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@Fcukocd I’m sorry to hear that. OCD is almost impossible to understand unless you’re living it. Last night I opened up to my parents about my OCD and was pleasantly surprised by how receptive they were. I pushed through my biggest fear of being transparent about my POCD and that was a huge step for me. I’m not a therapist and I’m not a conquerer. But I know that accepting that I’m not my thoughts has had a huge impact on how I go through my day to day. My boyfriend will say “we all have intrusive thoughts” but no once quite understands how OCD reacts and affects those thoughts. Just know that you are seen and heard and never alone. If you want someone to talk to openly about this I’m more than open to hearing it all. My boyfriend doesn’t want to hear mine either. I get it. Please please please let me know. Everyone needs a good pair of ears to talk to.

@sjwmzn2023 I’m also a mom. I understand that side.

@Fcukocd Believe me I get it, I have groinal responses to my POCD and it eats me alive, especially having a child of my own. My instagram is stevee_lj feel free to follow or message me at your own pace.

@Fcukocd For sure, sometimes when I’m playing with my daughter my thoughts will go “what if you were sick and sexualized her” and boom groinal response

@Fcukocd OCD doesn’t define you as an individual. It’s just another aspect of life that we face. I have an easier time rationalizing my groinal responses sometimes. Other times they will drain me and make me feel like I’m not fit either. A few things that have made me feel better are 1. Knowing that there are people like you and I. For years I struggled and once I was diagnosed and found the community I realized that I’m not alone, and that groinal responses have nothing to do with actual sexual stimulation or attraction. I believe you when you say you don’t feel attracted to XYZ which makes me believe myself. 2. Looking into and learning about groinal responses. I mean fuck, there are people who have orgasms at things that are completely and totally sexually removed. That have nothing to do with their arousal. The human body is something we still don’t understand, so who am I as a stay at home mom to try and rationalize why my body responds to my anxiety in that way? OCD says: you don’t want to think this? Well now it’s all you can think about. You don’t want to feel this? Well now you’ll feel it with no warning. You hate this type of person? Well what if you are what you hate. It attacks and attaches to what matters most to you, and makes it terrifying and unenjoyable. I sympathize with you because I am you. So maybe I can sympathize with myself, give myself the grace I give you. It’s obviously easier said than done. For me personally medication has changed my OCD experience. And ERT will change it even more.

@sjwmzn2023 I see you post often and idk why but I feel so called to help you. I’m proud of you, and you will overcome this. Please don’t give up on yourself, I won’t give up on you!

@Fcukocd Yeah of course

@Fcukocd Sure I have. But it’s an intrusive thought that our body is inadvertently reacting to. I know that I would never lay a hand on my daughter, I would never ever even intentionally think of those kinds of things. But that’s what’s so hard, OCD is telling you that you are. That thoughts are truth, even the intrusive ones. But we are not the things we think.

@sjwmzn2023 Sorry for the delay I’ve been with my daughter!

@Fcukocd I do the same thing!! Like “checking” myself. Which often in turns causes a groinal response or even more thoughts.

@Fcukocd You are not alone my friend. But if you can use that awareness to give yourself grace it might make you feel better. Sometimes (not everytime) when I “check” myself I am able to see from a third perspective in my mind. -I MADE myself have that thought because I didn’t WANT to have that thought. So it’s not truth, it’s checking. Checking only encourages our compulsions and feeds the OCD with exactly what it wants. I don’t do it intentionally, but other times I do and that’s where I have to breathe and move on. You cannot give OCD the power it wants, it NEEDS it to keep us stuck. Again, I know it’s easier said than done, we are the same.

@Fcukocd Well, unfortunately we can’t decide to stop it. We have to stop giving it our time and energy. That’s the only thing we can do. But I feel you. When I was pregnant my POCD was going batshit because I was TERRIFIED of how my OCD would respond to my own child. But after having her I realized that the love I have for her is greater than all the thoughts I have, it’s greater than the control OCD has over me. And I still struggle, but sometimes I’m able to remember how much bigger that love is, it’s bigger than anything I could ever think or feel. It’s bigger than anything I’ve ever felt. It’s something so precious and special and I have to actively decide to put my thoughts and energy into that love rather than that fear.

@Fcukocd I will say, AI is not human. It doesn’t have the understanding like we do. And it’s more than likely not in our best interest to use that for reassurance. Not just because of the risk of being misunderstood and the ramifications of AI flagging that, but because most humans without OCD don’t even understand how our minds work.

@Fcukocd Are you feeling any better after talking about it?

@sjwmzn2023 - just reading your comments and LOOK how strong you are! Inspiring

@Fcukocd Ocd seems to change main themes when one loses it grip on you. Treat it similar to the way you did for soocd and resist indulging in compulsions and more erp. I noticed you may need lots of erp to desensitize your brain to ocd. I am rooting for you

@Fcukocd Well, if anything, there is an entire paper trail of your struggle with OCD and the conversation we’re having at this very moment. Take some deep breaths and find a way to immerse yourself in something else, watch your go to show, make something to eat, workout, whatever that might mean for you.

@Fcukocd I hope your day/night turns around, we can do this! (: