Please read I’m so scared

These past two weeks my intrusive thoughts about my fear of psychosis and going crazy have come back. There was times when I would start to be better than bam anxiety all over again and I’m just so scared cause it feels so real and scarier from the last time I had it. Yesterday I had a Friendsgiving and something triggered it so bad that I went down a rabbit hole of videos and I got the worst anxiety and couldn’t even eat dessert and that’s my favorite part of the whole night. I didn’t get much sleep and right now I feel like I actually may lose it and I’m not doing myself any good from lack of sleep. I just feel so alone and no matter how much I tell myself they’re just thoughts and letting myself sit with the uncomfortableness and fear and just can’t shake it off. I think I’ve better DP/DR and it’s not making the situation better but I’m past the point of anything giving me relief and am just so scared. I just feel so alone and I have no one to talk to who has ever gone through this like me. I just want to be okay and normal. I was doing good these past months and bam I’m hit with all these thoughts. Please tell me it gets better.

Young adults with OCD

Anonymous 567

Date posted: Yesterday

You’re not alone. I have all of this too and have struggled with it for years.

Anonymous

Date posted: 23h

@Anonymous 567 How was your experience if you don’t mind me asking ?

Anonymous 567

Date posted: 23h

@Anonymous Reading through your previous post it sounds like our experiences are very similar. I have struggled with OCD since I was in my early 20s. I am now almost 30. My main themes have been harm, postpartum, existential, health. I struggle the most with the fear of going crazy, schizophrenia or psychosis OCD I am constantly worried that I am going to go into psychosis and I actually don’t have OCD but something more serious and I am scared all of the time about what this would mean for my future. I have a young son and a lot of of my themes and fears revolve around him. I also struggle with delusional, intrusive thoughts that scare me. I know that they are not real, and I am intact with reality, but I also suffer from the derealization where I feel like things around me aren’t Real, which then plays into my existential OCD where I worry about what if everything is fake what if nothing is real what if I’m actually not alive etc. etc. the list is never ending. Some of my delusional intrusive thoughts can look like what if my son isn’t really my son and it’s someone else what if I was scared of my job what if that person is following me what if I drove my car into a building? What if I am dead and this isn’t even real etc. the list goes on and I know how crazy all of these thoughts seem and the fact that they scare me worries me I know that they are ridiculous, but it is the what if and the doubt that consumes me. I have been properly diagnosed with OCD and anxiety disorder and panic disorder. I have relayed my concerns of psychosis and schizophrenia with multiple mental health professionals who have all assured me that this is in fact, OCD, but I still have a hard time believing this. I also struggle and feel like my experience is different than everybody else’s and I am somehow alone and unlike anybody else I read through these forums to get reassurance from others that others go through similar things as I do, and that does provide me with temporary relief that I am not alone and that it is like Leo OCD because other people have the same exact experience, but this relief only lasts for a little while and then I am right back into a spiral. The reason that these compulsions of researching and seeing if others have the same experience does not work long-term is because it is in fact a compulsion and feeding the OCD. I realize this and I stayed off of this app for a long time, but I go through ups and downs, where I really struggle with my OCD and then I have other times where it is not as loud when I am on my period. I feel extra crazy so hormones definitely play a role in this, but I am tired and exhausted from fighting daily with this disease so you are not alone.

cait1299

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 24w

Really struggling!

Hi guys! I had really bad harm ocd about 2 years ago and I went through therapy and eventually got really good at handling it when it would pop up. The other day, I was scrolling on TikTok and came across a girl talking about a guy who was presenting a lot of schizophrenic symptoms but no one paid attention and got him help, he was having a lot of delusions, hallucinating, thinking everyone was out to get him, thought he was Jesus and his dad was the president and ended up doing horrific things. The day after that, I was dealing with some work drama and had the thought of “what if all my coworkers are against me and trying to get me fired”. That really stressed me out, cause I don’t normally think about them like that and I went down a rabbit hole of thinking that was the beginning of me developing schizophrenia, ended up googling stuff all night, taking tests, crying and seeking reassurance. I had a thought the other day “your dad is the president”, this one didn’t stress me out as bad as I knew it was just the video I had seen and it was an intrusive thought about it, and I also didn’t believe it. Today I was with some friends and I got a prize at a place we went and it said “lonely” on it. I do have my moments of feeling lonely and this week has been specifically trying so I had a thought like “oh someone’s out to get me cause I got this”. I know this isn’t logical and it wouldn’t make sense to just randomly get it if someone was truly after me and it was just a stupid prize at a random place, anyone could’ve gotten it. Im just struggling a lot with schizophrenic OCD and thinking I’m in the pre stages of it. In my good moments, I don’t think I am at all and it was all just sparked from the video I watched but in my bad moments, these thoughts feel real!! They really stress me out and make me feel like I’m going to lose my mind causing me to lose my job/ end up in a psych hospital/ never live a normal life/ end up alone, never see me my loved ones/ hurt my loved ones. I just want to feel normal and not like I’m about to lose my mind and everything I care about. Please help!!! Anyone else going through something similar and can help me get through this!

Anonymous

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 18w

Just looking for someone to relate to :)

I recently got diagnosed with OCD back in May of this year. What started it was a month prior, I took an SSRI which triggered an extremely intense couple of days due to panic attacks I’ve never had before. I’ve never had panic attacks but pretty intense anxiety. That’s when I started experiencing DPDR and hyper awareness. I’m good some days, but other days it’s so so hard. Especially because I have no one around me that understands. The DPDR and awareness of every feeling, thought, and just overall awareness of my existence gets really overwhelming. I feel like I’m losing my mind. It’s really hard to sit with my thoughts especially when they’re on a constant loop of every little thing I’m thinking and doing and on top of that feeling like I’m in a dream. I desperately just want to go back to how I was 4 months ago, but I know that’s just not possible right now. If anyone has experienced this and is doing much better now or even currently experiencing this please let me know! I need someone to relate to lol

Toasterstreu...

Date posted: 18w

OCD. Please tell me I’m not alone.

This is going to sound crazy but I guess I am. For over a year now I’ve suffered from ocd. And I always thought ocd was just I turned the door the wrong way but it’s so much more. I feel as if I’ll never get better. I’m in a relationship, for 8 months now with the most encouraging and supportive boyfriend ever. I tell him all of my thoughts and he understands and accepts because he understands it’s not thoughts I mean to have. I feel so awful being the way I am and being with him. I feel like I can’t be happy because it’s always something going on with me. He has a bigger family all boys, and everyone I hangout with my boyfriend and his brothers I get uncomfortable and weird and convince myself I have feelings for them or I want them. It makes me so disgusted and physically ill every time. The thoughts never go away and it’s not even about them it’s tons of things. I cry constantly because I can’t get the thoughts to go away. I can’t hang out with anybody out of fear I’ll have a thought I don’t want. I feel like I’m so alone. A year ago I felt the same way about my dad which I know is absolutely disgusting and I would never have feelings for my own family and dad, bit thoughts pop into my head. I don’t know if it’s because my brain wants a reason and answer as to why I think those things so I tell myself I like them, but I can’t shake it. I’m trying medicines and hopefully getting into therapy soon. I just don’t know if it ever is going to get better. Some days are better than others and every time I have a bad thought I get heat flashes and and my stomach hurts and I get anxiety and I just want it all to go away. I hate it so much and I feel as if I’ll never be normal again and never be able to live my life freely. I have to constantly worry about what my brain might come up with. These are not thoughts I want to have but somehow my brain has them and I feel so disgusted and I need help so badly. I never know what to do and i feel like an awful human being. I convince myself these things are try when I know they aren’t deep down. I’m losing my charachter and I’m losing myself and the person I know I am which would never have thoughts like these. I want it all to go away. Please tell me it gets better. I don’t recognize myself anymore.

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