Confused about doubts

I really need some advice, I have been confused about my boyfriend for a while but also have bad anxiety so really struggle to trust myself and distinguish my anxious thoughts from normal doubts and don’t understand what means someone isn’t right for me and what doesn’t, I also think I might have an element of rocd (relationship ocd). I love my boyfriend so much. We have been together for 5 years and I genuinely don’t think anyone would have as good a heart as him or treat me right the way he does, he makes me so happy and he does feel like home like people say the one should feel like but I always get confused if he’s the one or not like I’ve never felt certain but I want him to be so much. I am in a constant state of comparing him to other people (which is why I think I have Rocd or it could be my anxiety) and my relationship I am always comparing to my sisters relationship for example and whenever I start to compare I end up stuck in this anxious state of is he wrong for me. The doubts I have is that sometimes I think I have had better connections with other men as in conversation wise, me and my bf have good conversations but I don’t bounce off of him like I do with some people, he is also very shy and I think that’s what I compare with my sisters relationship her bf always sits in the living room and has a conversation with the parents before they go upstairs etc where as we never do that and are more awkward, he does still greet them though. He also gets anxious about a lot of acitivites I.e. bowling, boat things etc. whereas I love doing fun activities like that, we do really enjoy going on walks and for food, cinema etc though. He also can be awkward if we went anywhere and he didn’t know people and doesn’t speak much which makes me feel awkward too. The other thing is I wish he elaborated more in conversation we have good conversations but he is sometimes quite blunt in the convo and doesn’t always go into depth with things when I’d love for him to as I am a big talker. But he makes me so happy and I don’t think anyone would treat me the way he does he is the sweetest man I’ve ever met and has a heart of gold I trust him 100%, I also have chronic pain and am quite disabled currently due to this and am also scared a lot of men would leave due to this whereas he has stood by me and been amazing, he couldn’t be a better boyfriend which is why these doubts make me so upset but they just keep coming back and I’m just confused because he makes me so happy but do these doubts mean he isn’t the right person for me or not? And if he isn’t would I likely find someone as good as him again?

Relationship OCD

Raphael (Ray)

Date posted: 13h

I don’t have all the answers, but it sounds like you might be overthinking your relationship a bit. The idea of a “perfect partner” is just a fairytale. Everyone has flaws that become more obvious over time. Think about it this way — would you really want to be with someone who’s constantly thinking they could “do better” than you? If your relationship is good overall, that means the positives outweigh the negatives. If you’re always searching for someone better, you’ll never feel satisfied. And chances are, you wouldn’t want to be with someone who’s always wondering if they could find someone better, either. Being in a monogamous relationship isn’t just about feelings — it’s a decision, a choice you make every day. Sure, emotions matter, but if you’re generally happy with your boyfriend, that’s what counts. I like to imagine the opposite scenario — what if your boyfriend was super outgoing, charming, and got attention everywhere he went? You’d probably have a whole different set of worries. Every personality type comes with trade-offs, and balance matters more than extremes. At the end of the day, treat your partner the way you want to be treated. Be the kind of person you’d want to be with. Make a list of what you love about your boyfriend and what occasionally bothers you — and if the good list is longer, you’re probably in a healthy relationship. As long as there’s no abuse, you feel supported, cared for, and loved — and your partner makes some effort to make you happy — there’s nothing to “trade up” to. Everyone has doubts sometimes, and no one’s perfect. What makes someone great in one way often comes with downsides in another. For example, dating someone gorgeous might seem ideal, but that can bring its own insecurities. Dating someone rich might sound great, but that too comes with pressures. A talkative partner can be fun or overwhelming, while a quiet one can be peaceful or frustrating — it all depends on how you see it. The key is perspective, gratitude, and knowing that “better” isn’t about someone new — it’s about how you nurture what you already have.

user36373738

Date posted: 21w

Spinning / long but plz read

I have had ROCD in my relationship for a while and I’ve always been having the feeling do I break up so I not but even with the anxiety I still felt love and knew I didn’t want to be without him. But now it feels different. What scares me is it feels like I could actually see myself wanting to date someone else because of qualities he doesn’t have. I keep seeing him as overall bad. For more context he is caring, generous, we are very similar, but have different communication styles and talking issues out is hard for him. He also can be irritable easily, he doesn’t like talking things out that much and there’s a bit of a maturity difference which I know is sometning that can grow. Lately I feel like when I’m around him I am just frustrated with how he is acting like when he does something that upsets me like makes a joke about something he knows isn’t funny and bothersome to me, he’ll say sorry but then end up doing it again. Even though I know he really does care about me which I know it feels like he only cares about him doing wrong like he doesn’t want to do wrong instead of actually wanting to fix my feelings being hurt cause when he asks if I’m upset and I say yes he will get upset and try to be defensive and it makes me feel he cares more about being wrong. I also have had less empathy toward him which really scares me because I am a very empathetic person but I am hoping it’s just cause of bad ocd and built frustrations. Also, I do know cause he has told me and I’ve seen it that he always wants to impress his parents and not make them mad because they pick at him the minute he does wrong. This is probably why it’s hard to talk things out but lately I have been feeling like I can’t say anything cause he will just get more anxious or shut down or not want to hear it. Anyway, what makes me anxious is it feels like I don’t feel anything anymore and my brain is saying the only reason why I get anxious thinking of not being together is because I hate change and cause he is the first person I’m with. But I keep going back and forth. It’s so hard to be around him now. All I’m trying to think of is evidence that I still love him or the good things about him. I’m really afraid this isn’t ocd and that it has just morphed into it just isn’t working anymore. Some feelings like less love feel real but also ocd gets in between everything and it’s so fuzzy. I am afraid deep down I really know. My brain keeps saying I can’t be with him anymore cause I can’t be with someone if I feel like this about him. Meaning if I don’t have empathy for him cause I’m frustrated or whatever and if all I can see his bad even though I know there is good. It also says if I was with someone else that was a little nicer or could talk things out or whatever imaginary scenario in my head I wouldn’t feel like this😭 and I love the family and it keeps saying I’m only staying cause of the family. And some of this I’m like wait that might be true and I have to rest and review and I’m exhausted. And one minute I want to leave the next I don’t….im worried the only reason I am with him is cause of how great things were or cause he loves me and not me loving him.

Relationship OCD

cmax20

Date posted: 21w

ROCD

for a few days now I’ve been super anxious about my relationship. I’ve been anxious about it before but lately it’s been worse than normal. I’m in a very healthy and loving relationship, I love my boyfriend so much and he treats me so so well. The only thing is that I’ve been having scary thoughts that what if I’m lying to him and don’t actually love him? What if I don’t find him attractive? And like what if the only way to stop being anxious is to break up with him? I don’t want to leave him and I am so scared. I feel like I’m lying to him by not telling him what’s going on because he might think I’m actually going to leave him, which I’m really not going to. I have had anxiety since before we started dating and incestual and sexual ocd, then I got into a point where I started having religious ocd, and now I have ROCD on top of that I think. I’ve never been diagnosed but I’m going to therapy and figuring things out but I’m so scared. Idk what to do and I feel like if I talk to anyone they’re going to say I have to leave him.

Darkgray

Date posted: 12w

Relationship doubts

Hi, I have been experiencing the worst relationship anxiety. I have been with my boyfriend for well over 3 years. He is truly amazing and helps me in almost every way. We are both faithful Christian’s. About 7 months ago is when I began having doubts and intrusive thoughts about the relationship: “Am I attracted to him?” “Do I love him?” “Why am I doubting?” “Does God want me to leave?” And it has taken its toll on me. I am to the point now that my worries have worsened into “Do I actually want to be with him?” “How do I know if I want to be with him?” No matter how many times I tell myself that I DO want to be with him, I still question it. Can someone please help me. I don’t want to break up with him. I just can’t even trust myself anymore. I also have not been officially diagnosed with OCD. But, I relate to everything ROCD and have been diagnosed with anxiety.

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Confused about doubts

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