Is there any way back after healing?

Hi. One of my biggest fears is that after e.g., a successful therapy lasting a couple of years, I will NEVER be able to return back to the old myself. These days I'm really struggling much with the idea of therapy changing my brain — like the more I will heal, the less there will EVER be a chance to go back in the healing journey. I have meta-OCD so I'm afraid of them changing me violently to be "a normal one" with NO possible steps back. Is it really true that after a successful therapy there WON'T ever be a way to come back to the old days? I hope I'm not the only one experiencing this.

Existential OCD

j vv

Date posted: Yesterday

Hi LennieBar 👋 Without giving you reassurance here, when I first started therapy I had to work on accepting that I don’t have a time machine. Change is a constant in life. When I learned to not only accept this but embrace it, a whole new world of appreciation opened up for me. Every day, every moment, is singular and playing out right before me…and I’m lucky to observe it before it is gone. It gave me a lot of confidence in therapy. I want to see my best self emerge from years of being buried in anxiety and OCD! Let’s lean in together. Best of luck to you 🍀

mberri

Date posted: 21h

@j vv I like this idea of accepting I don't have a time machine. Right now, I feel like I would do anything to go back to 1 month ago when I wasn't having one of the most difficult intrusive thoughts of my life. But wishing I were in a different reality only brings anger, suffering, and not enjoying the present moment. I think the only way out is acceptance. I think my journey to acceptance is not one that is linear. Last week, I was feeling optimistic, like I was accepting things but my mood took a turn for the worst and I have had a really hard time accepting. I need to refocus and accept that I can't change the past, I can't control my thoughts or feelings, all I can do is control my behaviors and my responses to my thoughts and feelings.

j vv

Date posted: 21h

@mberri @Mberri I loved this! Beautifully put. My journey to acceptance has been far from linear as well. I find I have a lot of difficulty accepting things as they are, and I constantly am pulled to revise the past in order to control the future. It was so liberating to learn that I had this tendency and now have tools to work on it! Good luck to you as well. Let’s accept and live where we are at 💜

mberri

Date posted: 20h

@j vv Thank you, it really helps me to know I'm not the only one struggling with this. May I ask, how long this journey of acceptance has taken you? (Understanding it's an ongoing process and everyone is different)

j vv

Date posted: 18h

@mberri Timelines are different for everyone, and I don’t feel comfortable sharing all of mine…but I’ve seen tremendous progress in just a month or two of dedicated focus to this specifically! What has helped me most with acceptance (and therapy in general) is to keep a regular reading habit. I try to find relevant books that genuinely interest me and coincide with wherever I am at in my journey—it is another form of support. This can be fiction or non-fiction for me—the goal is to intake things naturally that will help me grow. For acceptance, Reading *Radical Acceptance by Tara Brach* has been very helpful. I was put off a bit by some of the phrasing at first, but it has made such an impact on my daily life so far! I like to take it a chapter at a time and apply it deeply before continuing.💜

Stay.Fluid

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: Yesterday

Hi! We change every single day no matter what. So do our brains! They are neuroplastic. Every day, every experience, thought, etc changes our brain and our neural pathways to some extent 🙂 Even if someone tried their absolute hardest their entire lives to “stay the same” we can’t say for certain they would be successful.

LennieBar

Date posted: 17h

Oh yeah, you're right, I've read something like this there too... But now I can think about it like every obsession, every compulsion I do or better WON'T do (cuz the ocd patterns will lower) will change my brain and that's been scaring me even more tho! 😖 I hope you understand what I mean.

lanceelliott...

Date posted: 18w

Do people recover from death/existential OCD?

I feel like every person I see who has recovered from OCD doesn't have my theme. I feel like I woke up in a nightmare I can't escape and it'll never end. Do people actually get better from this?

Existential OCD

anonymous00981

Date posted: 17w

What now?

My soocd sufferers and recoverers, I have a question! This is my second spiral and while I hade some manageable background noise before, the spiral literally “clicked” into place a few months again and it’s been awful every single day. I’m on meds and doing some light ERP/ACT because my anxiety was so bad I lost so much weight, but I wake up feeling ok and there’s no “click” back to normal. Is there supposed to be like a moment where it’s all over or is it gradual bc if anything I “feel gay” and more accepting of that. Anyone else?

Sexual Orientation OCD

ocdnomore1

Date posted: 17w

How abou you?

I suffer since 10 - 15 yrs from specific fears. It was years that my OCD constantly wanted to be checked if I have HIV or not. I had a lot of sex and I thought this is normal. But I ruminated in my backhead about and was testing like 5 - 10 times a year. After the test I felt everytime so relieved. In Corona I was addicted to porn and even I lost control and was watching pretty hard stuff. I was chatting with a girl and we fantasized about really disturbing things. I never wanna meet her and for me was sure it's just kinda onlinestuff. I was in a relationship 3 years now. And I lost fear of HIV. But then came Morality OCD, Real Event (this chat) and after some times POCD. This combination was knocking me out, I felt like the badest person on earth. I did everything wrong and searched for relief and reassurance. It put me to the point of suicidal. I never ever hurting somebody, but my brain was making me a monster. I had to quit the relationship because I just couldn't give her what she deserved. I was in a clinic for 3 months. And we tested medication with ERP (before I took escitalopram for years). Anafranil was working first, then too many side-effects. I tried even without meds, but was so depressed. Now on sertralin for 5 weeks, but only 2 weeks on therapeutic dose 200mg. And wow, now I really feel so confused in the brain. I feel like how big my OCD became. The specific thoughts are not anymore, BUT it sticks on EVERYTHING atm. It's delusional how it feels in the brain. I really hope so deep my brain makes finally a reset and I need to wait it out. I could live with OCD for a long time but the last 1-2 yrs it took absolutely everything. I remark that POCD doesn't stick anymore like before but my brain is now constructing a very bad future because of past mistakes (that I all discussed with family, friends for relief over and over and over again). So it's like my OCD is now Real Event (The sexchat) again. Anyone was on the same point in life?

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