Soocd and boyfriend

I got supper triggered righ now because I was talking to my fiance about SOOCD and wht it feels like it is or it not and at one point I felt like all the signs were pointing towards the fact that im just in denial since 15 years and I got anxious and just wanted to leave/stop everything (aka the relationship) and I felt kind of relieved at the thought of that and the spiral started all over again like “ if you’re relieved that means that you want to leave him and be with a women”. We were talking about romantic attraction and physical attraction and I was saying how sometimes when I look at him I dont have the desire to touch him but if I see a picture of a naked women or just an underboob I just feel something strong down there… he told me even if its the case we’re been together for 8 years and I would know if you were truly faking it… and my thoughts are like “would he?” “Maybe im just a great actress and I’ll snap one day soon” . Idk if anyone relates!

Sexual Orientation OCD

deValentin

Date posted: Yesterday

I can relate even if my OCD theme is a bit different. What's probably happening now is you aren't satisfied with your life. You think you may be in denial and you try to settle the doubts about your sexual orientation instead of investing time and energy into worthwhile activities. You may believe that you may get rid of your disturbing intrusive thoughts by giving to ruminations and then you'll be ready to live the life you really want to live. But why let your decision to live the life you really want to live depend on things you can't control, like the elimination of all disturbing intrusive thoughts. What if giving in to ruminations doesn't appease your mind in the end? It's a reckless and addictive gamble! Deciding to live the life you really want to life and not giving in to ruminations from the start is a more reliable way, but more difficult at first, to weaken your unwanted intrusive thoughts. You need to try it to believe it!

anonymous00001

Date posted: Yesterday

You’re definitely not alone in the checking of your feelings! I will say that above all else, OCD seeks relief and certainty. Often, avoiding the thing that is making us anxious SEEMS like it would provide relief, but it’s actually reinforcing the anxiety in the long run. I can’t know whether it would be better to stay or leave, but I do know that making that decision based on trying to predict which would cause you LESS anxiety is sort of a trap. A key question I asked myself was this: do I want to STAY and learn how to manage my OCD, how to sit with anxiety? Or, do I want to LEAVE and also learn how to manage OCD and sit with anxiety? In other words, I will have to learn how to deal with these thoughts either way. For me, the value of our relationship motivated me to make a lot of progress in dealing with my OCD and anxiety, which has helped me grow in so many other areas too. That’s just my story though.

anonymous00001

Date posted: Yesterday

@anonymous00001 In relation to the SOOCD, I have definitely experienced that. However, we live in such a black and white world now. As I’ve grown and have a better understanding of myself, I really think it’s doing a disservice to yourself by trying to pit different feelings against eachother. With the way people talk about queerness, it paints this picture like you’re either (X) and living a lie, or (Y) and living your truth. What would it look like to trust all of your feelings? Even if they contradict each other? What would it look like to accept a small part of you that is attracted to that? Furthermore, why does one feeling you have cancel out another? In my belief, humans are much more complex than we pretend to be. You are not alone if your feelings or fears, but your feelings and fears do not have to define you as a person, or dictate your actions. You are allowed to accept the whole picture and make a decision you feel is best, even if you’re not 100% sure. I hope this helps. ❤️

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