I really relate to comphet i just feel defeated

@anonymous00001 Yes any words of encouragement please, i have so much evidence that would led me to be a lesbian but i dont want to be. And i just feel any attraction ive felt to men is fake or forced.

@O.C.D 123 The whole comphet conversation online in my opinion has completely gone out of control. As social creatures, we ABSOLUTELY are products of our environment. We absolutely get influenced by the kind of hetero-normative relationships we see around us. But, the nuance here is that even if a small part of a relationship began or is sustained by a societal expectation, it does not make it “fake”. Those are very black and white terms and I see a lot of people struggle with this, and I have also struggled with it. Here’s the other side of the coin: as queerness becomes more mainstream and accepted and dissected, we as humans are also going to be influenced by that societal concept. We try to cram our feelings and relationships into black and white boxes like “lesbian” “straight” “bisexual” “comphet” “straight-passing”, etc because of these societal concepts. Don’t get me wrong, it’s been helpful and progressive as a society to name these things and try to categorize them because before, these kinds of feelings and relationships were punished and destroyed. But…it is my experience and belief that a large majority of humans just don’t fit into clean categories. And it creates a lot of anxiety when we try to do this. It might sound like “oh no…I felt <insert feeling here>, that must negate this entire other human experience I had!” Or “If I’m <this category of person>, that means I CAN’T have <this kind of feeling>.” To me, this is very limiting. If trying on a different label, or exploring a new kind of partner or experience feels empowering to you, maybe try it out. But, if those ideas feel too scary or limiting, the very least you can do is just give yourself some compassion and maybe saying “Hey, I don’t need to punish myself for having these feelings.” Or “I can hold my love for this person AND my feelings or fantasies, one does not have to negate the other” That kind of compassion for yourself will lead you wherever you need to go. You’re a human being having a human experience. ❤️

@anonymous00001 This applied to someone in a relationship, but I just thought I’d share related to Comphet. I feel pretty strongly that humans go through periods where we are exploring things for ourselves, especially as young people. It can be easy to fall into the trap of trying to remember perfectly what happened, or to apply a past action to your current self, or to over-analyze our present reactions and feelings. These are all OCD patterns. BUT, it is also my opinion that the more space we make for the gray areas, the more compassion we give ourselves when we were young and trying to understand the world, the less OCD will be able to grab onto evidence. We can accept these parts of ourselves basically without allowing it to change our whole identity. Does that make sense?

@anonymous00001 That makes sense thank you! Im trying hard to sit with uncertainty just alot of stuff in the past that in my brain wont allow me to get past in terms of being a lesbian. Thanks for the words hopefully i will be able to tackle this once and for all. I have had this theme on and off since i was 15 im 21 and honestly had glimpses earlier in life too.