugh you’re so right! I’ve been really trying. Like finding some of this stuff sexy isn’t the same as wanting to leave him. Thanks for your reply, HOCD is a literal mood-killer
Remember that like 90% of female arousal is about our brain, not our genitals. Pay attention to what your logical mind is saying, not your pants ❤️ wishing you the best, HOCD is so hard
It really is. Even more concerning for me is that I have enjoyed looking at boobs in the past, but not in the way of like wanting to have sex with them , more like how desirable that is to a man? Lol OCD and sexuality may be the worst combo ever. Not a fan.
@nervousanchovy99 Omg same ? I'm like "I guess I can understand why guys love them so much" because I used to be so confused why they found them so addictive?
@NocturnalGyal Yeah, I’m thinking the turn on for me is like shit if I had those guys would be going wild for me.
I'm going through the same thing. I'm also having trouble with sexual disfunction. Now I get so scared that I won't be able to feel anything and that it means something if I don't, that I don't lmao. I get aroused and then the "what if" thoughts come in and my body shuts down. It sucks. I haven't told my boyfriend about the sexual disfunction altogether because I don't want him to be self conscious. I really love him and personally my favorite part of being intimate with him is being close to him and him being happy. Its It's starting not to matter so much and things are slowly going back to normal.
Hey I feel you! While sex is hard, the intimacy and closeness I feel after is incomparable.
I should add that sex used to be normal before hocd.
Same
Same ?
I wouldn’t worry about it! What you’re describing sounds totally normal to me - this is coming from another straight female (also engaged to the man of my dreams). I think we are turned on by more things than most people are willing to admit. You sound totally normal to me - just stressing about stuff we don’t talk about. ❤️
Thank you!! Congrats on your engagement!! I’m excited to be with him, I just need to get past like “oh I can’t look at him and get turned on” and enjoy what does turn me on with him. Thanks for your response!
@nervousanchovy99 You are very welcome and know you are not alone. I was talking with my mom about something similar once and she said “sex doesn’t have to be shooting stars and rainbows every time” - it made me realize I’m putting too much pressure on myself to have it be a certain way. Hang in there lady, this too shall pass.
@nervousanchovy99 And thank you! You too!
It’s so hard!
I get it. I mean I’ve only been with one guy and I’ve always had this sense of anxiety around sex so it’s been a ride for me. But, at least you know that you’ve had normal, non-anxiety sex before and you’ll have it again!
I hope. Sometimes I still get scared that it won't go back to how it was. I think if that was the case I could deal though honestly.
@hateocd123 ❤️ you are much stronger than you know. Hang in there and don’t let OCD win
@nervousanchovy99 Thank you; you too! ❤
Hey I am here and I suffer form same. It’s sucks but I PROMISE you it’s gonna be better. We can not lose hope there is gonna be better moments
Okay so I have been struggling with HOCD for so fucking long. I never felt like I had crushes on boys growing up but I wasn’t attracted to girls either (this was through 5th grade). Until 6th grade hit. I remember it like it was yesterday. I had the thought walking up the stairs and it was “You’re lesbian.” And ever since that thought was there and I fought it I have been dealing with all types of OCD ever since (been going on for 7 years). And only this year I found it was OCD. But it’s hard because I don’t know if I’m actually gay or I convinced myself I’m gay because I gave up and gave in. Now whenever I see I pretty girl I feel tingling. And I wanted to prove to myself that I wasn’t a lesbian so I look up pretty pictures of girls with their boobs out and I loved it. And I wanna make out with a girl so intensely. But then at the same I don’t wanna be in a relationship with a girl and I wanna marry a guy and I just desperately wanted to be like by a guy. But I get so horny whenever girls are in bikinis and stuff. But I have OCD and I’m so confused.
Hi guys, Straight female here. Having a tough night. I guess I'm ruminating on how this OCD started, I was browsing an app and came across half naked anime girls and I guess sexual images in general arouse me (I'm not sure why), but then I froze and told myself "oh my God, I must be a lesbian and I can't be with my boyfriend anymore." Ever since then, I've been checking and checking and checking some more. I've managed to not research anything (which I'm proud of), but it's just so unbearable, I'm worried I'm somehow in denial or something because the thoughts at first didn't really give me much anxiety but now I'm very stressed out. I keep thinking about my past and if I was a normal "straight" person, and wondering if I'm somehow actually a lesbian. I keep having awful dreams about it. Ironically, I can still be intimate with my boyfriend and somewhat enjoy sex but other times not so much and my brain tells me I am lying to myself. I keep trying to reassure myself that I'm not homosexual. I can't even fall asleep tonight. I checked my stress levels on my health app and its through the roof. I just want to feel like I used to and be confident about my identity, but my brain tells me that I only enjoyed sex with my boyfriend back then because it was new and exciting and just a fling. Before all this, I was only ever attracted to men and only had male crushes. Now, I find it hard to even understand what's going on and I find more comfort in wondering if I'm just asexual so that I don't have to deal with it. I'm physically shaking writing about this because I feel so hopeless. Just a few hours ago, I thought I had a breakthrough and I was feeling alright. I accepted the thoughts as they were and I was going along with it. But now it's triggered again because I'm not sure if they're intrusive thoughts or me being in denial, because I keep having to reassure myself that I'm not homosexual and that I'm attracted to men. The guilt of how it all started is keeping me from moving on because it is somehow proof that I am not straight. This is awful. It feels good to write it out. Thanks for reading.
Hi all, I'm new here and I guess self diagnosed or unsure of if I have HOCD. So I'd just like to get my story out there and just see if it's relatable at all or if I'm just denying my feelings, if anyone can respond..(sorry for a long one) It's been causing me a lot of stress lately and it can't shake the constant loop of thoughts like "Am I a lesbian", "you're not boy crazy so you must not be attracted to men", " you fit these stereotypes so that must mean you are". It all started when I was young like 13/14 when I had watched lesbian porn online accidentally at first and then I had watched a few more because it was the first time I had watched porn at all, let alone same sex porn. So I guess I was curious at the time and like you read "sexual things can cause a sexual response". So I was fine with what I watched but then like a few years later it was like, you watched that video and had a sexual response that must mean you liked it and want to be in that type of relationship. And that really stuck in my head. I began thinking about how I've never had a boyfriend and never felt like my friends when they would be drooling over boys, but I just assumed that having a boyfriends was something I'd get when I was older and like ready. Like I did have crushes, but also had low self esteem and just assumed that no guy would ever like me. Additionally I don't think I've ever looked at another girl and felt attracted to them or the need to be with them. But then reading things online caused me to doubt that. Anyways the thoughts come and go and sometimes I'm able to tune them out for months or years, but recently I have been really stressed about them. I currently have a boyfriend and I enjoy spending time and being with him. But these thoughts have been causing a lot of anxiety with respect to my relationship because then I think am I just dating him to his my feelings,I'm just stringing him along and using him. But I know that I don't want to break up. I find that I am searching stuff online a lot to try and find an answer, and then reading all those things makes me compare myself. Like the stereotypes and things I put to myself like oh I like playing sports that's a masculine thing, and how I dress and I don't find myself pretty or dainty so that must mean I'm not girly. It's a thought overload and making me so anxious because I feel like I don't know myself anymore and that I fear I've been lying to everyone if I figure out that I'm not straight. and like even if I thought I was bisexual that would be okay because that doesn't completely eliminate dating men, and I could still only date men. But being completely on the other end of the spectrum would feel like I'd have to completely shift my thoughts to fit and make these looped thoughts go away. I guess all I want to know is if this is normal or if it's ocd at all, am I just lying to myself or trying to hide my true self because I'm afraid of the consequence?? And I know that reassurance seeking which I shouldn't do hahah but this is my first time seeking ocd help and I may not get a therapist soon because of where I live.
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