Please answer I need help

I’ve been struggling with HOCD for months now and it’s killing me. Like it feels like I can’t accept who I truly am and like why if I am gay just let me accept it but something inside of me won’t let me accept it. Like I would never want to be with a girl or spent my future with a wife I’ve ALWAYS wanted a husband sometime in the future and I’m a teenager so I was always SOSOSOOSOS excited to have a boyfriend and wanted one sooooo bad and now I’m crying everyday just thinking: I don’t want to be gay. I don’t know how much longer I can life like this. There is not one single second of the day where I’m not thinking ruminating and worrying I feel like crying 24/7. ITS KILLING ME. And around girls that trigger me I get completely like paralyzed because they’re really pretty and I’m convinced I have a crush on them like I have to watch them all the time when I see them I get like a sting in my chest and Idk if it’s bc of my HOCD or bc I just can’t accept that I have a crush on them and can’t accept my true self. I just wish things could go back to the way they were before this

Sexual Orientation OCD

pureolife

Date posted: Yesterday

The “denial” lie is a common one with ocd. It loves to obsess over this. I think this article can explain it better than I: https://ocdla.com/doubt-denial-ocd-5342

What is happ...

Date posted: Yesterday

Just wanted to say my that you are not alone.

hanysm@gmail...

Date posted: 2d

Hello, What you’re feeling—this anxiety—comes from the sensations your intrusive thoughts trigger. Those thoughts make you believe you are something you’re not. The real you is the one who desires love, companionship, and one day a husband. Remember, with OCD, rule number one is: when in doubt, it’s usually false. It’s possible you’ve misinterpreted feelings of admiration for another woman’s beauty, or even mild jealousy, as a romantic attraction. That misunderstanding could cause the uncomfortable feelings in your chest—it’s a common reaction. But OCD tends to magnify doubt and twist it into anxiety. It may suggest you’re gay, possibly linking it to something you saw or experienced before. When that happens, your true self—who knows you’re straight—feels threatened, and your brain responds with panic and fear to protect you. Try not to worry. Your true self is healthy and intact. Still, speaking with a mental health specialist could help you find deeper understanding and peace.

Vtina

Date posted: Yesterday

@hanysm@gmail.com First of all thank you!! I am in therapy since Thursday! I don’t even know why but being gay would be a nightmare for me like when I’m so convinced it feels like I’m living a nightmare. And a thought that weirdly gives me comfort is that being gay wouldn’t change anything for me because I still wouldn’t date a woman. And then I’m like: Wait then I can’t be gay! but then I’m like: oh you’re just denying your true self and must figure out if you are denying or really gay. And these „fake“ crushes feel so real because I feel nervous around them but I also try to avoid them because they are my main trigger right now. Like I always have to analyze them and their face and constantly stare at them and get anxiety but I would NEVER want to be in a relationship with them

hanysm@gmail...

Date posted: Yesterday

@Vtina Again maybe it’s jealousy, or maybe you’re simply observing to learn from them—or just comparing yourself to them. Either way, be happy with who you are. Remember, your beauty isn’t only about appearance but also about the love you hold in your heart for yourself and others. That’s what truly matters.

Vtina

Date posted: Yesterday

First of all thank you everyone for answering I just have one mor question. I am a teen which REALLY confuses me because most people who have HOCD are adults and have already been in a relationship. And when these thoughts first started I didn’t even know HOCD existed and it felt like I was actually questioning but even back then it made me cry and worry so much. I would have these pictures of kissing girls in my head and would pray for them to go away. and then it went away and when I got back to school it got bad again. I only found out HOCd existed like one and a half months ago and it made so much sense. But what if I am using it as an excuse so I don’t have to deal with my real feelings. I’m not even worried about not liking boys I’m worried about liking girls and it makes me panic. I don’t know why. Sometimes I feel like giving up and just accepting it but for some reason I just can’t. I can’t even do things with max friends anymore without being scared. I just want things to go back to how they were and be confident being straight. Like I feel like my life would be ruined If I liked girls. These girls in school I can’t even look at them anymore. And when I see videos of people talking about how they couldn’t accept they were gay I panic and feel so stressed because it sounds similar to my experience.

Vtina

Date posted: Yesterday

@Vtina And I also weirdly have the urge to come out to my family. I’ve already talked about this with my parents but they said that they don’t think I’m gay because if I were I would want it. And I’ve dealt with OCD in my past so I’m not doubting that this is OCD I’m just scared that it developed because I was actually discovering my sexuality

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