Ocdandme123
- Date posted
- 5y
AsnkuAsnku
- Date posted
- 5y
Same :(
Ocdandme123Ocdandme123
- Date posted
- 5y
It makes me think I don’t actually want that and I’d rather want a girl. Ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
elleeenelleeen
- Date posted
- 5y
same. Ocd is telling me that the only way is to try it out.
Ocdandme123Ocdandme123
- Date posted
- 5y
@elleeen Same. Like what if I did go in a date with a girl and liked it and then could eat puss. Ew but yeah what if
elleeenelleeen
- Date posted
- 5y
@Ocdandme123 yeah same. I hate it
js94js94
- Date posted
- 5y
How did your hocd start ? Dont worry I have it too
Ocdandme123Ocdandme123
- Date posted
- 5y
It was little events led up to another in about a month. I came across a pretty girl on ig and in the pic she was with a girl and went to her page and saw she was a lesbian which I have looked at lesbian ig pages before out of curiosity ig but never felt anything. Anyways, I came across a post about her coming out and she said she broke up with he bf of 5 years after she made out with a girl that was gay and it immidistely started my anxiety. Then a couple weeks after that, my coworkers bf made a comment about me and her being lesbian together and I laughed it off not worrying about anything. It made me uncomfortable because she was pretty but that’s it and then I had a friend stay over and the next morning she was sleeping and I was getting ready and the thought came in my mind if I could be okay with a girl sleeping in my bed and I was like “what a weird thought” and then the next day, I had a girl do laser hair removal on my lady parts and it made me so nervous and sweaty and anxious and that night was the night where the intrusive thought came in my brain out of now where like a tornado asking if I could be gay. Never ever before any of this did I ever think twice about my sexuality. I have been with guys my whole life. It has been awful. I’m so fucking confused and pissed off. And because it wasn’t one specific thing that happened but a couple little things after a little time period, it makes me think it’s not hocd. ???? but when it came out of no where it was just BAM and the week it came out of nowhere I ended up missing work and in the er because of how sick I was from puking and not eating or sleeping from worrying myself sick. And ever since it has been awful. And I’ve had my bf for a year and I’ve been dealing with this for only two months
kaysfkaysf
- Date posted
- 5y
@Ocdandme123 so the part where you said the girl broke up with her bf after making out with a girl is a trigger for me because i think that’s gonna happen to me. like my hocd makes me think that i’m gay or bi and i don’t know it. so i’ve thought before what if i kiss a girl like that’s the only way to find out but then i think no that’s weird for me and i get uncomfortable but then i’m like omg is that because i secretly want to kiss a girl and i get freaked out
Ocdandme123Ocdandme123
- Date posted
- 5y
@kaysf Well if it makes you feel better, I’ve made out with probably about 15+ girls while drinking before and never thought anything about this and never phased me and now I think if I ever do now, my life will change forever. It’s still a huge trigger to me ?.
kaysfkaysf
- Date posted
- 5y
@Ocdandme123 yea but it scares me that one day i’m gonna do that and end up liking it and realize i’m gay or bi
Ocdandme123Ocdandme123
- Date posted
- 5y
@kaysf Me too. That’s one of my main thoughts. That a girl will randomly kiss me and I’ll actually like it and realize I’m into that. I’m right there woth you. It’s so hard for me thinking that’s how I’ll leave my bf. I understand. You’re not alone :( hang in there! ❤️
js94js94
- Date posted
- 5y
Mine started out of nowhere in college I was on ig and i couldn't get a erection while trying to masturbate to this girls page and the thought popped in what if your gay and then BAM like something clicked in my brain. At that time I was in a very sexual relationship with a girl and it was awesome until that. That was 6 years ago and i still have hocd
Ocdandme123Ocdandme123
- Date posted
- 5y
How has it been these past 6 years? Anxiety? Dating? Sex life? Therapy? Meds? Lol sorry if that’s too much
js94js94
- Date posted
- 5y
Tough its been an adventure to say the least. But im still alive, I'll go into a lot of detail if u want me to. This app didnt exist for me when mine first started so im happy to share my experience
Ocdandme123Ocdandme123
- Date posted
- 5y
Yes please :)
js94js94
- Date posted
- 5y
In high school i was kind of a prude when it came to going any further then hooking up with girls, never thought anything of it even tho I would always hook up with a lot of girls. Then I met my girlfriend who I eventually lost my virginity too it was awesome. I loved sex and had it all the time. I never thought anything of it... we dated for 2 years then I went to college she went to another college. We still dated but one of the first days in college I had my first panic attack in my dorm. I didn't know what it was.... after that I was nervous I'd get another one.. I was studying for my first final when i tried masturbating to a picture of a girl on Instagram... I couldn't get a boner then the thought popped into my head does this mean your gay? Literally my whole world flipped after that it felt like something in my brain flipped. After that the word gay gay gay rang in my head every second of everyday. I had to watch the way I spoke the way I walked what i dressed what music I listened watched on tv so people wouldn't think i was gay. I couldn't look men in the eyes my attraction for girls went away and my mind told me that I liked every man i passed. I would check men and women to test my attractions. I couldn't have normal conversations with men I thought my life was a lie. Meanwhile I still had a girlfriend. I would get images of penises in my head and graphic images of me doing sexual things to men and them doing things to me. I'd get the sensation that guys were kissing me etc. I would check my groin my looking at men in their but and groin area but i would always get sick to my stomach. I couldn't talk to gay people or be near then thinking i would want to eventually be gay. And it was hard having sex with my girlfriend because when i did i would get images of it being a man. Also I got the feelings that men were doing me in the but too along with the false erections... I went to a school therapist she couldn't help me then a sex specialist she couldn't help me...
js94js94
- Date posted
- 5y
My anxiety like this lasted for 3 straight years I could barely function barely eat barely sleep then I found that alcohol was the only time I felt "normal"
js94js94
- Date posted
- 5y
when i drank beer it made me feel normal so that became a compulsion which eventually led to an addiction which is another story. I was put on Prozac, lexapro, abilify and welbutrin, luvox and now I'm on Prozac anafranil and an antipsychotic which i think is helping me. I went to an ocd specialist and was finally diagnosed with OCD and mdd
js94js94
- Date posted
- 5y
but i went to therapists who asked me if i was molested as a kid or that I should experiment with men and some that said they couldn't help me. Some I think got offended that I was so against beinng gay but in reality I have nothing against gay people
js94js94
- Date posted
- 5y
But i had sex with a lot of girls after me an my girlfriend broke up with me always being drunk so the "thoughts " wouldn't come. Then I found a girl who i made my girlfriend and i tried telling her about my hocd it was just hard she didn't get it but accepted it. That ended now I'm single wishing for a girlfriend to date. I want to have kids and stuff but I'm afraid no one will ever accept me with hocd or that my kids could have ocd which is my worst fear
js94js94
- Date posted
- 5y
Also my hocd made me think i had crushes on my lifelong friends too
Ocdandme123Ocdandme123
- Date posted
- 5y
I feel all of that but opposite gender! It truly is awful and I wish for you to get through it! I want a family and husband and kids too and that’s what’s pushing me through. I’m sorry you’ve dealt with it so long. I can’t even imagine and I’ve only had it for 2 months and it’s been the worst two months of my life. Idk of it would be easier if I was single or not. Idk. Sometimes I think it would then sometimes I think it would be harder. My bf is so great to me through all of this. I hate putting it on him. I wish this never happened to me. Or you. Or any of us. I was so confident and never questioned my sexuality before this. I feel like I only notice girls now and it ducks. It’s awful. I hope we push through and live happy lives woth what we want!
Related posts
geodrimilis
- Date posted
- 15w
I need this to end.
I’ve completely lost myself. I can’t focus on my studies, I can’t go to the gym. Dang it I can’t even be around my male friends normally anymore. I got no idea why or how this happened but the only thing I know for sure is that I never questioned my sexuality neither doubted it. I never cared in general. I just liked girls. I keep testing and keep testing and keep testing my arousal but no matter how many times I see but I don’t feel the same way for guys that I do with girls my mind will always try to make me believe that I am gay. It’s like it’s forcing me into an identity I never asked for. But at the end of the day like my psychologist told me. Sexuality doesn’t change. So since I never felt anything for guys in my life it’s ocd. I’ve been up and down for 5 months now and while the last week I was feeling way better. Monday now and I’m back to zero. I just want to go back when everything was normal. I can’t keep living with this.
geodrimilis
- Date posted
- 15w
Hocd is literally a clown in my head.
Like I can’t think straight. This is making me doubt everything I’ve thought about myself and even makes me feel like I like the thoughts when I know I don’t. Like I would be less anxious at a time while I still have the thoughts and my mind would go “oh so you like it you must be gay” or the other one where I’m not anxious and I think of my attraction for girls that I’ve had my whole life and my mind goes “see now you’re not into them you’re gay” like it’s so stupid but so effective. I clearly remember being into girls my whole life but my mind is making me believe that all these attractions and feelings for women were all fake or “a thing of the past”. But I can still get aroused by women but I have this weird anxiety going on which brings these sensations/feelings and it’s so weird. Today I’ve spent my whole day thinking about it like I’ve been doing for 5 months now. I know that this aint normal but my mind just won’t let me live in peace. I never cared about my sexuality cuz I simply liked women my whole life but now my sexuality is a fundamental philosophy. I hate this.
vaiiolyn
- Date posted
- 15w
feeling helpless
As a lesbian with SO-OCD, I feel so helpless. It's truly exhausting because no one I know understands what I'm going through. The first response is always, "You're just confused" or "You don't have to know yet." But that's not the issue, I do know. I just never see any lesbians with SO-OCD so I feel so invalidated. These thoughts flood my brain constantly, forcing me to analyze my reactions to every man I see. I feel trapped in an endless cycle of "testing" myself, trying to prove that I don't like them. But my brain fights back, telling me I do want to love a man, making it feel real even though don't want it. It's terrifying. At this point, it's hard to even hold onto my identity as a lesbian because I'm so overwhelmed. I don't know if this is what real attraction is supposed to feel like, and that fear eats away at me. The truth is, when I think about being with a man, all I feel is disgust and fear-but my brain twists that into doubt. I hate it. I'm at the point where I'm scared I'm going to have to accept something I don't want because I don't know if this will ever go away. I miss who I was before all this.
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