Did something weird when I was 14

I really need help getting over this. Currently freaking out over something I did when I was a freshman in high school. My sports team and I were all at a fellow teammate's house, and I don't know how we got onto the topic, but I ended up showing a really disturbing/inappropriate video to some of them. The video was being talked about online at the time, though I'm not sure everybody was aware of it. I think I warned some people beforehand, but l'm so disgusted with myself and I would never do that now. That was truly so weird of me and I'm so disgusted with the memory. I wish I never did that. I think maybe I thought it would make me "cool" since I only had one or two real friends on the team

User type: Therapist

Date posted: 22h

Hello An0nym0us26748, I see you are struggling with thoughts about what you showed other teammates when you were 14. I also see you are ruminating about what showing the video means about you. Intrusive thoughts are by their very nature distressing, because they don't match the values held by the person experiencing the thought. The challenge is that the act of trying to "figure it out", only provides temporary relief, and makes the thought more distressing. Rather than trying to figure out why you showed the video or how it reflects on you, have you tried to sit with uncertainty? Were you able to let your distress pass? Did you struggle with how to start? At NOCD we are trained experts in the diagnosis and treatment of OCD and related conditions using Exposure and Response Prevention (ERP). ERP is the gold standard of treatment for OCD and related conditions, with the better part of the past century's research backing the efficacy of ERP. If you would like more information on OCD and ERP, please visit our website at www.treatmyocd.com. If you are seeking to begin/resume your journey of recovery, you may reach out to our member advocate team at care@nocdhelp.com. I hope this message reaches you well and know that at NOCD, we are always here to help! Take care, Ian M. Reeder

An0nym0us26748

Date posted: 19h

@Ian Reeder Thank you so so much. Yes the intrusive and obsessive thoughts are truly the worst. I will definitely be looking into it. Thanks again!

Stephenwdavis

Date posted: 21h

Honestly you were 14 at that age you shouldn’t really worry about it. Ppl on my teams were doing and talking about all sorts of stuff. Give yourself grace. And don’t stress. BUT the best way to deal with it is to manage it by sitting with the uncertainty. If you tell yourself maybe I did stress them out and maybe it did disturb them then you can work on handling the worse case scenario and moving on. Although it’s unlikely you’ll never truly know so it’s best to just work on how you handle it. I have very similar stresses for example I gave a bad review to an advisor about my teacher when asked and then he is no longer teaching 3 weeks later. I don’t know if that’s my fault and I feel guilty and super stressed about it. But the only thing that honestly helps is telling myself “yeah I probably did get him fired” and even though I know this to probably not be true being able to handle those worse case scenarios helps. Also medication like Luvox can help

An0nym0us26748

Date posted: 19h

@Stephenwdavis This was really helpful, thank you so much, truly. I definitely have to work with sitting with uncertainty, even though it is an immensely difficult thing for me to do. It was so long ago, but it still haunts me. Thank you again so much.

emma345

Date posted: 20w

Anyone else with actually bad events?

tw: slightly nsfw I don't mean something like "I made a sexual joke and a child was nearby " or "I was 19 and thought a 17 y.o. was attractive" Like something actually bad not the "I'm freaking over this because I have OCD" type of situation, but more like "I did something horrible and I happen to have OCD which makes it even worse" type of situation I did some really fucked up sexual stuff at 14-16 and they haunt me.

Andi 🤓☝️

Date posted: 18w

Distressed 18+

I feel nauseous. Extremely sick, i cannot eat, cant sleep well, and I haven't enjoyed things I normally enjoy to cry in bed and spiral for several days already. I feel extremely anxious over my past real events. I remembered something extremely triggering. I used to be morbidly curious about crimes and like I remember when i was a younger teen I watched a dark documentary that honestly i shouldnt have watched. There was this extremely weird scene and i think i felt weirded out but also a little aroused? but only bc I was thinking "lucky, shes already having sex. I wish I was her so i could experience it too." The poor person was like 1-3 years younger than me at the time. I KNOW how wrong that is now i legit feel like im going to throw up rn. Anyway I think I felt a little aroused??? And I think I touched myself a little bit and imagined myself in her place? I dont think I enjoyed it bc i remember it felt forced and weird and i stopped. I never did it again. I feel so sick! I would NEVER watch a documentary like that now as an adult and think or touch myself to it thats just so wrong but im scared that this is a sign im a sicko/p. I remmeber crying at the end of the documentary bc I felt disturbed by the contents but i still put some in my watch later out of morbid curiosity to see more real cases of these crimes bc they scared me. I never watched them again though. It only happened once and it was before my ocd started which SCARES me even more!!! And i wouldnt watch them as an adult either theyre too disturbing! I regret it so badly and feel like a monster bc it was messed up. Like what was wrong with me?! Theyre extremely disturbing to me and I rather avoid such content bc its triggering to my ocd but im afraid now like was that a sign of me possibly being a p? Am I a monster??? Am I in denial? Is this even ocd?! I feel so much shame and guilt it's killing me. 😔

themeowingme...

Date posted: 14w

Third post today that's cause I don't feel good

I didn't understand the concept of boundaries much when I was 14-15 (like 2 years ago) I eh out of nowhere sent one of my friends who was my age said wtf I just found fat furry fetish content on YouTube ! And I took a screenshot to show them and didnt spoiler the image and they were like WTFF and I was like yea it's gross but then they asked me to link the video for some reason I was like what no I don't want to watch it but did it anyway on discord I'm scaredddd I don't want people to think I'm a groomer even though they asked for the LINK of the video after I sent them a screenshot ? 😭😭😭😭😭

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Did something weird when I was 14

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