A trans experience with cisgender-OCD - hope.

I thought this was funny in a sad sort of way. I used to have obsessions about checking to be sure I was "really" trans and that I wasn't making it up. The years when I was debating top surgery were the worst. I think the whole thing started when I came out and my mom told me I was just mentally ill (lol both can be true), and then later my ex became a TERF which really messed with my head, and I was psychologically self-harming by reading TERF blogs. It took a lot of therapy, including somatic work, to detangle what I actually wanted to do medically and a lot of time to realize my ex was extremely unwell and that I shouldn't take her word as truth. I've since accepted that my gender doesn't fit nicely in a box, and that while I've grown more confident in my trans identity based on how medical interventions have improved my relationship with my body, it's not as tidy for me as narratives you see in the media. I still have occasional doubts, but they no longer ruin my day. I could probably do more with the doubts now that I'm about to start ERP, but they're honestly no longer my top priority which is a nice feeling

LGBTQ+ with OCD

still flying

Date posted: 2d

Anyone else on the LGBT spectrum ever experience obsessions about actually being cis/straight? I see a lot from the cishet contingent about being afraid of being one of us, but I've never known someone else experiencing it from this side

Anonymous

Date posted: 2d

Sometimes. It's one of my less intense themes but ive also seen a good amount of posts on here about it. You're not alone.

Overtinkerer 🐢

Date posted: 2d

Wow that's a lot to go trough I'm sorry you had to in the first place, I'm glad you do feel more confident and that you are doing better! Second thing: lm Cis Bisexual guy and worry so much that I'm actually straight and that I'm not even interested in guys really and I pretend or whatever it tries to tell me. It got pretty bad at some point and I do still feel such shame guilt and anxiety about it.

Vividragon

Date posted: Yesterday

I know how you feel! Luckily I wasn't actively in anti-trans spaces while going through transition, but having grown up in them I was terrified of mis-representing myself, or thinking the feminine things I liked meant I couldn't be trans. I also did a ton of checking and re-checking, and but eventually how normal and natural I felt with each step was obvious enough it didn't stop me. I even do feminine things I was too scared to before now that I'm more masculine in other ways!

tanya_nocd

Date posted: 20h

Firstly, I’m so sorry you experienced those things from people who should’ve been your support system, but also happy to read that you’ve continued on with more clarity, confidence, and acceptance. I’m a cis lesbian, and a bout of severe SO-OCD was what pushed me to seek a diagnosis. I think it must have catalyzed some gender-related OCD as well because there were times I would obsess over if I was a straight man, or even a gay man. I understand the disorientation. I now have a girlfriend who I hope to marry one day, and my brain STILL throws doubts at me, but it’s so much easier now to say “whatever” and live the life I want. All to say that you’re not alone and LGBTQ+ folks most definitely struggle with identity obsession and OCD.

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