- Date posted
- 5y ago
- Date posted
- 5y ago
Same :(
- Date posted
- 5y ago
It makes me think I don’t actually want that and I’d rather want a girl. Ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
- Date posted
- 5y ago
same. Ocd is telling me that the only way is to try it out.
- Date posted
- 5y ago
@elleeen Same. Like what if I did go in a date with a girl and liked it and then could eat puss. Ew but yeah what if
- Date posted
- 5y ago
@Ocdandme123 yeah same. I hate it
- Date posted
- 5y ago
How did your hocd start ? Dont worry I have it too
- Date posted
- 5y ago
It was little events led up to another in about a month. I came across a pretty girl on ig and in the pic she was with a girl and went to her page and saw she was a lesbian which I have looked at lesbian ig pages before out of curiosity ig but never felt anything. Anyways, I came across a post about her coming out and she said she broke up with he bf of 5 years after she made out with a girl that was gay and it immidistely started my anxiety. Then a couple weeks after that, my coworkers bf made a comment about me and her being lesbian together and I laughed it off not worrying about anything. It made me uncomfortable because she was pretty but that’s it and then I had a friend stay over and the next morning she was sleeping and I was getting ready and the thought came in my mind if I could be okay with a girl sleeping in my bed and I was like “what a weird thought” and then the next day, I had a girl do laser hair removal on my lady parts and it made me so nervous and sweaty and anxious and that night was the night where the intrusive thought came in my brain out of now where like a tornado asking if I could be gay. Never ever before any of this did I ever think twice about my sexuality. I have been with guys my whole life. It has been awful. I’m so fucking confused and pissed off. And because it wasn’t one specific thing that happened but a couple little things after a little time period, it makes me think it’s not hocd. ???? but when it came out of no where it was just BAM and the week it came out of nowhere I ended up missing work and in the er because of how sick I was from puking and not eating or sleeping from worrying myself sick. And ever since it has been awful. And I’ve had my bf for a year and I’ve been dealing with this for only two months
- Date posted
- 5y ago
@Ocdandme123 so the part where you said the girl broke up with her bf after making out with a girl is a trigger for me because i think that’s gonna happen to me. like my hocd makes me think that i’m gay or bi and i don’t know it. so i’ve thought before what if i kiss a girl like that’s the only way to find out but then i think no that’s weird for me and i get uncomfortable but then i’m like omg is that because i secretly want to kiss a girl and i get freaked out
- Date posted
- 5y ago
@kaysf Well if it makes you feel better, I’ve made out with probably about 15+ girls while drinking before and never thought anything about this and never phased me and now I think if I ever do now, my life will change forever. It’s still a huge trigger to me ?.
- Date posted
- 5y ago
@Ocdandme123 yea but it scares me that one day i’m gonna do that and end up liking it and realize i’m gay or bi
- Date posted
- 5y ago
@kaysf Me too. That’s one of my main thoughts. That a girl will randomly kiss me and I’ll actually like it and realize I’m into that. I’m right there woth you. It’s so hard for me thinking that’s how I’ll leave my bf. I understand. You’re not alone :( hang in there! ❤️
- Date posted
- 5y ago
Mine started out of nowhere in college I was on ig and i couldn't get a erection while trying to masturbate to this girls page and the thought popped in what if your gay and then BAM like something clicked in my brain. At that time I was in a very sexual relationship with a girl and it was awesome until that. That was 6 years ago and i still have hocd
- Date posted
- 5y ago
How has it been these past 6 years? Anxiety? Dating? Sex life? Therapy? Meds? Lol sorry if that’s too much
- Date posted
- 5y ago
Tough its been an adventure to say the least. But im still alive, I'll go into a lot of detail if u want me to. This app didnt exist for me when mine first started so im happy to share my experience
- Date posted
- 5y ago
Yes please :)
- Date posted
- 5y ago
In high school i was kind of a prude when it came to going any further then hooking up with girls, never thought anything of it even tho I would always hook up with a lot of girls. Then I met my girlfriend who I eventually lost my virginity too it was awesome. I loved sex and had it all the time. I never thought anything of it... we dated for 2 years then I went to college she went to another college. We still dated but one of the first days in college I had my first panic attack in my dorm. I didn't know what it was.... after that I was nervous I'd get another one.. I was studying for my first final when i tried masturbating to a picture of a girl on Instagram... I couldn't get a boner then the thought popped into my head does this mean your gay? Literally my whole world flipped after that it felt like something in my brain flipped. After that the word gay gay gay rang in my head every second of everyday. I had to watch the way I spoke the way I walked what i dressed what music I listened watched on tv so people wouldn't think i was gay. I couldn't look men in the eyes my attraction for girls went away and my mind told me that I liked every man i passed. I would check men and women to test my attractions. I couldn't have normal conversations with men I thought my life was a lie. Meanwhile I still had a girlfriend. I would get images of penises in my head and graphic images of me doing sexual things to men and them doing things to me. I'd get the sensation that guys were kissing me etc. I would check my groin my looking at men in their but and groin area but i would always get sick to my stomach. I couldn't talk to gay people or be near then thinking i would want to eventually be gay. And it was hard having sex with my girlfriend because when i did i would get images of it being a man. Also I got the feelings that men were doing me in the but too along with the false erections... I went to a school therapist she couldn't help me then a sex specialist she couldn't help me...
- Date posted
- 5y ago
My anxiety like this lasted for 3 straight years I could barely function barely eat barely sleep then I found that alcohol was the only time I felt "normal"
- Date posted
- 5y ago
when i drank beer it made me feel normal so that became a compulsion which eventually led to an addiction which is another story. I was put on Prozac, lexapro, abilify and welbutrin, luvox and now I'm on Prozac anafranil and an antipsychotic which i think is helping me. I went to an ocd specialist and was finally diagnosed with OCD and mdd
- Date posted
- 5y ago
but i went to therapists who asked me if i was molested as a kid or that I should experiment with men and some that said they couldn't help me. Some I think got offended that I was so against beinng gay but in reality I have nothing against gay people
- Date posted
- 5y ago
But i had sex with a lot of girls after me an my girlfriend broke up with me always being drunk so the "thoughts " wouldn't come. Then I found a girl who i made my girlfriend and i tried telling her about my hocd it was just hard she didn't get it but accepted it. That ended now I'm single wishing for a girlfriend to date. I want to have kids and stuff but I'm afraid no one will ever accept me with hocd or that my kids could have ocd which is my worst fear
- Date posted
- 5y ago
Also my hocd made me think i had crushes on my lifelong friends too
- Date posted
- 5y ago
I feel all of that but opposite gender! It truly is awful and I wish for you to get through it! I want a family and husband and kids too and that’s what’s pushing me through. I’m sorry you’ve dealt with it so long. I can’t even imagine and I’ve only had it for 2 months and it’s been the worst two months of my life. Idk of it would be easier if I was single or not. Idk. Sometimes I think it would then sometimes I think it would be harder. My bf is so great to me through all of this. I hate putting it on him. I wish this never happened to me. Or you. Or any of us. I was so confident and never questioned my sexuality before this. I feel like I only notice girls now and it ducks. It’s awful. I hope we push through and live happy lives woth what we want!
Related posts
- Date posted
- 13w ago
Idk what else to title this. I was watching a film cooper video cuz why not and he mentioned smthn about wall paper customization and icons and stuff and I just kinda had a groinal response followed by the memory of me having my first crush on a woman (my friend at the time) that helped me figure out that I’m bi and I felt kinda intensely for her but that’s cuz a) it was new and b) we were kinda on again off again friends who haven’t spoken in a few years now and I’m over her entirely. It was toxic I think. She was too much like the person who bullied me in elementary school (they were friends as well so my mom made me cut her off which is. Fair. Made me really sad but eh that’s life) I saw her at prom cuz someone brought her. It was nice to see her but yeah that was it. And now I’m mentally comparing what I felt for women in the past (idk intense crush, listening to a lot of gay songs (think she by dodie) dressing semi masc cuz funky, we had nicknames for each other despite not dating or anything) to men (less intense crush but still big crush, I’ve only dated and kissed men so sparks rhere) and now I’m just slightly nauseous and worried that I don’t like men as much as I like women but I think that’s normal for any bi person? To have different levels of attraction to different genders? Idk I feel gross and icky now like I shouldn’t even be thinking about it or her cuz I have a bf. And I do look fondly upon it, now I’m nervous cuz I got more excited about her calling me a specific nickname than I do from my bf calling me honey even at the beginning? Honey felt more traditional and I love it but we do switch around nicknames and it’s always nice, not many butterflies anymore, and sometimes I get anxious when he does lately, if it’s a nickname in Portuguese. Or if he called me a shortened version of my name. What does that mean? I’m nervous now. I was doing half decently today now I’m nauseous again. I’m worried that cuz I liked the nicknames she and I had that means I don’t like the ones my bf and I have and that I just don’t like him or men cuz I’ve been feeling off around him. But I love when he calls me honey, it still feels good when he does it now but no butterflies. Idk what’s wrong with me. Is it even ocd at this point. Even if I do like women slightly more it doesn’t erase that I love my bf. I’m worried I’m leaning too much towards women tho and I’m a lesbian. Idk if my bi cycle is cycling or if I’m just a lesbian entirely cuz I don’t feel much when my bf takes off his shirt, sex feels different, and things feel stale and slow. But maybe that’s cuz I’m checking and comparing. Now I’m anxious fuck. I’m trying not to think about her idk why. I’m worried I still find her attractive or am attracted to her or smthn. She’s in my city. I didn’t care before but now I do. Or if I think about her I’ll think about other women and will only want to have sec with women which not really tbh. I wanna be able to enjoy sec with my bf. It just hasn’t felt right lately cuz I’ve been so depressed and obsessive. I wasn’t obsessing much last night when we had sex but it still didn’t feel passionate. It didn’t feel uncomfortable but I thought it’d be more? Idk. I know it’s normal to not feel him inside me cuz the vagina isn’t very nerved up compared to the clitoris but it felt like more the motions. But tbh. I needed it. Idk I wanted to have sex and it was a nice stress relief. I just didn’t feel butterflies which kinda bummed me out but we’ve been having sex since august so that’s normal. Idk. I haven’t been able to fantasize about sex. The fact that I’m bi makes all of this so confusing. Cuz yes hypothetically I can enjoy the thought of sex with a woman. But I don’t want to rn cuz I’m dating a man. And I can’t fantasize about sex with him cuz I’m getting intrusive thoughts about my friends and I having sex. I have this urge to watch porn cuz it’s been a while but I’m not going to. I’ve cut down a lot on masturbation. Partially cuz this partially cuz I wanna do things with my bf (when I’m mentally ok) but jow my brain is saying “Oo you think all these women are so hot you’re gonna go feral blah blah blah” and yes women are hot but I don’t wanna have sex with a woman. Idk saying women are hot doesn’t bring me anxiety but the thought of sex with one or leaving my bf and saying I’m a lesbian bother me. Cuz I know it’s not true. I love him I know that. I’d be happy if we stayed together. I wouldn’t regret a thing honestly. I like having sex with him. Idc if it’s not like porn or the movies. As long as I’m being pleasured and he’s being pleasured we’re good. That’s what sex is about. I think the loss of butterflies is normal cuz the excitement of like (sorry tmi) fingering and oral eventually wears off right? But still feels good. I don’t feel as excited about intimacy anymore cuz we have done it so often but it still feels nice. But my brain perceives that as me not liking sex with men and therefore I’m gay. No I just don’t feel the need to jump his bones every single time I see him?? Idk the friend thing is bothering me. Idk if I feel any joy behind it. The groinal response really really throws my perception off
- Students with OCD
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- Date posted
- 11w ago
I’m 25 and never ever thought this before my soocd relapse. I have a bf of 5 years. Never been a high libido kinda girl. Don’t get me wrong I do get turned on by my bf but not like every day you know? - That had always been in the back of my head, is this normal and ok? But my ocd has latched onto the most scariest what if EVER. My brain is now saying How do you know you won’t prefer to sleep and kiss girls if you haven’t tried it: and it’s that unknown that is scaring the shit out of me. I DONT AND NEVER HAVE wanted to sleep / kiss a girl. But now my intrusive thoughts is all I think about!!! I don’t want I don’t want I don’t want??? So why does my brain think BUT WHAT IF??? I know ocd thrives off uncertainty which is why I think this is happening? But I don’t wanna find out or work it out because all I want is to be with my bf and marry him!! Is this just the epitome of OCD?
- Mid-life adults with OCD
- "Pure" OCD
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- Relationship OCD
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- Date posted
- 9w ago
Sorry long post. Anyone feel like now they’re just in extreme denial. Like when I was little I noticed guys more than girls in movies and was more drawn to them. I remember changing my mindset to switch that. 98%of my life has been straight until recently. I felt drawn to some guys but never thought of it sexually. Always had girl crushes dreams and porn. Now I watch porn and I feel like straight takes longer and then I go and watch gay porn and feel nothing until I tell myself it’s two attractive dudes and love is love and imagine physical sensations and then it hits like suddenly. Like I have to convince myself it’s alright. Then when I try again I can do all that but feel nothing and then straight porn works. Idk if it’s just getting a fix or the first time works with anything or what but it’s confusing. On top of that I’ve felt girl relationships including my wife maybe miss something and a guy maybe matches that feeling that but then I feel like I’d be missing something without a girl or my wife. Idk I’ve had some rough times in life with male figures in my life but idk. I feel like I have to convince myself more and more that I’m straight even more than the first time I dealt with this. Can someone relate? Please
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