Tips for near breakup/divorce?

That sounds really difficult. I think it’s good you’re aware of where OCD is in this and are asking for support. I hope someone has good advice. I think some self care (mindfulness no judgment, knowing you’re not alone other people feel like you, and caring for yourself both resting when you need and doing the hard things to take care of yourself and the rocd while not expecting perfection) might be helpful. It is probably trial and error to find the balance in thinking etc. Sending you lots of positive thoughts and support as you navigate through this process.

ROCD flaring during real relationship stress is incredibly common. A “stay or leave” season is full of uncertainty, and ROCD naturally amplifies that uncertainty. One of the most helpful skills is learning to separate real relationship work from the ROCD noise that gets layered on top of it. A few things that may help: 1. Real relationship work feels intentional. ROCD feels urgent. Real work sounds like evaluating patterns, values, needs, and long-term compatibility. ROCD sounds like “I need certainty right now.” Grounding yourself in the slower, intentional space can make decisions feel more manageable. 2. Expect rumination during long talks and therapy. ROCD turns real information into “What if…?” loops. The key is noticing when you’ve shifted from reflecting to ruminating. Try redirecting gently: “I don’t need to solve this right now. I can revisit it later with clarity.” 3. Let uncertainty exist without rushing a final decision. Big relationship choices take time. ROCD pushes for immediate certainty. Allowing uncertainty to sit beside you often reduces the emotional spikes. 4. Keep grounding and self-care simple. Short walks, enjoyable activities, breaks after intense conversations, and checking in with your body rather than your thoughts all help regulate your nervous system. Self-care is not avoidance. It gives your mind space to settle so you can return to decisions grounded rather than overwhelmed. 5. You can work on the relationship without solving every intrusive thought. Intrusive doubts don’t need answers for you to move forward, gather information, or participate in therapy. You’re allowed to let intrusive thoughts fade into the background while you focus on what’s actually happening. You’re not alone in this. Many people with ROCD experience the same tension between real issues and intrusive noise, and this season often teaches people a lot about their needs, boundaries, and resilience. ⸻ I also want to mention something important that is often not discussed in couples therapy. Not every issue should be addressed together as a couple. A good couples therapist should always screen for patterns of power and control, and this screening should be done separately with each partner, not in the same room. This allows each person to speak safely and honestly. I’m not saying this is happening in your situation, but it’s something every therapist should evaluate to ensure therapy is safe. If any form of abuse is identified—verbal, emotional, or physical—couples counseling should not continue. At that point it is no longer a “couple’s issue” but an individual issue, and couples therapy can actually increase risk or create pressure to “fix things together” when safety should come first. If this is the case, the partner experiencing harm should be referred to a professional trained in domestic violence. Abuse is not always physical, and understanding that distinction is important. I share this because I am trained in domestic violence .