This just feels too real.. I’m terrified that this actually just real. We who have hocd focus on the sex attraction part, and that’s not what this is. I remember seeing pins or posts that say “Love is Love” and id sit there and be like “Wow I forgot that being lesbian /gay/bi ect.. has to do with falling in love” I honestly just didn’t think about falling in love and crushes or anything like that. Because we’re so focused on the sex part of this. Because it just feel real, and it’s not us. I know this isn’t me, I’ve only liked guys before and I know it was not forced. Also, my childhood has so much proof that I’m lesbian, but there’s also a lot of proof that I’m not. Like when I’d have fantasies that my crush was watching me dance or that my crush would finally ask me out. And just always liking boys and not girls. I just know I can’t be lesbian, yet there’s so many things telling me I am. But I’m not, I would know. Especially with all the advice that’s been giving to me. Anyway, sorry just here to vent. How is everyone doing? Let me know? Or maybe you have been through something similar ?

I'm afraid to get a job because I'm scared that I'll fall in love with a female coworker ?

@hateocd123 Ugh YES I feel that. I’m a hair stylist so I work with all girls. But I’m afraid to go to the gym, the bar, the store. Literally it’s awful. My bf has been the most patient person with me. ?

@Ocdandme123 Your boyfriend knows about your hocd? Any tips for telling mine?

@hateocd123 Yes! It’s been about two months since my hocd started and I told him a week after because he just knew something was not okay. I have never cried so much cuz I was so scared to tell him and so scared of what was going on. When I told him, it was before I knew about hocd so I straight up cried to him telling him I think I might be into girls. And his response was “oh that’s it? I thought it was going be something way worse” and he just you know asked me if I still loved him and if I was attracted to him still and if I still liked guys too. I was so confused. I didn’t even know if I was into girls but i was obsessing over it so bad. Worried myself sick that whole first week. And he has been patient and there for me since. He hold me when I cry and makes sure I’m okay every day. I suggest if you love him and trust him and want a possible future with him then he should love you no matter what and be there for you through thick and thin.

@Ocdandme123 Knowing my boyfriend he'd probably have the same response. I'm going to tell him.

@hateocd123 I think you should! Mine helps me to stay positive! He tells me everything is going to be okay and we’re gonna get through this together and he’s not going anywhere. I have told him literally everything that is on my mind about it. It’s weird convos sometimes but I hope that this will be over soon after hard work and it will make us stronger as a couple and closer

@hateocd123 How are u girls now? Going through same thing

@Ocdandme123 How are u now I’m going through same thing!!

@jivanovi I'm not much better YET, but I just started therapy so hopefully soon

@hateocd123 I rela the d to everything you said, it’s like u have so much proof that u are and it freaks you out, my boyfriend is so understanding of it and I’m so happy but it’s killing me, I’m starting therapy soon also

I had hocd as a kid at like 11-13 on and off. I went around 8 years with a different theme (mostly death ocd) in between, not knowing about my OCD yet (I knew I always had weird obsessions, but I thought I was the only one and I didn't know it was ocd) I thought that maybe my childhood thing was proof that I was bisexual. I didn't have hocd at that point so I didn't really care. I tried to like girls, but it didn't work, so been there done that lmao. Now I have really severe hocd that has convinced me not that I'm bi, but that I'm just gay instead. This makes no sense lmao. It started this time around because I got really anxious seeing a picture of a girl on Instagram. I started looking up stuff to figure out if maybe I was in denial, or what and I found out about hocd and then everything fell into place. I realized that all of the weird obsessions I've had my whole life including contamination, harm, scrupulosity, pocd, ect were part of a disorder. I knew my dad had OCD but I always thought that it was just contamination/just right related... then I worked up the courage to tell him and my mom and he shared that from childhood to his late 20s he'd been through almost all of the same things. I don't think my hocd would have taken off if I hadn't gone to my friend's house and gotten cross faded. This was like a day or two after I told my parents. My friend's really homophobic brother took my phone and I'm almost positive that he went through my search history. Seeing that I searched things like gay denial, how do you know if you're a lesbian, and hocd he confronted me after his friend made a joke that he thinks I'm in love with my friend (absolutely not even if I was gay). He said that he thinks I'm a lesbian and that I need to come out if the closet and that it's disgusting. Of course being drunk and mega stoned I freaked the fuck out. I speed walked home before it was even light outside. Since then my brain has been absolutely screwed. ? sorry for the rant, but yeah.

@hateocd123 Oh to add to the hell I've been going through my friend's whole family thinks that I'm in denial and has even made jokes about it, so I cut them off. I don't fuck with people who aren't willing to understand me. They think OCD is being obsessively organized and there's no convincing them otherwise. I told my friend about the harm OCD and I was treated like a murderous wackjob, so fuck them.

@hateocd123 Damn that is so shitty of them I’m sorry you went through that. :(