tw: coercion

a few months ago, as a teenager (19) i was in a weird fwb with someone who was 28-29. there was a situation where i couldve coerced them into something. not outright, but like a gray area in terms of pushing boundaries because i misread the situation as teasing or needing to prove myself in a sxual manner. i did express to the person throughout the whole interaction how i was worried i was making them uncomfortable, eventually they told me they didn’t feel coerced or assaulted but they did not want to do it at first and they felt “seduced” or like they “gave in”. we both wanted to please each other but didn’t want the other to please one another if that makes sense. when the actual act happened it was on his terms and he gave the okay for it to happen, but what led up to it was me still asking even though he said no cause he was sweaty after the gym. me and this person no longer speak but i just got reminded of the situation and i dont really know how to move on without drowning in shame or avoiding accountability. i don’t really feel like i want reassurance just maybe advice .

King Silly

Date posted: 5w

I’m scared this happened to me too, but the other way around with my boyfriend. However, I don’t believe anything wrong happened because you both consented so? I don’t really see an issue

dee012

Date posted: 5w

@King Silly I don’t know what to do ;(

King Silly

Date posted: 5w

@dee012 The best way to handle this. Is try to accept it, IK it’s easier said than done

King Silly

Date posted: 5w

@dee012 from reading the post I instantly knew something and that tells me that you might be seeking reassurance

dee012

Date posted: 5w

@King Silly I don’t really know how to accept it. I don’t want to avoid accountability by acting like nothing wrong happened, but I also don’t want to accuse myself of smthng serious like rpe or assault or even coercion. I am just having a hard time because I am bias to my own assumptions if that make sense

King Silly

Date posted: 5w

@dee012 You accept it by accepting the fact that maybe you did or maybe didn’t do something wrong, I know it’s hard but it can get easier overtime.

dee012

Date posted: 5w

@King Silly Okay. Thank you. I will try

King Silly

Date posted: 5w

@dee012 It’s not avoiding accountability, you only are when the person demands you to apologize and you don’t

OutstandingC...

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 5w

Can you accept that this was a gray area and move on? That would be the best ERP approach to take

dee012

Date posted: 5w

@OutstandingCutieDisorder I was until I saw a post that said gray areas do not exist and that gives offenders leeway to do what they want or test how far they can go so I spiraled a bit :(. I am trying to just accept and move on

OutstandingC...

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 5w

@dee012 Maybe that person is right, maybe they’re not. Choose to move forward anyway

dee012

Date posted: 5w

@OutstandingCutieDisorder Ahhh! I hate this response but it’s not because of you. It’s because erp is so hard but it is a great reminder that that’s the only way to free myself of this. Thank u

OutstandingC...

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 5w

@dee012 I know it’s hard!! You can do it

gorillazlove...

Date posted: 5w

Hi, I saw your post asking for a response, and I know how hard it is to be dealing with this alone. At least in my experience, OCD makes you over-analyze every moment and builds on it to make it seem even worse. OCD will do anything to make sure YOU end up feeling awful, and a lot of the time it really works. First of all, don't get caught in the spiral. I know it is MUCH easier said than done, as I'm currently dealing with the aftermath of the worst OCD moment of my life at the moment and all I want to do is make myself feel as horrible as possible- but please don't. A bad or actually creepy person would not feel bad about what you described. Allow yourself forgiveness and allow yourself to let go. You can't change anything now and it won't do any good to leave yourself stuck on this. If multiple people on here could read this and not think that you're a bad person, please realize that you don't have to make yourself feel like one or stress yourself out over this when you shouldn't. Go outside, or even just eat something spicy or cold to drive yourself out of this. You are okay, even if it feels like the exact opposite right now.

dee012

Date posted: 5w

@gorillazlover123 Thank you so much for this kind response. I appreciate you all so much. These comments help me realize how much I am spiraling and that the only way to move on is to accept this with uncertainty. I am clearly upset about this because I wish I would’ve acted better but that doesn’t mean I need to spiral into calling myself a rpist . I am sorry u are going through ur own ocd spiral. It does truly suck. Thank you again for ur comment

gorillazlove...

Date posted: 5w

@dee012 of course, i am soso glad i could help and your thoughts on it are spot on :) thank you for your kinds words as well, i know how awful it is to be stuck in something- we got this 🫶🏻🫶🏻

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