My goodbye

@Mitu_001 I know, but I needed help last night. But I guess there’s nothing I can do anymore.

@zephyranthesgp01 I am really sorry...Is anything that can be done right now?

@Mitu_001 I don’t think so. I don’t know what’s real and what’s not real anymore.

@Bittersweet Panini So you think I’m gay?

@zephyranthesgp01 Oh, sorry... I assumed it.

@Bittersweet Panini Why did you assume it?

@zephyranthesgp01 Because of your posts, I'm sorry if I'm wrong, I wrote this in impulsive way, my intention is not make you doubt

@Bittersweet Panini I honestly don’t know what I’m attracted to.

@zephyranthesgp01 I understand you. I don't have idea if it may help you, but I was confused about the same (sometimes I think I'm bi/pan but not sure). Something that really helped me is that you may be curious about other bodies. Although what I'm going to say may conflict many people, but I'll give myself as an example first-hand. Personally, I don't care about genitals, or a specific corporeality, that's why I've been thinking that I'm not really a "lesbian" but I realized that attraction and curiosity are valid. If I do get to have sex or explore a relationship with a man, that doesn't make me any less lesbian, it may just be curiosity. Having sex, kissing, or having another romantic or sexual practice can mean something totally different to each person. If I kiss a male friend, it's not necessarily because I like him, but because kissing is a sign of affection. It helped me a lot to research the difference between sexual, sensual, and romantic attraction. I've also learned from the aro/ace community and sometimes I can keep things under control.

@Bittersweet Panini Last night while ruminating, I don’t know why, I said I wanted to have sex with a dude. Did I mean it? I don’t know. And now I saw a scene where two dudes were doing the deed and I got aroused. I don’t know if it’s because I was aroused by the fact that it was two dudes or because I was turned on by the thought of the sensation of the act. And of course because I don’t know, I think I’m just saying I don’t know how I felt about it because I’m ashamed that I liked it.

@zephyranthesgp01 I'm sorry I messed you up, my first language is not English but I already understood. The body reacts to pleasure. regardless of what you may be observing or imagining, your body reacts anyway. It's normal, the body is a little more "reactive" than the mind. Why do you feel ashamed?

@Bittersweet Panini Honestly I feel ashamed because I don’t know what I like anymore. People who are straight don’t get confused or get turned on by same sex stuff

@zephyranthesgp01 As a lgbtiq+ person, I can told you that yes, they do. Not everybody, of course! but sometimes it happen. Do you have a trusted male friend?

@Bittersweet Panini No, but if you’re suggesting experimenting, I’m sorry, that’s just something I do not want to do if it’s not necessary

@zephyranthesgp01 It's okay! it's maybe a lot. I hope you can get through all this in the best way possible. I don't know if reddit may be helpful. Just be careful about the specific subreddits. If there's something I can do for you, or if you have any specific question, tell me!

@Bittersweet Panini Do you have ocd?

@zephyranthesgp01 Yes...? Sometimes I doubt that too haha, but yes, apparently! probably, it's highly possible

@Bittersweet Panini (I stopped my diagnosis for a while because psychiatrists suggested taking medication and that was a problem with my family. At that time I was a minor, so I got scared and stopped therapy. I have tried to take up the subject with psychiatry, but somehow it scares me).

@worryywart I don’t think so Bossman. I’m screwed

@zephyranthesgp01 you’re gonna be ok, sometimes it just feels worse but it’ll get better. do u wanna talk about it?

@worryywart If you want to check out my last post. That’s what I’m currently going through.

@zephyranthesgp01 i hope i responded to the right one!

@worryywart It was this one bro

@zephyranthesgp01 oh sorry, i didn’t see that one when i checked your account for some reason. but ocd can make you have thoughts like that, those phrases and false urges also count as an intrusive thought. they don’t mean anything and they’re not proof of anything either. you haven’t wasted anyone’s time either. this is classic ocd doubt

@worryywart My attraction to women is gone though.

@zephyranthesgp01 this is also a symptom of false attraction, the feeling of “losing” your attraction to others. it feels very real but it’s not. this feeling can also be caused by anxiety and depression like the feeling of overall numbness, especially if you’re constantly ruminating about it or checking.

@worryywart I’m just really confused now. I don’t know what to believe anymore. I feel like I can’t go back to the way I was before all this

@zephyranthesgp01 it’s okay, it’s nothing to be ashamed about. it’s best to just use the “maybe, maybe not” method. even if it feels like you’re just ignoring the problem, it’ll make these feelings go away some. sexuality is a spectrum anyways and just having those thoughts doesn’t mean you’re not straight. you’ll be okay :))

@worryywart That’s not the issue, I got aroused, and then I whacked off, now I’m confused

@zephyranthesgp01 ooh i understand now. the brain and body will sort of react to anything that it views as sexually relevant or that makes you feel “aroused”. it could still be false attraction or it could just be the idea/thought of sex itself. also it’s fictional so you’re viewing it in that lens. but either way it doesn’t necessarily mean you’re attracted to men or want to be in their place. like how men can watch something with two women but it doesn’t necessarily mean they would want to be a woman or anything. i know lots of straight dudes that have watched that sort of stuff but still have only been with women and are comfortable in their sexuality so it’s not just you.

@worryywart Did you ever experience any of the things I’ve been going through?

@zephyranthesgp01 yes a little bit, especially when i was younger! it hasn’t been as bad as my other themes and mine is sort of different because i’m bi but have questioned whether i’m just pretending to be attracted to either men or women. but i’ve sort of come to terms with the fact that either way it doesn’t really matter (to me at least, that’s not everyone’s experience ofc). as long as i have a strong sense of self and can accept who i am. and that i have plenty of time to figure it out if i need to. but like my therapist has said before, if any of the things my ocd makes me worry about were actually true, i’d probably know by now.

@worryywart I appreciate your time today

@zephyranthesgp01 ofc, i hope your day gets better!