pOCD nightmare with partner

Hello, Asking for guidance for my partner whos lifelong OCD morffed to pOCD years ago and the situation has gone worse over time. We have not had normal intimacy now for half a year with some stressfull exceptions. The big problem is that pOCD thoughts have tormented my partner and she "can never be certain" if there was a "bad" thought some time before that created arousal and for that reason all sexual feelings and action feels inappropriate. Over time Ive stopped all sexual approach, because it might cause more anxiety in her. We might try be close, but any moment a thought might jump to her mind and then we have to just stop because they tarnish the whole experience. We have feelings for each other but OCD has highjacked our relationship and killed our sex life and even affection and it feel like dead-end every time. I joined no-nut-november with friends to have a month of selibacy to give her space with the subject and for me to have an experience of autonomy by choosing a period of non-sexuality for my self so it is not the OCD of my partner that is calling the shots, whitch have been devastating over time to be in an infinite-feeling rejection loop with no control over it. We are studying the subject to go forward. Some helpful points from the forum has been stop reacting to that mean suggesting inner voice so not to argue with it because it always claims the pOCD is actual p and learning about the groin responce that it is not a "proof" of being a p. What advices would you have or material to look in to grow out of this nightmare? This is maybe a sixth variation of OCD she has had over her life and the other form have resolved over time, but this challenge feels off course the worst in every way and we feel generally helpless in moving on.

POCD

daisysrose

Date posted: Yesterday

hello! i was in your gf’s shoes not long ago! always avoiding any sexual moments with my partner because i was terrified of my thoughts. here’s the deal, that was a very difficult flare that i had, my therapist told me that i shouldn’t stop doing anything because of the thoughts because that’s exactly what they are, just thoughts. they don’t mean anything about my character or morals, they just appear bc i have a mental illness called ocd. so what i did was, i stopped avoiding sex, and during the experience if i had any intrusive thoughts i would try my best to ignore them. if they were too much i would tell my partner that i got anxious, i would breathe and calm myself and then try again. i know it’s gonna be really hard in the beginning but this is truly what works, she has to make an effort to receive the thought and let it just pass through. it’s a little more complicated with the groinal sensations but it’s all anxiety based!! it’s not real!! sending you so much love and strength!! you got this girlie!!💞💞💞

Gamintojas

Date posted: 18h

Thanks for the reply! My partner read it also and is still anxious about the whole issue. For years before we stopped being intime she did ignore it and carryed on but often felt quilty for having the thoughts and was unsure if the thoughts predated the arousal and was the cause of it, or the uncertainty of it makes life a living hell. Since childhood Her OCD has been so bad that she has had to stop doing things and freezes put because of surge of mental stuff. Any subject might have other side of being "amusing" that brings up a mischievous smile that feel very innapropriate especially in case of any pOCD experience and is experienced as sort of conformation of being evil. Even talking about this for me to write this brings up freeze reaction and near panic attack and she usually would prefer to be alone and go to sleep because being alive feels so bad. Also some impulses have come over the years in same space where there have been children and from there comes the idea that "she would have done something" or maybe someone would have sensed something that has brought up endless quilt and something that would be hard to forgive one self. We have studiet IFS to help understand the broughter picture i.e. readin "Bo bad parts", but the horror of the situation is not leaving her alone.. 😥

Jae18

Date posted: 22w

Question for people with SO-OCD

Do you perhaps experience things like being so frustrated and numb because of how much your ocd drains you ? Then you are naturally caught up in a compulsion where you’re “physically testing” yourself to lets say something you watched years ago that is usually against your orientation?? If you know what I mean ? Even though you know you are (your own sexuality) and are in a very loving relationship and you really love your partner but does anyone experience this ?? And then they’re faced with more thoughts about how they’ve betrayed their partner and how their partner will leave and if you also struggle with scrupulosity ocd you feel like you’ve committed a huge sin and betrayed your faith ? Again I get all of this goes against values and that the human body may still react to things we naturally may be against but anyone still falls for the testing and then has this awful reaction afterwards? And does that really mean I betrayed my partner ?? Thank you so much for your time and I would really love your insights as this is something that popped up with me out of the blue …

Jpais28

Date posted: 22w

ROCD advice help for supporting partner

I am at a very difficult spot in my relationship. My boyfriend and I have been together for 6 years, and I have a history of cheating that for years we’ve been trying to work through. To me, it makes a lot of sense that my OCD has attached itself to this and for the last few years I’ve experienced intrusive sexual thoughts of others and relationship ocd. I have been open to him about the content of my thoughts and now, with a proper diagnosis of an anxiety disorder, I am able to reframe them and work through them with ERP so that my brain will *hopefully* get bored and stop sending them. But, things have not been easy. As a result of this and everything in our past, he has become anxious about all the scenarios where I could be having sexualized thoughts about other people. To him, if I am thinking something utterly different than what I am telling him or acting like to him, he can’t fully trust it. And of course, I can imagine how difficult it is to know your life partner is sexualizing others in her brain and to be able find a way to dismiss them as unthreatening, especially when past mistakes say otherwise. Is there anyone that has gone through this with a partner? And other than repeatedly explaining the egodystonic nature of my thoughts and providing reassurance, what are some things you did that helped them? Any advice helps! Thank you

Anonymous

Date posted: 12w

1st time posting, POCD

I've never shared anything on here before but I read a lot and I will say I am thankful for this community. I have had OCD my whole life. When I was a child I remember having thoughts in my head that made me uncomfortable, although I couldn't remember what they all were. I would neutralize them with a word. I would have nightly confessions to my mom. I do remember a very specific intrusive thought about God that made me panic and I remember exactly where I was. I would wash my hands until they bled to "prevent" something bad from happening. I developed sexual Instrusive thoughts of my brother being romantically interested in me and it scared me so much, I always fought with him for the imagined fear that played in my mind. I have a bit of harm OCD and my biggest nemesis is POCD. I am in ERP therapy but my mind WILL not let me do what I need to work on because I'm living in constant fear or what if this isn't just OCD. I cut out my compulsive prayer after a thought, but my big one is mental checking. I have to gauge the perfect reaction to a thought to figure out I don't feel any way about it. My mind puts myself or children in situations to check how I feel and it's constant. I can't even call that intrusive anymore, it's an automatic compulsion. One "compulsion" I find interesting and wanted some insights on is when I see an adult on tv talking, I imagine them as a child. Not even sexually. Just how they might have acted as a child that led them to their characters personality. I also have trained my mind to think sexual relationships with adults are "dangerous" because they used to be kids. My mind will not stop ruminating, will not stop trying to show me proof of my obsession. I have dreamed of finding life since I was 9, I identify as a straight female, always interested in adult men. I've struggled with this theme since my early 20s and it started out so little, with just random words and images that I dismissed away with my compulsions but now it has spread and over taken my mind with excessive doubt.

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pOCD nightmare with partner

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