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You're not alone. This is something I've been struggling with since my relapse. It certainly doesn't help when it feels so real. Fantasising about being in a romantic relationship with a guy was something I've been doing my whole life, since I was just a little kid. Now that SO-OCD has taken over, I've been feeling averse to the idea and it makes me really anxious and scared too.

It’s soooo hard isn’t it! I’ve been single for 2 years and have been so happy! I’ve had a few drunken on night stands and a few crushes on men so was feeling good again until someone who actually seems really nice has been messaging me a lot in the last few days and I’ve started freaking out! I feel sick like there’s something wrong with me and I don’t feel attracted to him when surely I should I mean I haven’t met him for real yet but my anxiety is making me not excited for his messages! But he seems like such a good guy….he wants to meet for coffee/dinner but I don’t know how I’d even get myself there with how I’m feeling right now I just want to delete him and run! And now it’s making me question my whole life again 😩😩😩

I thought I was fine! Like I was talking to a guy like last year and was excited when he text but he wasn’t quick at responding ..,.this guy responds straight away and it’s terrifying me 😫 why am I like this 😫 why am I only attracted to unavailable men….is it cause I’m really as lesbian? I feel like I’ve had those thoughts a lot of my adult life but I sometimes get a clear moment where I’m just like oh I’m turned on by idea of sex but romantically deffo wanna be with a man ….why am I spiralling? I can’t work or eat….and I literally was with a different guy on Saturday who I was drunkenly with and really wanted him to messsge me more? Why am I now freaking out when a nice guy is messaging and actually wanting to meet up?! Help!!

Don’t loose hope mam i know ocd is tricky pls don’t let your emotions be your enemy see ocd as a different thing and you as a different thing that might help you

I have the same theme as you. I used to think about being with a boy all the time, and I absolutely loved it, it was my favorite thing to do. Now, whenever I look at a boy and I’m like “wow he’s hot” my ocd is telling me “it’s just aesthetic attraction, you are just thinking you like him because you don’t want to be gay.” This is so hard