does anyone else have childhood memories they remember and think maybe these were signs of them being lesbian? if so would you be comfortable sharing? these are becoming some of my worst intrusive thoughts at the moment because they convince me that this isn’t even ocd and i’ve clearly been this way my whole life.
Yes lol. I watched lesbian p*rn as a kid. I identify as straight and didn’t ever think about it until SOOCD started. One of my biggest triggers by far!!!
@LV4523 Yeah same!
@mhassan0117 That was actually pretty common (I think)… some of my friends did the same. It’s just extra triggering for me now! You’re not alone!
@LV4523 Same here
Me too 😭 and a huge part of me regrets ever watching it as a kid.
@Tiny Turtle Me too. We shouldn’t though. It was apart of exploration at the time. I talked about it with my therapist nad she told me to think about it as a way that I explored my sexuality at one point. And that doesn’t have to be a bad thing, it just happened. And that’s ok!
@LV4523 thank you for sharing it means a lot. i did the exact same and it’s definitely something my brain likes to cling to too! OCD sucks but i always try to tell myself that these things are normal and okay and i was just a child but definitely hard when intrusive thoughts are constant. i hope your okay and it’s really nice to hear that someone is going through/ has gone through a similar thing :)
@Tiny Turtle me too! definitely a huge regret but then again we have to remember OCD is the only reason we regret it, there have probably been so many people who have done similar things in their childhood and moved on just knowing they were just exploring, but OCD forces us to cling to it! i hope your okay and thank you for replying 🫶🏼
@layla__\ That's very kind of you, I hope you're doing okay too. It helps to know that we're all not alone no matter how isolating this can be. 🫶🏻
I remember thinking for a while that being gay was illegal (not sure where this even came from, my family was very accepting) so my OCD brain has taken that to mean I have internalized homophobia which is a sign that I’m actually gay. I also hugged a guy friend once in 1st grade and felt weird which my brain loves to go back to as suppressed homosexuality. Can’t win.
@Ringbear internalised homophobia is definitely a huge rumination point for me aswell and manages to convince me i’m faking my OCD and really i’m just homophobic! it’s a horrible thought when i know im not and makes me feel hugely guilty for the lgbt community. we just have to remember it’s the OCD forcing us to think over and over on points that will force us to ‘realise’ something and get an answer once and for all. i hope your okay and hearing that someone is going through a similar thing can help slightly! :)
If you don’t want to be with a woman, you are not a lesbian. I know it’s hard to know if you do want that or not but you are not your thoughts and your thoughts don’t mean anything about you
@aaliyahfields400 thank you for this!
It’s normal to wonder about your sexuality, but the part that feels urgent and scary (like you MUST figure it out right now) is the OCD. The focus in ERP therapy is learning to sit with the uncertainty and practice not engaging with those compulsive checks. You don’t need to find a perfect answer in order to move forward.
Yeah, since I was 12
As I’ve posted before, my friends has developed TOUGH hocd and has hit rock bottom :// She told me to ask y’all here if any of you have had a similar experience NOT reassurance (she doesn’t have NOCD). “Hi NOCD community. When I was like 5 I had this distant female cousin whom I played with and grew up. She had super short hair like a boy, but we low key had same interests in toys/tv series etc. and then at THAT age I got a very weird though which said: do you like her? And I remember getting a lot of anxiety and my stomach hurting cause why tf would I have that kind of thought about my female cousin? I remember ruminating about it the whole day, and the next day that thought disappeared and I never had that thought again. We grew up and obviously she’s my family like my sister. But now that I have HOCD, I keep thinking about that memory and I have so much anxiety about it and cry often about it. While growing up I’ve only had crushes on tons of boys at school etc. has anyone had a similar experience?” Thanks for reading if u did! We need support 😭🙏🏻
As I’ve posted before, my friends has developed TOUGH hocd and has hit rock bottom :// She told me to ask y’all here if any of you have had a similar experience NOT reassurance (she doesn’t have NOCD). “Hi NOCD community. When I was like 5 I had this distant female cousin whom I played with and grew up. She had super short hair like a boy, but we low key had same interests in toys/tv series etc. and then at THAT age I got a very weird though which said: do you like her? And I remember getting a lot of anxiety and my stomach hurting cause why tf would I have that kind of thought about my female cousin? I remember ruminating about it the whole day, and the next day that thought disappeared and I never had that thought again. We grew up and obviously she’s my family like my sister. But now that I have HOCD, I keep thinking about that memory and I have so much anxiety about it and cry often about it. While growing up I’ve only had crushes on tons of boys at school etc. has anyone had a similar experience?” Thanks for reading if u did! We need support 😭🙏🏻
I never read someone talk about this so I wanted to know if it applies to anyone as well. For context: I deal with ROCD and SOCD but I do identify as straight and am in a (happy) relationship with a man. What often triggers me is memories about childhood and adolescences about having the groinal toward nudity in porn or music videos. Because I can’t deny having watched other things than straight porn and experimenting with porn I simply can’t stop trying to figure out what that might have meant and if i deep down have actually a other sexual orientation than the one that I feel comfortable identifying with. I only hear people talking about random triggers but never the REAL memory of arousal to pornography and so on.
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