- Date posted
- 5y
- Date posted
- 5y
I just keep fearing I’m in denial. I fear I’m losing attraction and feeling towards my bf bc I’m so depressed. I fear I’m going to fall in love with a girl randomly. It’s sucks. I hate it ?
- Date posted
- 5y
I'm afraid to get a job because I'm scared that I'll fall in love with a female coworker ?
- Date posted
- 5y
@hateocd123 Ugh YES I feel that. I’m a hair stylist so I work with all girls. But I’m afraid to go to the gym, the bar, the store. Literally it’s awful. My bf has been the most patient person with me. ?
- Date posted
- 5y
@Ocdandme123 Your boyfriend knows about your hocd? Any tips for telling mine?
- Date posted
- 5y
@hateocd123 Yes! It’s been about two months since my hocd started and I told him a week after because he just knew something was not okay. I have never cried so much cuz I was so scared to tell him and so scared of what was going on. When I told him, it was before I knew about hocd so I straight up cried to him telling him I think I might be into girls. And his response was “oh that’s it? I thought it was going be something way worse” and he just you know asked me if I still loved him and if I was attracted to him still and if I still liked guys too. I was so confused. I didn’t even know if I was into girls but i was obsessing over it so bad. Worried myself sick that whole first week. And he has been patient and there for me since. He hold me when I cry and makes sure I’m okay every day. I suggest if you love him and trust him and want a possible future with him then he should love you no matter what and be there for you through thick and thin.
- Date posted
- 5y
@Ocdandme123 Knowing my boyfriend he'd probably have the same response. I'm going to tell him.
- Date posted
- 5y
@hateocd123 I think you should! Mine helps me to stay positive! He tells me everything is going to be okay and we’re gonna get through this together and he’s not going anywhere. I have told him literally everything that is on my mind about it. It’s weird convos sometimes but I hope that this will be over soon after hard work and it will make us stronger as a couple and closer
- Date posted
- 4y
@hateocd123 How are u girls now? Going through same thing
- Date posted
- 4y
@Ocdandme123 How are u now I’m going through same thing!!
- Date posted
- 4y
@jivanovi I'm not much better YET, but I just started therapy so hopefully soon
- Date posted
- 4y
@hateocd123 I rela the d to everything you said, it’s like u have so much proof that u are and it freaks you out, my boyfriend is so understanding of it and I’m so happy but it’s killing me, I’m starting therapy soon also
- Date posted
- 5y
Same for me. It feels soooooo real. So real. That I could go out and fall in love with a girl but I don’t feel that way towards girls. I’ve only ever loved guys. Had crushes on guys. Like there’s just no way. My coworker keeps telling me I wouldn’t know though unless I tried to love a girl. But I just can’t take this shit. It feels so damn real.
- Date posted
- 5y
I had hocd as a kid at like 11-13 on and off. I went around 8 years with a different theme (mostly death ocd) in between, not knowing about my OCD yet (I knew I always had weird obsessions, but I thought I was the only one and I didn't know it was ocd) I thought that maybe my childhood thing was proof that I was bisexual. I didn't have hocd at that point so I didn't really care. I tried to like girls, but it didn't work, so been there done that lmao. Now I have really severe hocd that has convinced me not that I'm bi, but that I'm just gay instead. This makes no sense lmao. It started this time around because I got really anxious seeing a picture of a girl on Instagram. I started looking up stuff to figure out if maybe I was in denial, or what and I found out about hocd and then everything fell into place. I realized that all of the weird obsessions I've had my whole life including contamination, harm, scrupulosity, pocd, ect were part of a disorder. I knew my dad had OCD but I always thought that it was just contamination/just right related... then I worked up the courage to tell him and my mom and he shared that from childhood to his late 20s he'd been through almost all of the same things. I don't think my hocd would have taken off if I hadn't gone to my friend's house and gotten cross faded. This was like a day or two after I told my parents. My friend's really homophobic brother took my phone and I'm almost positive that he went through my search history. Seeing that I searched things like gay denial, how do you know if you're a lesbian, and hocd he confronted me after his friend made a joke that he thinks I'm in love with my friend (absolutely not even if I was gay). He said that he thinks I'm a lesbian and that I need to come out if the closet and that it's disgusting. Of course being drunk and mega stoned I freaked the fuck out. I speed walked home before it was even light outside. Since then my brain has been absolutely screwed. ? sorry for the rant, but yeah.
- Date posted
- 5y
@hateocd123 Oh to add to the hell I've been going through my friend's whole family thinks that I'm in denial and has even made jokes about it, so I cut them off. I don't fuck with people who aren't willing to understand me. They think OCD is being obsessively organized and there's no convincing them otherwise. I told my friend about the harm OCD and I was treated like a murderous wackjob, so fuck them.
- Date posted
- 5y
@hateocd123 Damn that is so shitty of them I’m sorry you went through that. :(
Related posts
- Date posted
- 23w
I keep having this weird feeling none stop that it’s most likely not HOCD and most my feelings. Like I’ve suffered none stop distress and unwanted thoughts the past few days. But those thoughts after a bit just feel weird not the kind of discomfort but are just their and stale. When I look at a guy I don’t feel anything but my thoughts sometimes compliment his looks or personality which makes me doubt my sexuality. I’ve never felt this weirded out. Because I’ve always been straight and still believe I am but I’ve never even had an emotional connection to someone of the opposite gender in fact. My view of the female body has been ruined with none stop pornography addictions. I don’t believe I’m gay but I feel like it may just be denial instead of HOCD but all my symptoms are literally HOCD. I don’t hate the idea of gay people but I can’t imagine or see my heart going off to like someone of the same sex. I haven’t really had any meaningful real life friends besides online but that also ended a few months ago. My only friend ever online that was my friend for the longest of time was a queer but I never really cared about what he liked. Like yes at some point I did try to challenge him with his own feelings but that didn’t last long I just accepted what he liked and moved on. I’ve never even touched let alone held a long conversation with a female. I’ve always been timid and shy around them but I can just say that towards male as well. The gay feelings feel so real. The thoughts feel a bit natural to me but I don’t want this. But I hate how I can’t just move on and be myself and love women when those thoughts demand attention and an answer. It won’t quit it. If I try to do a compulsion it calms down but it quickly becomes a problem again. I’m lonely I don’t have any friends or past relationships I can even think of helping me with the emotions. I still believe I’m straight and I just can’t see myself with a guy. It just doesn’t feel right for me despite my lack of experiences. I just wanna go back to how I was happy and loving girls and not having to question if it was a real feeling or just my natural timid nature. Everytime I think these distressing thoughts I always just wanna sit down and close my eyes and sleep. Because that’s where I can have peace of self. It sucks but I’m so exhausted of having to deal with emotional distress and I can’t even focus on my job as much. I want to meet new people discover my love for women again but I’m scared in the process I may discover I may be gay. Because deep down I know I wouldn’t ever be happy with myself if my greatest fears where confirmed. My dream of always being a father with a loving women and kids would be torn away by something I never asked for. Yes I’m religious, yes I come from a place that homosexuals are usually seen in a bad light. I just hate feeling this emotion that I may not be what I thought and having my dreams torn apart maybe true. I’ve read MUTIPLE articles about HOCD and seen MUTIPLE videos. I’ve come to the realization that I most likely have it. But it’s still hard when the feelings of maybe being gay maybe true you know? I hope I get better I hope I don’t suffer. I just wanna be happy with myself and loving females and I don’t wanna hate myself for feeling an emotion that never occurred to me more then a few times.
- Date posted
- 22w
As a lesbian with SO-OCD, I feel so helpless. It's truly exhausting because no one I know understands what I'm going through. The first response is always, "You're just confused" or "You don't have to know yet." But that's not the issue, I do know. I just never see any lesbians with SO-OCD so I feel so invalidated. These thoughts flood my brain constantly, forcing me to analyze my reactions to every man I see. I feel trapped in an endless cycle of "testing" myself, trying to prove that I don't like them. But my brain fights back, telling me I do want to love a man, making it feel real even though don't want it. It's terrifying. At this point, it's hard to even hold onto my identity as a lesbian because I'm so overwhelmed. I don't know if this is what real attraction is supposed to feel like, and that fear eats away at me. The truth is, when I think about being with a man, all I feel is disgust and fear-but my brain twists that into doubt. I hate it. I'm at the point where I'm scared I'm going to have to accept something I don't want because I don't know if this will ever go away. I miss who I was before all this.
- Date posted
- 12w
I’ve been dealing with SOOCD for over a year now, and I have been having a very hard day today. I feel like I just need someone to talk too, my whole life I’ve always had girl crushes and always wanted to be romantic with women . Ever since I posted this picture on instagram and one person said I looked “zesty” in it , which is when I started obsessing about being gay . I feel like I put so much meaning to these thoughts where now I’m always checking how I feeling around men. I had a really bad porn addiction for a long time and bad anxiety which fucked up my sex drive. I feel like I doubt if I’m attracted to women when I know I am , but the doubt is so overbearing where I start to believe it . I never was interested in men sexually, and my ocd makes me feel like I like the thoughts even though I feel no pleasure out of it. I feel like I lost who I am as a person . It feels like I don’t even know what my sexuality is and it’s really upsetting to me . I meant this girl the other day and she is the most beautiful woman I’ve ever met and I just feel like ocd is getting in the way😭😭😭 please any advice or comments
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